niece fishing for gifts?

[Anonymous]

So much drama in your head, OP.

At 19, lots of people are still self-centered and without social graces. I was like this, until I finally understood how the world worked.

Chances are, this message is really just asking for advice. Take it at its face value, please.

[Anonymous]

But you never actually bought her anything. Just gave her things you didn’t want. She’s not fishing for gifts but you are being stingy. It’s your NIECE.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can go to the major registries and type in her name to find it - walmart, target, babies r us, amazon, buy buy baby and a few others or also google her name. I'd send a gift card to Target to let them fill in what they don't have. If you want to do something bigger, I'd get a convertible car seat or two. They may not need it now but will in 6-8 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But you never actually bought her anything. Just gave her things you didn’t want. She’s not fishing for gifts but you are being stingy. It’s your NIECE.

Oh look, it’s OP’s sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you never actually bought her anything. Just gave her things you didn’t want. She’s not fishing for gifts but you are being stingy. It’s your NIECE.

Oh look, it’s OP’s sister.

OP here. That's exactly what I thought too (technically, ex-SIL, but still....). Hahahaha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But you never actually bought her anything. Just gave her things you didn’t want. She’s not fishing for gifts but you are being stingy. It’s your NIECE.

Hmmm. I wonder how much it cost to send 4 boxes full of brand-new clothes, bottles, diaper pail, bouncer, car seat, etc. etc. etc.?

Don't listen to ppl like this OP, you've done a lot for her.

[Anonymous]

Just send a gift already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - to clarify a couple of points that seem to be causing people a bit of heartburn....

As for the second-hand/hand-me-down items.... We sent four medium-sized moving boxes full of second-hand stuff in new or like-new condition - including a wifi enabled video monitor system, bouncer, diaper pail, baby tub, and an infant car seat that we used only twice. We also included a boatload of clothes, bottles, baby proofing items, etc. Some of these items were given to us and never even opened so they were in their original packaging. We didn't send her a box of some crappy, overwashed, stained onesies.

Second.... My other niece (with whom I have a close relationship), planned the shower and sent the invites. She knew what we had sent our pregnant niece. (She asked what we sent so they wouldn't need to put those items on the registry.) It would have been her decision not to send us the registry info, not the mother's.

The mother was not in a position to use the shower as a gift-grab as she wasn't invited, but I also would not be surprised if she were encouraging my pregnant niece to ask for more now. My former SIL is deeply emotionally disturbed and my pregnant niece, who was the oldest child still at home when the marriage fell apart, struggles with their boundaries the most. Now, I agree with the pps who said not to overthink it and I've chosen to think the best. However, if you knew the history, it would not surprise you that anyone might be suspicious - cold medicine and flu notwithstanding.

It’s interesting to send her piles of miscellaneous things that you didn’t use - even if it’s still in the packaging - but you stillsend your niece a proper baby gift as well. You have the resources - stop talking to strangers and trying to justify your behavior - and look up her rwgistry and send her something from it. Or a gift card.

[Anonymous]

It would never occur to me in a million years that someone asking for feedback on baby items was fishing for gifts. I asked lots of friends and family with kids for help with that stuff, and plenty of people have asked me. Assume the best of your niece and answer her questions. Save your aggravation for legitimately rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, let it go. You've been generous by sending these boxes
You've already done what you had to do as an aunt.
Give the advice if you can help and then you're done.

[Anonymous]

19 and pregnant. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

I guess that this is how people with more 'financial resources' think. Please direct your niece to this thread. I am pretty sure she'll never ask your advice again. Winning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd just answer with your advice and then not give it another thought. I would not buy one of them for her. Maybe her sibling said, "Ask Jess - she gives GREAT advice!" and the pregnant niece is overwhelmed with decision making so reached out to you.

Also, I like to assume the best of everyone, until/unless they give me a concrete reason not to. She hasn't given you that reason.

I would also guess this and not give it another thought. The best way to share the items you’re asking for advice about is to include the links so that there is no confusion over the different brands/models/features.

[Anonymous]

It would never occur to me in a million years that someone asking for feedback on baby items was fishing for gifts

This. OP, people do not act differently just because they have less money than you.

[Anonymous]

Giving things that you no longer want or need is something you would do for a co-workers daughter or something. Send her a personalized blanket from PBK or something. It’s the NICE thing to do for family. Asking someone for advice is not fishing. She didn’t even send you a registry link. You are nasty and selfish. Be nice to your niece.