I wish my husband was smarter than me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you get to make decisions and decide?

Because my husband has a very high IQ, thinks he's the bee's knees, and OK, somtimes makes good decisions. Sometimes, they're catastrophic, and he won't acknowledge that, because he's supposed to be the smart one.

+1

Control issues.

+2. He can build a computer from scratch, engineer a bridge, etc., but he has to vote on and have input on everything in our lives. It's like living with Chidi in the Good Place to get him to agree that basic things are good ideas.

If it is not 100% his idea to begin with, forget it! And there is absolutely NO convincing him that someone else's idea was his idea.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband dearly. He is sweet, kind, generous and a great lover. He adores me. But...I think I'm smarter than him. And...it really bugs me.

He's the Phil to my Claire; Tom to my Annette; Homer to my Marge.

I have friends that are so impressed by their husbands and defer to them for decisions, life planning etc.

I am in-charge of it all. Because my husband is kind of a dufus.

I'm so sick of it. [/qno one

noone is perfect but from what you've said he sounds like a great husband

+1

Not easy to find, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference between being smarter than your husband (describes my marriage) and thinking your husband is a doofus (hell no). I'd probably take the lead in a trivia match but I'd never make all of our life planning decisions without involving him because I have a more prestigious terminal degree or scored higher on the SATs or whatever other metric you're using.

No two people are exactly intellectually matched, but I can't imagine falling for someone I thought so little of that I'd compare him to Homer Simpson.

Yes yes women always think they are the smartest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you get to make decisions and decide?

Because my husband has a very high IQ, thinks he's the bee's knees, and OK, somtimes makes good decisions. Sometimes, they're catastrophic, and he won't acknowledge that, because he's supposed to be the smart one.

+1

Control issues.

+2. He can build a computer from scratch, engineer a bridge, etc., but he has to vote on and have input on everything in our lives. It's like living with Chidi in the Good Place to get him to agree that basic things are good ideas.

If it is not 100% his idea to begin with, forget it! And there is absolutely NO convincing him that someone else's idea was his idea.....

Yes! I would say we are married to the same person, but there is no way our DHs could only control 50% of either household. It makes me crazy.

[Anonymous]

There's many different types of intelligence. I'm more book smart which is useful in my profession (academic). But dh is people smart. He's amazing at reading people/situations as well as charming and charismatic. Guess which one of us makes more money? I'm always amazed at how people (strangers) are willing to go out of their way to help him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your friends husbands, sweet, kind, generous and great lovers? Do their husbands adore them? You may be well ahead of the game in terms of being happy.

You never truly know someone unless you actually live with them. I know many people on their second marriages, who are having enormous regrets about leaving their first spouse, because (they had it in their head) that they wanted someone "smart". Traded one set of problems for another, and would take their old life back in a minute, if only they could. PP here. I think other PP makes a great point by saying that OP's husband is not really a "doofus", but instead, lacks certain skills, which can be taught. Common sense (for example) can *not* be taught.

Really??? I don't know anyone who has regrets about their first divorce. Not one single person.

Depends how long they have been married (both times). Of course, if a family or two was decimated in the process, admitting remarriage is a regret is not likely.

I was smarter than my first husband. It, along with a lot of other things, drove me crazy. I divorced him and now I've been married to a wonderful man for many years, we have great kids, a wonderful life, etc. All that to say, while PP may know many people who regret leaving their first husband because of smarts, there are others who are not in that boat.

[Anonymous]

Somehow, I now have a mental picture of you and your husband being like Lois and Peter Griffin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your friends husbands, sweet, kind, generous and great lovers? Do their husbands adore them? You may be well ahead of the game in terms of being happy.

You never truly know someone unless you actually live with them. I know many people on their second marriages, who are having enormous regrets about leaving their first spouse, because (they had it in their head) that they wanted someone "smart". Traded one set of problems for another, and would take their old life back in a minute, if only they could. PP here. I think other PP makes a great point by saying that OP's husband is not really a "doofus", but instead, lacks certain skills, which can be taught. Common sense (for example) can *not* be taught.

Really??? I don't know anyone who has regrets about their first divorce. Not one single person.

Depends how long they have been married (both times). Of course, if a family or two was decimated in the process, admitting remarriage is a regret is not likely.

I was smarter than my first husband. It, along with a lot of other things, drove me crazy. I divorced him and now I've been married to a wonderful man for many years, we have great kids, a wonderful life, etc. All that to say, while PP may know many people who regret leaving their first husband because of smarts, there are others who are not in that boat.

PP here. I was referring to posters on the many other threads in DCUM, all of whom seem to think "marrying smart" is the answer. IRL, it most certainly is not.

[Anonymous]

But does he make you laugh/stay calm and easy?

I dated a guy who was not that brilliant, but he had a common sense, funny sexy manliness about him.

If he is in any way funny, try to enjoy that and remember the good in the dufus moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were. Not WAS

YES! I was wondering when someone would say that. No one ever gets subjective right.

.... If I were a rich man, da da da etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you get to make decisions and decide?

Because my husband has a very high IQ, thinks he's the bee's knees, and OK, somtimes makes good decisions. Sometimes, they're catastrophic, and he won't acknowledge that, because he's supposed to be the smart one.

+1

Control issues.

+2. He can build a computer from scratch, engineer a bridge, etc., but he has to vote on and have input on everything in our lives. It's like living with Chidi in the Good Place to get him to agree that basic things are good ideas.

Oh, god, yes. DH is super smart, really intelligent, I love that about him. But, he likes to have his finger in everything. EVERYTHING. It's the problem with having a big brain, you have the capacity to care about the sh!t that doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

I also love a doofus. But he's so sweet, he's manly manly, and he can make a decision.

[Anonymous]

OP, you just sound like you have the same problem that most women have after being married long enough - bored and tired of a passive husband. He might be on his game at work, but if he comes home and doesn't take initiative with decisions and researching things etc. etc. it's hard to respect him.

I commiserate. Not sure what the answer is, but I commiserate. And I am married to a math professor.

[Anonymous]

I wish I were smarter than my husband:
He is able to control the weather with his mind.
He can bend utensils, including spoons, with sheer willpower.
He can speak backwards for any length of time.
He can turn his eyelids inside out.

#FeelingLessThan

[Anonymous]

I cant decide if I'm shocked or amused with how poor the grasp on grammar is for so many of the DCUM forum. Maybe if you spent more time at a desk and less time on your back you wouldn't be so terrified of him leaving you?