Ex lover wants to connect?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Nothing kinky or threesome!! Just by chance me and my spouse were in the same room while one of us was checking home voicemails on loud speaker.

You kept ur landline phone number from 30+ yrs ago.

People keep phone numbers a long time. My parents have had there’s for 50 years.
The grand parents had their same number for a long time.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Nothing kinky or threesome!! Just by chance me and my spouse were in the same room while one of us was checking home voicemails on loud speaker. [/quote]

You kept ur landline phone number from 30+ yrs ago. [/quote]
No, but our home phone is what the ex found through internet search. Ever heard of people search websites and google?[/quote]

My parents have had the same phone number since the 70s.

[Anonymous]

Is there a reason you're saying "my spouse" repeatedly in posts, OP? You're also carefully avoiding saying he or she....Why the camouflage? Anticipating different reactions based on what people assume spouse to be--?

It occurs to me that if you are a DW with a DH, and the former lover is a woman, well, the contact could be about a child they had, about which he knew nothing. Maybe not likely; I think the recent adoption threads made me think of that. It's also possible the the ex is nostalgic for some reason like an illness or a life change and that's why the ex is reaching out.

I'd say that if your spouse wants to respond, ask your spouse to involve you out of respect for your partnership. You can be on speakerphone again when spouse phones the ex back. If you get the vibe that the contact is just idle curiosity or "So, you married or free?", then you clearly tell spouse that you're not comfortable with further contact and ask spouse to respect that request.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Is there a reason you're saying "my spouse" repeatedly in posts, OP? You're also carefully avoiding saying he or she....Why the camouflage? Anticipating different reactions based on what people assume spouse to be--?

It occurs to me that if you are a DW with a DH, and the former lover is a woman, well, the contact could be about a child they had, about which he knew nothing. Maybe not likely; I think the recent adoption threads made me think of that. It's also possible the the ex is nostalgic for some reason like an illness or a life change and that's why the ex is reaching out.

I'd say that if your spouse wants to respond, ask your spouse to involve you out of respect for your partnership. You can be on speakerphone again when spouse phones the ex back. If you get the vibe that the contact is just idle curiosity or "So, you married or free?", then you clearly tell spouse that you're not comfortable with further contact and ask spouse to respect that request.[/quote]
+1

[Anonymous]

I am the OP of the recent post where a woman my DH dated 40 years ago has some kind of contact with him every seven years. The only thing I can see is yes, I understand that technology means we can find our HS or college sweetheart in minutes, but my thinking is the past belongs in the past. Curiosity is one thing and I do sometimes wonder what ever happened to certain guys, but two way contact is another. But I finish with one thought: nobody contacts someone after many years for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of the recent post where a woman my DH dated 40 years ago has some kind of contact with him every seven years. The only thing I can see is yes, I understand that technology means we can find our HS or college sweetheart in minutes, but my thinking is the past belongs in the past. Curiosity is one thing and I do sometimes wonder what ever happened to certain guys, but two way contact is another. But I finish with one thought: nobody contacts someone after many years for no reason.

Interesting, PP. Every seven years like clockwork, over a span of 40 years? Sounds like she has, in her own head, some kind of pact with herself -- "I'll check in every seven years and see if..." whatever.

How does your husband respond to these contacts? I admit it, I'm purely curious. It sounds like something out of a novel or a movie. "If you're still free in seven years, meet me under the clock at the train station on date X..." I wonder if she's just healthily keeping up with old friends (not as flames).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP of the recent post where a woman my DH dated 40 years ago has some kind of contact with him every seven years. The only thing I can see is yes, I understand that technology means we can find our HS or college sweetheart in minutes, but my thinking is the past belongs in the past. Curiosity is one thing and I do sometimes wonder what ever happened to certain guys, but two way contact is another. But I finish with one thought: nobody contacts someone after many years for no reason.

Interesting, PP. Every seven years like clockwork, over a span of 40 years? Sounds like she has, in her own head, some kind of pact with herself -- "I'll check in every seven years and see if..." whatever.

How does your husband respond to these contacts? I admit it, I'm purely curious. It sounds like something out of a novel or a movie. "If you're still free in seven years, meet me under the clock at the train station on date X..." I wonder if she's just healthily keeping up with old friends (not as flames).

DH ignores her. She dumped him and, you guessed it, seven years after the dumping she called him (before I met him) and they had dinner together. He told me that she said a bunch of things that were really insensitive towards him (like bragging about dating other people) and that was over 30 years ago. He wants nothing to do with her though he admitted that he finds it humorous that she even looks him up.

[Anonymous]

SO much paranoia. I have almost 10 ex-lovers, some going back more than 30 years as Facebook friends. They are no threat to my relationship. People like to re-connect online, because they can. Would you be worried about your H going to a school reunion?

[Anonymous]

what did the ex say on the message?

[Anonymous]

My DH and I are good friends with one of my exs. (He’s actually my DD’s godfather for somewhat technical religious reasons.) I am FB friends with several others and we’d grab coffee/a drink if they came to my town. My DH is very good friends with one of his exs; she and I are friendly though not friends really (she lives in another country now, if she lived nearby I imagine we’d become friends). I would think absolutely nothing of it if an old ex of either of us reached out over email or FB. Some people are grownups and being friends with someone doesn’t mean having sex with.

[Anonymous]

OP here. For anybody wondering about what happened next. We both ended up meeting the ex during an informal dinner. It was awkward at best. She threw a pity party for herself and tested the waters about the status of our marriage and my spouse financial situation. No news after that night but now there is tension at our home. If I can give a suggestion born from this experience.. leave the past in the past!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Why on earth did you all meet up for dinner?

But since that's all in the past, what did she look like? Because if in any way she looked good, well, this story ain't done yet.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]OP here. For anybody wondering about what happened next. We both ended up meeting the ex during an informal dinner. It was awkward at best. She threw a pity party for herself and tested the waters about the status of our marriage and my spouse financial situation. No news after that night but now there is tension at our home. If I can give a suggestion born from this experience.. leave the past in the past!!!!!![/quote]
You are stupid.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. For anybody wondering about what happened next. We both ended up meeting the ex during an informal dinner. It was awkward at best. She threw a pity party for herself and tested the waters about the status of our marriage and my spouse financial situation. No news after that night but now there is tension at our home. If I can give a suggestion born from this experience.. leave the past in the past!!!!!![/quote]
You are stupid.[/quote]
Probably more naive than stupid.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]OP here. For anybody wondering about what happened next. We both ended up meeting the ex during an informal dinner. It was awkward at best. She threw a pity party for herself and tested the waters about the status of our marriage and my spouse financial situation. No news after that night but now there is tension at our home. If I can give a suggestion born from this experience.. leave the past in the past!!!!!![/quote]

Why is there tension in your home? Did he want to take her up on her offer?