Woes of being the youngest (adult) child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you create a business case w ppt, graphs and such? I’d also include a graphic of your track record you mentioned there (0/6). I’m not joking. Leading a horse to water etc.

I've done something like this before. It gets ignored, or "hindsight is 20/20, we didn't know that then." And then the next occasion I have a suggestion, it gets dismissed. Rinse, repeat.

As for pp who asked if it could be my tone - I really don't think so. In fact, it might have been too passive. The more I try and be more assertive, the more one of my siblings resorts to personal attacks, and the others say nothing "to keep the peace."

I just can't win.

But at the end of the day, when I go to sleep at night, I'll know that I'm right - that's worth at least a little bit

OP, I am in a similar situation and have given up. It actually gives me more time to concentrate on other things I need to do and they can get on about doing it their way. Being assertive didn't work for me either, just made it worse.

[Anonymous]

I'm the youngest and routinely ignored also.

In addition, I'm totally the after-thought for everyone, probably because I'm single.

[Anonymous]

All of you, when possible, do not let how your parents treat you to dictate how you treat each other. It stops with you. You are all equals regardless of older, youngest, whatever.

[Anonymous]

I just don’t understand why you’d keep putting yourself through that. What kind of project is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you create a business case w ppt, graphs and such? I’d also include a graphic of your track record you mentioned there (0/6). I’m not joking. Leading a horse to water etc.

I've done something like this before. It gets ignored, or "hindsight is 20/20, we didn't know that then." And then the next occasion I have a suggestion, it gets dismissed. Rinse, repeat.

As for pp who asked if it could be my tone - I really don't think so. In fact, it might have been too passive. The more I try and be more assertive, the more one of my siblings resorts to personal attacks, and the others say nothing "to keep the peace."

I just can't win.

But at the end of the day, when I go to sleep at night, I'll know that I'm right - that's worth at least a little bit

OP, this doesn’t sound like a birth order problem, but rather a sibling personality mismatch. Try to figure out a way to manage these personalities. If you keep blaming it on just being the youngest, you won’t get anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My younger brother seems to enjoy being the baby out of 4. He's 25, just married, lives 30 miles from Tybee Island, has a great job, when he comes to visit he is fawned over like a celebrity, and we love him dearly. I'm 20 years older than him, so he feels like one of my kids. He keeps my mom young (she was my age when he was born), and he's a blessing to have. Sorry your life isn't as golden.

I feel bad for his wife.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for 4th child females. It's a rough dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's a hint: It's not your age. They just don't respect you.

+1

[Anonymous]

You haven't said what the project is. that makes a difference. Maybe they see you as the complainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the youngest and agree. Even into my 20s if they were eating dessert in the sitting room I would have it it at the table in the dining room in case I would spill, or something. Quit participating. You caaaannnnnoooooottt win. Accept the reality.

??? Even if you have some sort of motor disability, like my son has, this is abusive. I've never singled him out like this. I just make him clean up afterward.

Yeah, but I don’t think they realize it is abusive. I think they think the fact of my birth order makes my age (now in my 30s), like, break the time-space continuum.

[Anonymous]

OP I am so sympathetic. I'm the youngest and the least accomplished in a very accomplished family, and when we get together on vacations I'm never allowed to plan a meal or an outing or an event. They will say they letting me do it, but then they will step in and interfere with every step. I sometimes wonder how they think I live, take care of my family, go to work, etc. when I don't have them around to micromanage me.

[Anonymous]

Ugh youngest children are always so whiny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You haven't said what the project is. that makes a difference. Maybe they see you as the complainer.

NP, and maybe. But I'm fifty and the youngest, and I've had to step out of participating in certain things because I know I won't be listened to. Or I'll be listened to only to be told why I'm wrong. So I don't invest time or money in planning things that I'm going to have no say in. "You all seem to have a firm idea of how you want to do this, and I have my doubts, so go ahead without me." "That doesn't sound workable to me, but good luck -- I'm opting out."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You haven't said what the project is. that makes a difference. Maybe they see you as the complainer.

NP, and maybe. But I'm fifty and the youngest, and I've had to step out of participating in certain things because I know I won't be listened to. Or I'll be listened to only to be told why I'm wrong. So I don't invest time or money in planning things that I'm going to have no say in. "You all seem to have a firm idea of how you want to do this, and I have my doubts, so go ahead without me." "That doesn't sound workable to me, but good luck -- I'm opting out."

Good response, thanks for sharing