XH has girlfriend
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Anonymous
| He claims DD is closer to her than me. They are not married or engaged. Last I knew she was married, in fact. At any rate, I want to gather ideas for ways to talk about this that don't put her in the middle and the legal implications: can XH claim any visitation or issues on her behalf? |
Anonymous
| On who's behalf? |
Anonymous
| I’m confused- are you asking if xh can request visitation so your dd can spend time with his gf? |
Anonymous
That is what XH is asking. He claims our child is closer to her than me... I want to know how to keep DD from getting out into the middle of this. |
Anonymous
| How close your child is to a non-parent is not relevant to your visitation agreement. I'm sure your DD is also really close to her girlfriends, or even an aunt or a friend's mom, but that also has nothing to do with your visitation agreement. |
Anonymous
|
Talk to your lawyer. Your question is unclear.
If your daughter visits your H you can't stop that. If your H is asking got your daughter to spend alone time with his new girlfriend your daughter does not need to do that. |
Anonymous
|
Doubt a judge is going to reduce your custodial time because he has a gf. If he offers an overall good living situation, sure maybe he can make a case for custody or 50:50. If he’s seriously suggesting a change, see a lawyer.
Don’t bite op. Gray rock him. Stick to logistics. Use email. Don’t get emotional because he has a cool girl gf. Even if your dad loves her. Lady is not mom. It’s not a competition. He’s probably just trying to get a ride out of you. Don’t let him. |
Anonymous
| That should read, “Even if you dd loves her” |
Anonymous
+1 This is good advice. If you show that you are hurt or upset, he will see that as evidence you're jealous. Stay very cool, OP. Never badmouth the GF to your daughter! Be bland and pleasant if DD says "I had a great time doing X with Sally!" Just say, that's great, I'm glad, and never let DD know your ex claims the GF is closer to DD. Keep emotions in check around DD, the ex and GF. Ex may be playing you of may actually think what he claims is true but all YOU can control is your own reaction. Don't say "I'm her mom! No way this woman is closer to her" or otherwise engage DH about his GF. Act as if his "reason" for wanting this time is the same as any other request: Stick firmly to exact letter of the visitation agreement. You DO have a written agreement approved by that court--? Some parents have only "handshake" informal agreements and that's a bad idea at a time like this. Is he actually saying he wants to alter a written arrangement to get more time for DD with the GF? Or is he just talking about "Let me have an extra day next week" piecemeal stuff? You do need to talk to a lawyer since your initial question is s bit confusing. He can't ask for a binding agreement to be changed for his GF to have access but do talk to an experienced lawyer about it. |
Anonymous
| He’s an ex. You can’t control him anymore. |
Anonymous
|
OP, consider that the more people who love your daughter, and the more people she loves, in the world is a good thing.
Love isn’t a finite resource. It’s not a competition. What your ex is saying is hurtful, but I’m sure it’s at least one reason why he’s the ex. |
Anonymous
stop. It's not just hurtful, it's abusive. The ex is not saying dC likes my girlfriend and we all like to spend my cuatodial time together. ExH is saying, DC likes my gF better than BioMom and therefore GF should have more time, and BioMom less. OP, as the biological parent you should have at least 50% custody. Focus on making that time meaningful for you and your DC. there is no such thing as a separate custodial right for GFs. If your ex eants to spend his custodial time with gF and DC, there is nit much you can do about it. Unfortunately, if your Ex wants to leave your DC in the custody of GF alone on his custodial time, there is also not much you can do about that. Many divorced coues have a principle of "right of first refusal" in the custody avreement to prevent such situations. this means that if a parent can't spend their custodial time with a child, they must offer it to the other parent first before leaving the child with a babysitter, girlfriend or boyfriend, etc. |
Anonymous
| What is your current custodial arrangement? |
Anonymous
| Your child can hate or love you or your ex as much as she wants, it does not affect visitation. |
Anonymous
Your ex's GF has no legal standing where your child is concerned. No one can claim anything on her behalf. She has no custodial rights and never will. How do you think this argument would play out in court? Your honor, my daughter loves my girlfriend more than her mom. Can I please have more time? He'd get laughed out of the courtroom. It doesn't matter what your ex says. Don't take the bait. Say hmm and move on. Do not discuss this with your daughter. |