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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op she is cheating on you.[/quote]

Female poster here. I have to agree with this, if OP is being truthful about how things went down.

You do not walk away from a good marriage because your spouse snooped on you. You take him to counselling and try to work things out, give it several other goes.

Now, we have not heard the other side of the story, so it is hard to say.[/quote]

(I posted earlier that she was gaslighting him.)

I believe he must be truthful in how this went down, because of the following factors:  he made it seem like it was a specific situation for which he felt jealous.  He made no indication of a pattern.  He seemed pretty clear that it was one event or a short series of events.

I also think that fact that he is all hand-wringing over his failure by feeling jealous and snooping - this to me indicates that she really gave it to him for this one time (or short period) of jealousy/anxiety on his part.  this is the part that seems like she successfully gaslighted him.

If he were some kind of controlling jealous guy, he generally wouldn't be all navel-gazing and wringing his hands.  These symptoms seem induced by a serious gaslighting attack by the cheating wife.  Just enough to hide her indiscretions and shift the blame to the OP.  So she is now in the clear.

This is how this stuff goes down.  This is NOT how things turn out when you just have an emotionally abusive husband who it jealous and controlling - those guys don't go out and pine away in an apartment.  [/quote]

I would add this line is a serious tell:  "I ask her about her day and she gets mad thinking I'm snooping into what she's doing."  If I had a dollar for every time I heard this in relation to a cheater!  She's totally hiding something!  Not normal!!

[/quote]

Maybe. Or maybe his anxiety has caused him to be controlling and he crossed a line when he accused her of cheating. Maybe he used to come him and ask how her day was, then ask who she talked to, had lunch with, what did she have, who did she sit next to, was she alone, why did she have lunch with him twice this week, why is your male coworker part of your lunch group, oh you’re still working on that project with him, who are you texting, why were you 5 minutes late-I didn’t run into traffic-what else were you doing, if you were only stopping for gas why didn’t you mention it in the first place then I wouldn’t have to be suspicious of you, are you sure you weren’t meeting anyone... If someone interrogated me and accuses me of cheating, I start to be wary of seemingly innocuous questions because I don’t want to start that crap again, especially if I left him for that very reason.

Sometimes people get defensive because they’re cheating and hiding something.

Sometimes people get defensive because they’re innocent and being accused of things they didn’t do. [/quote]

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