If We divorce would I typically get half of our savings/investments?

[Anonymous]

I find it so pathetic that anyone would feel entitled to someone else’s 401k - man or woman. If you wanted a 401k, get a job and earn it.

[Anonymous]

WHat is a SAHMs HHI? You mean his income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WHat is a SAHMs HHI? You mean his income?

Let me spell it out for you: HHI=Household Income

In case you’re confused that means it applies to everyone in that household.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, OP sounds so entitled. We don't even know what she did before she met her DH. Did you have a job? Was it a REAL job or a starter job while you waited to meet a DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where are you hearing this stuff about having to only cover 1/2 of college? Once the kids are 18, no one is legally required to pay for them to go to college, unless you've both agreed to do so in the form of a divorce decree. A judge isn't going to make someone do that.

A friend of mine has one son in his last year of college and a daughter in her final year of high school. They paid for their sons tuition, but last summer her DH decided to leave her for his 25 year old coworker, who has small children. DH is refusing to pay another penny for either child for school, and legally she can't force it. She's tried.

Granted, both kids loathe their father now, but that anger doesn't help them pay the tuition bills.

This. Neither parent has any obligation to pay for college after the kids are 18. You can get this entered into the separation agreement, though, and I did. XDH only agreed to pay about $10k a year, however, and that was after a lot of arm twisting from me and guilt after he made DD cry by telling her she’d have to leave her USNWR top 5 school where she was a junior. We had some 529 savings and my mom and I made up the rest, which was substantial. DD still barely has anything to do with XDH.

So was your ex involved beforehand as in 50:50 split of custody or could see them every other weekend etc ?

When XDH left, older DC was already in college and younger DS was a junior in high school. We let younger DS choose his living arrangements and he choose to live with me for 95% of his senior year of high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it so pathetic that anyone would feel entitled to someone else’s 401k - man or woman. If you wanted a 401k, get a job and earn it.

I agree. I’m the XDW with the XDH who is going after my 401(k). We earned about the same income and we both had 401(k)s. But I managed to save a lot more even though I paid 100% of the mortgage and maybe 80% of the private school bills. I used to joke to my mom and sister that I didn’t know where his paycheck went. I still don’t.

That said, trying to get something different than a 50-50 split is really hard. The greedy spouse will always argue that they couldn’t save because they were footing car repair bills or new appliances or whatever each month. At the end of the day, the judge will probably decide that household money is fungible, and unless you can prove an account in the Cayman Islands or that he supported his AP in an apartment or something, spending your money to get your lawyers to pursue this, or hiring a forensic accountant, probably isn’t worth your time. Of course every case is different, and talk to your lawyer about your own case, but this is what my lawyers told me.

I can still think XDH is greedy and pathetic, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, OP sounds so entitled. We don't even know what she did before she met her DH. Did you have a job? Was it a REAL job or a starter job while you waited to meet a DH?

I'm not the OP, but this comment is so stupid. Almost every SAHM I know in the DC area is extremely highly educated, and/or was high-earning before leaving the workforce. Very, very few women around here "wait" to meet a DH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so pathetic that anyone would feel entitled to someone else’s 401k - man or woman. If you wanted a 401k, get a job and earn it.

I agree. I’m the XDW with the XDH who is going after my 401(k). We earned about the same income and we both had 401(k)s. But I managed to save a lot more even though I paid 100% of the mortgage and maybe 80% of the private school bills. I used to joke to my mom and sister that I didn’t know where his paycheck went. I still don’t.

That said, trying to get something different than a 50-50 split is really hard. The greedy spouse will always argue that they couldn’t save because they were footing car repair bills or new appliances or whatever each month. At the end of the day, the judge will probably decide that household money is fungible, and unless you can prove an account in the Cayman Islands or that he supported his AP in an apartment or something, spending your money to get your lawyers to pursue this, or hiring a forensic accountant, probably isn’t worth your time. Of course every case is different, and talk to your lawyer about your own case, but this is what my lawyers told me.

I can still think XDH is greedy and pathetic, though.

So you weren't relying on ex spouse to be free domestic labor while you earned the money? Not really the same then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, OP sounds so entitled. We don't even know what she did before she met her DH. Did you have a job? Was it a REAL job or a starter job while you waited to meet a DH?

And we don't know who you are either, or what you're doing now, except being an ass. Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM with a high HHI. Some of our savings is tied into long term incentive plans at work

Generally you'll get half of everything from the date of marriage till the divorce. His retirement is also yours for the length of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so pathetic that anyone would feel entitled to someone else’s 401k - man or woman. If you wanted a 401k, get a job and earn it.

I agree. I’m the XDW with the XDH who is going after my 401(k). We earned about the same income and we both had 401(k)s. But I managed to save a lot more even though I paid 100% of the mortgage and maybe 80% of the private school bills. I used to joke to my mom and sister that I didn’t know where his paycheck went. I still don’t.

That said, trying to get something different than a 50-50 split is really hard. The greedy spouse will always argue that they couldn’t save because they were footing car repair bills or new appliances or whatever each month. At the end of the day, the judge will probably decide that household money is fungible, and unless you can prove an account in the Cayman Islands or that he supported his AP in an apartment or something, spending your money to get your lawyers to pursue this, or hiring a forensic accountant, probably isn’t worth your time. Of course every case is different, and talk to your lawyer about your own case, but this is what my lawyers told me.

I can still think XDH is greedy and pathetic, though.

So you weren't relying on ex spouse to be free domestic labor while you earned the money? Not really the same then.

Relying on them to be free domestic labor? Do “they” have no say in the matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Expect to split all marital assets and debts 50/50. Sounds like he has high income and you have zero income. Expect to split custody of your kids and you will get child support and probably some rehabilitative alimony while you re enter the workforce. Expect to soon get a full time job. Your alimony will only be short term, you will need to earn a living and support your self and 50% of kids.

We pushed our relationships to the brink lately so I found out my options. As primary caregiver for their entire lives, I would get primary custody. How much time I gave would be up to me, within reason. I'd get 50% of our assets, maintenance for 6 years and a large chunk of money. Instead of me paying for all of college I would only have to pay half. My assets were all protected coming into marriage, his were not. Thankfully counseling is working, it seems, but good luck OP.

Sneaky, Sneaky.

No it's called smart. She probably didn't co-mingle them and kept them separate. He had the choice to do the same...or didn't have assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, OP sounds so entitled. We don't even know what she did before she met her DH. Did you have a job? Was it a REAL job or a starter job while you waited to meet a DH?

I'm not the OP, but this comment is so stupid. Almost every SAHM I know in the DC area is extremely highly educated, and/or was high-earning before leaving the workforce. Very, very few women around here "wait" to meet a DH!

That’s interesting because most of the ones that come on here seem to claim that they couldn’t make enough to cover childcare which is why they quit working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, OP sounds so entitled. We don't even know what she did before she met her DH. Did you have a job? Was it a REAL job or a starter job while you waited to meet a DH?

I'm not the OP, but this comment is so stupid. Almost every SAHM I know in the DC area is extremely highly educated, and/or was high-earning before leaving the workforce. Very, very few women around here "wait" to meet a DH!

That’s interesting because most of the ones that come on here seem to claim that they couldn’t make enough to cover childcare which is why they quit working.

My childcare costs for ONE child are more than my entire PRETAX income in was (working in DC) was before I went to law school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it so pathetic that anyone would feel entitled to someone else’s 401k - man or woman. If you wanted a 401k, get a job and earn it.

I agree. I’m the XDW with the XDH who is going after my 401(k). We earned about the same income and we both had 401(k)s. But I managed to save a lot more even though I paid 100% of the mortgage and maybe 80% of the private school bills. I used to joke to my mom and sister that I didn’t know where his paycheck went. I still don’t.

That said, trying to get something different than a 50-50 split is really hard. The greedy spouse will always argue that they couldn’t save because they were footing car repair bills or new appliances or whatever each month. At the end of the day, the judge will probably decide that household money is fungible, and unless you can prove an account in the Cayman Islands or that he supported his AP in an apartment or something, spending your money to get your lawyers to pursue this, or hiring a forensic accountant, probably isn’t worth your time. Of course every case is different, and talk to your lawyer about your own case, but this is what my lawyers told me.

I can still think XDH is greedy and pathetic, though.

So you weren't relying on ex spouse to be free domestic labor while you earned the money? Not really the same then.

Relying on them to be free domestic labor? Do “they” have no say in the matter?

Both my husband and I work (making very similar money, both in high demand professional jobs) but it'd be a huge boost to each of our careers if one of us would quit and manage the household. If he did it, no doubt half the money would be rightfully his. Assuming he didn't sit on his ass and play video games while I kept paying for a nanny.