XH has girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Just to clarify my concerns: I'm not worried that XH has a GF and I'm not worried whether DD "loves" her or me more. I'm worried my XH is using the GF as a reason to 1) argue for expanded custody (we have 50/50 currently) and 2) is talking to our child about this ("but you love GF so much, wouldn't you like to see her more?" etc). It would not be the first time XH has "complained" about me being "rigid" and "unreasonable" to DD. I can easily see how the little insinuations will go ("well, your mother won't let new GF and you go to American Girl Doll store for tea because your mother wouldn't give us that weekend," etc.)

I want advice on how to discuss expanded custody with XH. I'm not inclined to do it for any reason--but particularly this reason--but obviously don't want to fan the flames of acrimony. And I want advice about how to talk with DD if she gets put into the middle of this quarrel.

If you really think this is a thing then you are an idiot. Just say no- that doesn't affect your custody agreement. Why are you even worried about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm dating a man with an 11-year-old daughter. She's wonderful and fills my maternal need without my having to go through childbirth. That means I can keep my career and my interests, and spend significant time giving his daughter a healthy, normal maternal figure.

My boyfriend's ex is mad because, like in OP's situation, DD likes me far more than her Mom. Most do. The ex is 43, about 35 pounds overweight (a size 12), graying, has a bad back, and is stuck in her admin job.

Meanwhile, my BF and I met when I was an atmosphere model at a charity event for which his firm bought a table. He was just fascinating to talk with. He had just made partner, and had such an exciting vision for how he could navigate these crazy times for his clients. After all, any money he can save in taxes goes to his clients to buy back stock, or hire people, or otherwise make the company stronger. That's good for everyone.

We're both active people, so I agreed to go rock climbing with him the next weekend. He's just such a kind man, one who makes you feel like a princess when he picks you up in his grown up's vehicle. He even brought a picnic from Dean and DeLuca that he packed and carried himself. It's been just over a year now and we are happier than ever.

So yeah, if you're an 11-year-old girl entering middle school, who would YOU want to bring you to a dance? Your Dad's cool, gorgeous friend, or your haggard Mom? As the kids say, well Duh, but if you want to be DCUM and favor the Mom, well you do you.

Please do any future kids a favor and don't have them. You are horrific.

+1 OMG this post is just awful! It sounds like is a short love story written for people with narcissistic personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm dating a man with an 11-year-old daughter. She's wonderful and fills my maternal need without my having to go through childbirth. That means I can keep my career and my interests, and spend significant time giving his daughter a healthy, normal maternal figure.

My boyfriend's ex is mad because, like in OP's situation, DD likes me far more than her Mom. Most do. The ex is 43, about 35 pounds overweight (a size 12), graying, has a bad back, and is stuck in her admin job.

Meanwhile, my BF and I met when I was an atmosphere model at a charity event for which his firm bought a table. He was just fascinating to talk with. He had just made partner, and had such an exciting vision for how he could navigate these crazy times for his clients. After all, any money he can save in taxes goes to his clients to buy back stock, or hire people, or otherwise make the company stronger. That's good for everyone.

We're both active people, so I agreed to go rock climbing with him the next weekend. He's just such a kind man, one who makes you feel like a princess when he picks you up in his grown up's vehicle. He even brought a picnic from Dean and DeLuca that he packed and carried himself. It's been just over a year now and we are happier than ever.

So yeah, if you're an 11-year-old girl entering middle school, who would YOU want to bring you to a dance? Your Dad's cool, gorgeous friend, or your haggard Mom? As the kids say, well Duh, but if you want to be DCUM and favor the Mom, well you do you.

Please do any future kids a favor and don't have them. You are horrific.

+1 OMG this post is just awful! It sounds like is a short love story written for people with narcissistic personality disorder.

Typical DCUM harpies who whine because the DHs are ready to move on from their starter wives to hotter models (literally in this case)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm dating a man with an 11-year-old daughter. She's wonderful and fills my maternal need without my having to go through childbirth. That means I can keep my career and my interests, and spend significant time giving his daughter a healthy, normal maternal figure.

My boyfriend's ex is mad because, like in OP's situation, DD likes me far more than her Mom. Most do. The ex is 43, about 35 pounds overweight (a size 12), graying, has a bad back, and is stuck in her admin job.

Meanwhile, my BF and I met when I was an atmosphere model at a charity event for which his firm bought a table. He was just fascinating to talk with. He had just made partner, and had such an exciting vision for how he could navigate these crazy times for his clients. After all, any money he can save in taxes goes to his clients to buy back stock, or hire people, or otherwise make the company stronger. That's good for everyone.

We're both active people, so I agreed to go rock climbing with him the next weekend. He's just such a kind man, one who makes you feel like a princess when he picks you up in his grown up's vehicle. He even brought a picnic from Dean and DeLuca that he packed and carried himself. It's been just over a year now and we are happier than ever.

So yeah, if you're an 11-year-old girl entering middle school, who would YOU want to bring you to a dance? Your Dad's cool, gorgeous friend, or your haggard Mom? As the kids say, well Duh, but if you want to be DCUM and favor the Mom, well you do you.

Please do any future kids a favor and don't have them. You are horrific.

+1 OMG this post is just awful! It sounds like is a short love story written for people with narcissistic personality disorder.

Pretty sure the post is sarcasm. But, you often can't tell I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, consider that the more people who love your daughter, and the more people she loves, in the world is a good thing.

Love isn’t a finite resource. It’s not a competition. What your ex is saying is hurtful, but I’m sure it’s at least one reason why he’s the ex.

Love doesn't come with claims. Love only wants to give.

A friend of mine was going through similar issues when her ex-DH family tried to tell her what to do with her children on the basis of "we are family too and we love her so we have the right to weigh in". She had a perfect comeback. "You say you love her? Prove it. Put your house in my DD's name and then we'll talk. Don't send love, send money. Otherwise you're just dealing in words."

Sorry, what? You think it was a good comeback to respond that money = love? That if Ex-DH wasn't willing to give away his house, he didn't love his DD? WTF? I don't know anything about the particulars of their situation, but holy shit is that a terrible message to send to her DD.

Learn to read, will you? I wrote "ex-DH's family". Family. Not her father. I personally thought it was a perfect come back to put in their place random cousins, uncles and aunts who all had opinions on how DD ought to be raised because "we are family and we love her".

I too agree that was a shitty response. Equating money, material possessions to love is STUPID and IRRESPONSIBLE. Now, this girl is going to believe that she has to GIVE money, GIVE possession, possibly give HERSELF, in order to have love... Love is supposed to be a self-less feeling that is given because it is FELT, not bought.

The proper response would have been, "Thank you for the advice. I am so happy that you love DD so much and you are involved and concerned about her well-being. I will certainly think about your advice, but ultimately, as her mother, any decisions about her upbringing will ultimately be decided by me and her father." Nothing futher to say.