I want my MIL to stop sending 10 lbs of candy for every minor holiday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the validation. I will ask her to stop. I really didn’t think I was going to get that response.

Unfortunately we work from home so there is no break room to leave it!

Great, you work from home. So you will be there when the mail arrives and you can throw it away or whatever. Personally, I would take a baggie and fill it with a few pieces for each kid.

If the money comes after the tooth fairy has arrived, put it in your pocket. Yay! Problem solved.

For gifts and clothes, just go through them and give your kids what you want to give them. Donate the rest or put it on a shelf for another day.

What has worked as our kids have gotten older is to tell grandparents one thing the kid would like and then ask for money for "their college fund". The thrill of buying stuff seems to wear off after a while and both sets of parents have been open to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. It’s just frustrating to me. Literally, I weighed it, 10 lbs of candy per child arrive for every Valentine’s Day, St Patrick’s, Easter, Halloween. It gets old. MIL is morbidly obese, can’t walk ect, barely can hold on to a baby because of girth. She also sends outfits for holidays when I already have them, money from tooth fairy when the tooth fairy has already come, presents and stockings from Santa (with more like 20 lbs of candy per child). I want to say “you’ve already had your children. Reign it in!”. I’m sure I will flamed for this by those that have lost grandparents they have loved. I’m tired of being the candy police. It’s gets so old and there is a limit.

Give away the candy to people who serve our community: Police, firefighters, nurses and doctors, nursing homes, homeless shelters ( especially the homeless) Think of all homeless or nursing home patients who don't have any one to give them candy. Same with the clothes. This person is looking for love from you and thinks that overgiving is the answer. Just say thank you and find people who could really use cheering up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Title says it all. It’s just frustrating to me. Literally, I weighed it, 10 lbs of candy per child arrive for every Valentine’s Day, St Patrick’s, Easter, Halloween. It gets old. MIL is morbidly obese, can’t walk ect, barely can hold on to a baby because of girth. She also sends outfits for holidays when I already have them, money from tooth fairy when the tooth fairy has already come, presents and stockings from Santa (with more like 20 lbs of candy per child). I want to say “you’ve already had your children. Reign it in!”. I’m sure I will flamed for this by those that have lost grandparents they have loved. I’m tired of being the candy police. It’s gets so old and there is a limit.

Give away the candy to people who serve our community: Police, firefighters, nurses and doctors, nursing homes, homeless shelters ( especially the homeless) Think of all homeless or nursing home patients who don't have any one to give them candy. Same with the clothes. This person is looking for love from you and thinks that overgiving is the answer. Just say thank you and find people who could really use cheering up.

If your kids are old enough involve them when giving it away. Have the kids help make a card and then take the candy to the fire station. My kids LOVED visiting the station and the fire fighters always enjoyed getting the treats.

[Anonymous]

Donate to the food bank or shelter. Seriously, it's a nice treat that some kids (and adults) might not often get to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"Hello MIL, from now on we have decided to stop the candy train. Thank you so much for sending candy in the past. Please don't send any more."

"Hello MIL, thank you for the candy we received today. I got rid of it, since I told you we were not accepting candy anymore. I appreciate the thought, however."

"Hmm, what candy? Oh, I don't open your packages anymore now. They go straight in the trash."

And then she'll get it.

I don’t think you should be giving relationship advice...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"Hello MIL, from now on we have decided to stop the candy train. Thank you so much for sending candy in the past. Please don't send any more."

"Hello MIL, thank you for the candy we received today. I got rid of it, since I told you we were not accepting candy anymore. I appreciate the thought, however."

"Hmm, what candy? Oh, I don't open your packages anymore now. They go straight in the trash."

And then she'll get it.

OP doesn't need to be cruel. The MIL is trying desperately to shower love on her grandchildren. There's a better way to handles this then "they go straight in the trash."

The last line was for fun, don't worry.

But seriously, 10lbs of candy is crazy. I would not hesitate to be very direct, at the cost of hurting her feelings.

Let me guess, you and your MIL have a nice icy relationship where you are uncomfortable and cordial on holidays and never have to interact otherwise?

[Anonymous]

She might be bored. Maybe do an amazon wishlist with books, pjs, little things the kids might actually need so she can scratch the itch to shop?

[Anonymous]

Give kids a bit of candy and donate the rest to work.
Money to savings
I asked my MIl to not get holiday shirts, but holiday PJs or plain shirts in a color for the holiday. I said it was because I wanted to hand them down to my younger kid and for the kids to wear them longer. So now I get red shirts for Valentines.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. Thanks again for all your replies. I realized that I am just upset with her general and need to stop interacting with her for awhile for my own sanity or bring this up in therapy. I like the idea of the food pantry and fire station. I looked them both up and we have ones nearby. I also could bring some to the Ronald McDonald House. Thanks for the suggestions.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a “peach”. I have two sons and completely dread the thought of having a DIL like you. My MIL does almost every thing “in excess”. She’s NANA so it’s to be expected. Guess what? I thank her, and donate the items that the kids do not need.

When they get their excessive East basket in a few months, I’ll let them choose 2 small pieces of candy and the rest goes away.

Don’t be petty or mean or “that” DIL, the tension and hurt feelings are just not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the validation. I will ask her to stop. I really didn’t think I was going to get that response.

Unfortunately we work from home so there is no break room to leave it!

You really read into all these responses what you want huh?

Most posters are not validating you but telling you not to be an ahole about something so minor and easily dealt with in a compassionate/non confrontational manner.

Ha! I thought the same thing. Almost no one told the OP to say something to the MIL. I agree with the majority that you say thank you and find another home for the candy. The rest of the things you use or donate. There is no reason to create hard feelings when another solution exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just give it away.

And tell her to stop. How hard is that?

[Anonymous]

It's rein it in. A monarch reigns.

[Anonymous]

Give her my address instead?? I'll take it.

[Anonymous]

yeah, throw the candy away if treats 4x a year is such a struggle but maybe also deal with how you hate your MIL for being fat and are terrified and angry that your children are related to her.