Can Men and Women Really Be Friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can be. Why does sexual attraction mean you aren’t friends? Assuming said attraction isn’t the only motivator for everything else I don’t see the issue. People usually are friends with members of the opposite sex they find attractive, regardless of how hard they deny this

Because if you want end up dating other people seriously you are spending time away from your significant other and with someone else that you are good friends with and would like to sleep with but just haven’t yet. It can also make you less motivated to work something out with current significant other in a rough patch if you know there is this person potentially waiting in the wings. Chris Rock’s skit about Platonic Friends has some truth
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q75jOnQB0BI

So my answer is they can really be friends if there is no sexual interest or they know it would never work out.

You can find someone sexually attractive, know it would never work out and therefore never make an attempt at crossing that boundary and still care about their well being/enjoy conversation. It’s not as hard as people make it out to be.

[Anonymous]

I vote no on this.

Unless one of the parties is gay.

Because there will always be that elephant in the room.
Meaning sexual energy will constantly be flowing.

It is intangible so it is so easy to deny its existence, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

I vote no on this.

Unless one of the parties is gay.

Because there will always be that elephant in the room.
Meaning sexual energy will constantly be flowing.

It is intangible so it is so easy to deny its existence, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

It exists, but if both parties are in committed relationships and don't ever intend to act on the attraction, what's the difference if you otherwise get along? Eventually, as the friendship progresses, I find that the feelings of attraction fade and the friendship is just normal.

[Anonymous]

A married man could be friends with another woman but his wife will always ruin that friendship with her jealousy, justified or not. It only seems to work if the wife is also friends with her but even that doesn't mean there won't be trouble. Women can barely maintain friendships with other women because of how generally hateful they are. Few of them will tolerate their man being friends with another woman while imagining him talking to his friend about all of her shortcomings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A married man could be friends with another woman but his wife will always ruin that friendship with her jealousy, justified or not. It only seems to work if the wife is also friends with her but even that doesn't mean there won't be trouble. Women can barely maintain friendships with other women because of how generally hateful they are. Few of them will tolerate their man being friends with another woman while imagining him talking to his friend about all of her shortcomings.

a

Seriously? Where did you get this idea? I mean, I know that women can be catty, but does that mean they are hateful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A married man could be friends with another woman but his wife will always ruin that friendship with her jealousy, justified or not. It only seems to work if the wife is also friends with her but even that doesn't mean there won't be trouble. Women can barely maintain friendships with other women because of how generally hateful they are. Few of them will tolerate their man being friends with another woman while imagining him talking to his friend about all of her shortcomings.

...if this is your true opinion, you're hanging out with the wrong women.

I (female) prefer one on one friendships with women, although obviously have male friends and hang out with men in social situations. But my girl friends are THE BEST, we are incredibly close and their presence in my life is nothing but wonderful, supportive and enriching. To say that women can barely maintain friendships with other women because they are hateful is...sad, if you really think that you need to meet new people.

[Anonymous]

One of my good friends from work is guy who I was initially attracted to. After getting to know him better over several years, I stopped thinking he was cute, but the friendship element remained. Both of us are married to other people and nothing ever happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A married man could be friends with another woman but his wife will always ruin that friendship with her jealousy, justified or not. It only seems to work if the wife is also friends with her but even that doesn't mean there won't be trouble. Women can barely maintain friendships with other women because of how generally hateful they are. Few of them will tolerate their man being friends with another woman while imagining him talking to his friend about all of her shortcomings.

a

Seriously? Where did you get this idea? I mean, I know that women can be catty, but does that mean they are hateful?

No it does not. Many of us have awesome, meaningful relationships with other women. The idea that women hate each other because we are competing for resources (i.e. men) is outdated and sexist. If you don't already know this you need to spend more time talking to women.

[Anonymous]

This is a twist on the original topic but do you think it’s possible for two straight, married women to be attracted to each other? I have never been attracted to another woman before but I feel such an intensity about our friendship and pick up similar vibes from her...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, is it true what Billy Crystal says in "When Harry Met Sally?" that men and women can't be friends. My closest friend is female. We do not and have never had a sexual relationship. Would I be open to it if it were an option? To be honest, yes! I am a guy. But at the same time, I recognize boundaries, realize that she isn't into me in that way and we just hang out and have a great time, bitch about dating, what it takes to attract a mate, etc. It's fun. Plus, maybe through her girlfriends, I'll meet the woman of my dreams!

You answered your own question. That's why you can't.

Exactly.

+ 1,000

[Anonymous]

of course you can. I have a lot of male friends, my husband has a lot of female friends and we trust each other. Anyone who think you can't have friendship with the opposite sex is a biggot and is missing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A married man could be friends with another woman but his wife will always ruin that friendship with her jealousy, justified or not. It only seems to work if the wife is also friends with her but even that doesn't mean there won't be trouble. Women can barely maintain friendships with other women because of how generally hateful they are. Few of them will tolerate their man being friends with another woman while imagining him talking to his friend about all of her shortcomings.

...if this is your true opinion, you're hanging out with the wrong women.

I (female) prefer one on one friendships with women, although obviously have male friends and hang out with men in social situations. But my girl friends are THE BEST, we are incredibly close and their presence in my life is nothing but wonderful, supportive and enriching. To say that women can barely maintain friendships with other women because they are hateful is...sad, if you really think that you need to meet new people.

My observations are mine and I stand by them. I've been friends with many women and observed how they treat their women friends, tell their secrets, and fight over dumbest things. But I apologize for generalizing. I've also seen some who have formed very tight bonds with their female friends, sharing each other's deepest, darkest secrets. Those are the friends who will conspire with her to cover her lies for any bad behavior she wishes to engage in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can bi/pan people have friends at all?

I was thinking about this when I posted something before. No and yes.

Yes, but. Just bring your partner with you when you hang out. I’m straight, but really, that’s what I do 99% of the time. My so enjoys my friends, my friends enjoy my so.

Anyways, we have a very open trusting relationship, we don’t keep late hours, etc, so that goes a long way. Phones left out in the open, we use each other’s devices, know passwords. If you have a situation like that, I think a few hours out with friends can be just that.

Here we go again with the "bisexuals are untrustworthy" mentality.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have much stronger friendships with males than females. Part of it is due to the field i am in and I am around men. But part is I like that they are no drama. We don't score keep about who called who last, or whose turn it is for something. We just get along and hang out when we can.
Most are married and I know their spouses, they know mine. I have ZERO physical attraction to any of them and they don't fill some void in my life. They just make it more fun to work and do social things. My husband hates going to movies so i occasionally go with one of my male friends whose wife also hates the movies and we meet up for lunch/ dinner with both after.
Not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was younger, I had a couple of friendships with women that were literally just friendships. We drifted apart over the years for various amicable reasons that weren't related to sex. These were completely innocent, non-sexual relationships.

But that was a different time (the 1980s and 1990s, mostly). The culture has changed to the point where I'm now "strictly business" with any woman that I am not related to or dating, especially with all the MeToo stuff. In many ways, it's just easier now to be with your own gender, where you can be yourself and not have to continually play a mental chess game of trying to anticipate how anything you say or do will be misinterpreted.

I'm grateful that I came of age when I did.

I’m a woman, and I’ve feared this stance developing in men. It makes me sad. But I totally get the reasoning to protect yourself. It also makes t tough for dating. The biases are there, always have been, but it didn’t seem so complex before.