Question For Anyone Who Has Experienced Infidelity

[Anonymous]

pp, I'm one who doesn't have a black-and-white view about the sharing of emails. I think it's weird when husbands and wives share their email account. But I also think it's weird when a spouse goes to extra lengths to hide their emails from each other.

I went through a period where dh was exchanging inappropriate emails. I snooped. He called me psycho. Led to all sorts of trouble because every time I snooped, I found something incriminating. He got into the habit of deleting everything just so I wouldn't see. But it wasn't just because I was being invasive. He actually did have things to hide too.

At the same time, I changed all my passwords and deleted all my past online conversation histories and emails wherever I mentioned him. I didn't want him to see me sharing all of our problems with friends. but I really needed to be able to do that.

So in the end, I think there is a place for privacy. I don't know whether your situation is a good reason for asserting a right to privacy though.

[Anonymous]

I found out about my husband's emotional affair 5 months ago quite by accident. It was a total surprise because he has always been such a good guy. He bald-faced lied about it for a month. When I confronted him with evidence that I discovered searching our computer, he made the lamest excuse ever but eventually broke down and confessed. I think it is very common that it will take a while for the truth to come out, and there will be a lot of denial and blaming of the victim. If he is not willing to be 100% open about his emails, bank accounts, cell phone, etc., he is hiding something.

It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I kept a good face up for our kids while I pulled myself out of the abyss. After several long talks in which I opened his eyes as to the reality of the fact that he was about to absolutely destroy his family if he continued, we decided to go to marriage counseling. We both went into it 100% committed to saving the relationship, but I told him if there was one more lie or failure to disclose information (for example if she tried to contact him) that I was done with him.

Marriage counseling has been a life-saver. I can now see a light at the end of the tunnel and I believe our marriage and our family is going to survive. I've learned so much about the dynamics that led to all of this and I believe he is truly repentant. I feel like I am on the road to forgiveness, and that our relationship is more honest and real now. I've lost my innocence, but have gained wisdom. So it can be done, but the first step is that he must tell the truth. He is lying to you. If he had nothing to hide, he would let you see his emails just to put your mind at ease.