I miss my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance she might have been unhappy and this was just a good reason to leave?

Because if you're solid, you should be able to work through this, or at least go to counseling together.

He's not solid. He has trust issues and anxiety and has accused her of cheating. If you've ever been in a relationship with someone like that it can make you get unhappy real quick, particularly if you are a trustworthy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance she might have been unhappy and this was just a good reason to leave?

Because if you're solid, you should be able to work through this, or at least go to counseling together.

He's not solid. He has trust issues and anxiety and has accused her of cheating. If you've ever been in a relationship with someone like that it can make you get unhappy real quick, particularly if you are a trustworthy person.

NP. I don't even think this is the worst thing. The worst thing IMO is that he "went snooping on her". That is a major violation of trust. I can't imagine wanting to stay with someone who would betray me like that. Especially with no grounds whatsoever. I don't think I could ever trust him again.

[Anonymous]

Op she is cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there a chance she might have been unhappy and this was just a good reason to leave?

Because if you're solid, you should be able to work through this, or at least go to counseling together.

He's not solid. He has trust issues and anxiety and has accused her of cheating. If you've ever been in a relationship with someone like that it can make you get unhappy real quick, particularly if you are a trustworthy person.

NP. I don't even think this is the worst thing. The worst thing IMO is that he "went snooping on her". That is a major violation of trust. I can't imagine wanting to stay with someone who would betray me like that. Especially with no grounds whatsoever. I don't think I could ever trust him again.

You sound like a cheater too.

[Anonymous]

Why were you suspicious of your wife? Were there signs of infidelity? Or is this a long-standing pattern of baseless jealousy?

[Anonymous]

Op - you need to spend time to focus on you. Work out, eat healthy, do things that YOU like to do.

When she sees you looking positive (and maybe a bit hard to get), you will become MUCH more attractive to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op she is cheating on you.

Female poster here. I have to agree with this, if OP is being truthful about how things went down.

You do not walk away from a good marriage because your spouse snooped on you. You take him to counselling and try to work things out, give it several other goes.

Now, we have not heard the other side of the story, so it is hard to say.

[Anonymous]

Just some input from the “other” side. EVERY single time we go out, my DH socializes with everyone in our large couples group. Seems perfectly normal right? As soon as I speak to anyone of the opposite sex he comes over to me and gives me the look. If he has been drinking it is much worse. When we get home he usually accuses me of wanting to be with the other person and is very threatening. When I bring up the fact that he is able to speak to women and he is being irrational, he says it is completely different.
It is so physically and emotionally draining it is unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Tell her how you feel and then back off. Make the exchanges with your kids a positive experience and don't raise the subject with her. Be as good a dad as you can be and they may the ones what influence your wife. If you think you have issues you need to deal with in counseling do it regardless of your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op she is cheating on you.

Female poster here. I have to agree with this, if OP is being truthful about how things went down.

You do not walk away from a good marriage because your spouse snooped on you. You take him to counselling and try to work things out, give it several other goes.

Now, we have not heard the other side of the story, so it is hard to say.

I don't think the Op is being purposefully misleading, but I see no evidence that it was a "good" marriage, just that he didn't beat her, cheat, or have financial issues. I don't think he realizes the toll his anxiety and distrust had on his wife. People don't just up and leave at the first incident of paranoia, and the fact that he mentions she's concerned he won't really change means he's promised and failed to make changes before. In no way do I read this and assume OP's wife is cheating, I think he didn't realize just how crazy-making his paranoia was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op she is cheating on you.

Female poster here. I have to agree with this, if OP is being truthful about how things went down.

You do not walk away from a good marriage because your spouse snooped on you. You take him to counselling and try to work things out, give it several other goes.

Now, we have not heard the other side of the story, so it is hard to say.

(I posted earlier that she was gaslighting him.)

I believe he must be truthful in how this went down, because of the following factors: he made it seem like it was a specific situation for which he felt jealous. He made no indication of a pattern. He seemed pretty clear that it was one event or a short series of events.

I also think that fact that he is all hand-wringing over his failure by feeling jealous and snooping - this to me indicates that she really gave it to him for this one time (or short period) of jealousy/anxiety on his part. this is the part that seems like she successfully gaslighted him.

If he were some kind of controlling jealous guy, he generally wouldn't be all navel-gazing and wringing his hands. These symptoms seem induced by a serious gaslighting attack by the cheating wife. Just enough to hide her indiscretions and shift the blame to the OP. So she is now in the clear.

This is how this stuff goes down. This is NOT how things turn out when you just have an emotionally abusive husband who it jealous and controlling - those guys don't go out and pine away in an apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op she is cheating on you.

Female poster here. I have to agree with this, if OP is being truthful about how things went down.

You do not walk away from a good marriage because your spouse snooped on you. You take him to counselling and try to work things out, give it several other goes.

Now, we have not heard the other side of the story, so it is hard to say.

(I posted earlier that she was gaslighting him.)

I believe he must be truthful in how this went down, because of the following factors: he made it seem like it was a specific situation for which he felt jealous. He made no indication of a pattern. He seemed pretty clear that it was one event or a short series of events.

I also think that fact that he is all hand-wringing over his failure by feeling jealous and snooping - this to me indicates that she really gave it to him for this one time (or short period) of jealousy/anxiety on his part. this is the part that seems like she successfully gaslighted him.

If he were some kind of controlling jealous guy, he generally wouldn't be all navel-gazing and wringing his hands. These symptoms seem induced by a serious gaslighting attack by the cheating wife. Just enough to hide her indiscretions and shift the blame to the OP. So she is now in the clear.

This is how this stuff goes down. This is NOT how things turn out when you just have an emotionally abusive husband who it jealous and controlling - those guys don't go out and pine away in an apartment.

I would add this line is a serious tell: "I ask her about her day and she gets mad thinking I'm snooping into what she's doing." If I had a dollar for every time I heard this in relation to a cheater! She's totally hiding something! Not normal!!

[Anonymous]

You sound clingy. Come on dude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op she is cheating on you.

Female poster here. I have to agree with this, if OP is being truthful about how things went down.

You do not walk away from a good marriage because your spouse snooped on you. You take him to counselling and try to work things out, give it several other goes.

Now, we have not heard the other side of the story, so it is hard to say.

(I posted earlier that she was gaslighting him.)

I believe he must be truthful in how this went down, because of the following factors: he made it seem like it was a specific situation for which he felt jealous. He made no indication of a pattern. He seemed pretty clear that it was one event or a short series of events.

I also think that fact that he is all hand-wringing over his failure by feeling jealous and snooping - this to me indicates that she really gave it to him for this one time (or short period) of jealousy/anxiety on his part. this is the part that seems like she successfully gaslighted him.

If he were some kind of controlling jealous guy, he generally wouldn't be all navel-gazing and wringing his hands. These symptoms seem induced by a serious gaslighting attack by the cheating wife. Just enough to hide her indiscretions and shift the blame to the OP. So she is now in the clear.

This is how this stuff goes down. This is NOT how things turn out when you just have an emotionally abusive husband who it jealous and controlling - those guys don't go out and pine away in an apartment.

I would add this line is a serious tell: "I ask her about her day and she gets mad thinking I'm snooping into what she's doing." If I had a dollar for every time I heard this in relation to a cheater! She's totally hiding something! Not normal!!

Maybe. Or maybe his anxiety has caused him to be controlling and he crossed a line when he accused her of cheating. Maybe he used to come him and ask how her day was, then ask who she talked to, had lunch with, what did she have, who did she sit next to, was she alone, why did she have lunch with him twice this week, why is your male coworker part of your lunch group, oh you’re still working on that project with him, who are you texting, why were you 5 minutes late-I didn’t run into traffic-what else were you doing, if you were only stopping for gas why didn’t you mention it in the first place then I wouldn’t have to be suspicious of you, are you sure you weren’t meeting anyone... If someone interrogated me and accuses me of cheating, I start to be wary of seemingly innocuous questions because I don’t want to start that crap again, especially if I left him for that very reason.

Sometimes people get defensive because they’re cheating and hiding something.

Sometimes people get defensive because they’re innocent and being accused of things they didn’t do.

[Anonymous]

I can't tell what the real issue here is. OP, describe yourself more? You believe you're a victim of something?

Just one incident of snooping isn't cause for a move-out, what else has happened?