Can Men and Women Really Be Friends?

[Anonymous]

Of course

[Anonymous]

Short answer: yes they can be friends.
Nuanced answer: if you are in a committed relationship, better steer clear. Why would you want to:
-instigate potential jealousy
-make anyone think you are being disloyal
-spend time with many other people besides your partner (and yes, I do, but my spouse knows them, is welcome to hang out with us too, knows I’m not attracted to that gender at all)

Any of the above, to the smallest degree, is rude in a relationship. Your old friends should support you and allow distance. True friends will support you and your relationship, not be a friend to one half of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I thought they could be. Even when I was sure the guy couldn't see me in that light. If you want to know the truth about yourself and a friend of the opposite sex, have some tequila and the truth will come out.

[Anonymous]

I agree too risky if in a committed relationship. As OP admitted, there are actionable feelings there.

[Anonymous]

When I was younger, I had a couple of friendships with women that were literally just friendships. We drifted apart over the years for various amicable reasons that weren't related to sex. These were completely innocent, non-sexual relationships.

But that was a different time (the 1980s and 1990s, mostly). The culture has changed to the point where I'm now "strictly business" with any woman that I am not related to or dating, especially with all the MeToo stuff. In many ways, it's just easier now to be with your own gender, where you can be yourself and not have to continually play a mental chess game of trying to anticipate how anything you say or do will be misinterpreted.

I'm grateful that I came of age when I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can be. Why does sexual attraction mean you aren’t friends? Assuming said attraction isn’t the only motivator for everything else I don’t see the issue. People usually are friends with members of the opposite sex they find attractive, regardless of how hard they deny this

Because if you want end up dating other people seriously you are spending time away from your significant other and with someone else that you are good friends with and would like to sleep with but just haven’t yet. It can also make you less motivated to work something out with current significant other in a rough patch if you know there is this person potentially waiting in the wings. Chris Rock’s skit about Platonic Friends has some truth
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q75jOnQB0BI

So my answer is they can really be friends if there is no sexual interest or they know it would never work out.

[Anonymous]

Can bi/pan people have friends at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can bi/pan people have friends at all?

I was thinking about this when I posted something before. No and yes.

Yes, but. Just bring your partner with you when you hang out. I’m straight, but really, that’s what I do 99% of the time. My so enjoys my friends, my friends enjoy my so.

Anyways, we have a very open trusting relationship, we don’t keep late hours, etc, so that goes a long way. Phones left out in the open, we use each other’s devices, know passwords. If you have a situation like that, I think a few hours out with friends can be just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if I’m a lesbian does this mean I can’t have any female friends? That’s absurd

Exactly, and I am not a lesbian. Not that it matters.

[Anonymous]

I think so. I am 45 and have a few genuine male friends in their early 30s that I initially met at work. To be honest, because of the age difference, they aren't attracted to me and I am not attracted to them, so it just isn't an issue. I'm also married, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Only if woman is ugly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can bi/pan people have friends at all?

I was thinking about this when I posted something before. No and yes.

Yes, but. Just bring your partner with you when you hang out. I’m straight, but really, that’s what I do 99% of the time. My so enjoys my friends, my friends enjoy my so.

Anyways, we have a very open trusting relationship, we don’t keep late hours, etc, so that goes a long way. Phones left out in the open, we use each other’s devices, know passwords. If you have a situation like that, I think a few hours out with friends can be just that.

It was a rhetorical question, not my situation; but your suggestion would probably lead to resentment.

[Anonymous]

No. Because men can't, women can, hence no. Plus, men don't know how to be friends to women. They want to solve everything, and women just want somebody to listen and talk to.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I've had male friends at every stage of life that were just friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree too risky if in a committed relationship. As OP admitted, there are actionable feelings there.

This made me chuckle. Actionable feelings sounds like consultspeak for personal lives.

As for the question, of course they can. Being friends doesn't mean there is never any attraction, and it doesn't prescribe whether and what one does something about the attraction (if any), nor how the other person reacts, nor how the two friends move on past this kind of thing. Human relationships are not as binary as we would perhaps like them to be.