Woes of being the youngest (adult) child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the youngest and agree. Even into my 20s if they were eating dessert in the sitting room I would have it it at the table in the dining room in case I would spill, or something. Quit participating. You caaaannnnnoooooottt win. Accept the reality.

??? Even if you have some sort of motor disability, like my son has, this is abusive. I've never singled him out like this. I just make him clean up afterward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So stop participating. You know the drill.

I could, but I have a stake in this project. I could either:
(A) never offer my opinion or take on things, which have a 100% track record at this point, and sit back offering no insight on steering us in the right direction
(B) offer up my suggestions, but be constantly dismissed or suggested later by someone else--where then it's suddenly a good idea

At least by participating, I have the confidence of knowing I'm right. But being the youngest... you can't win. You just can't.

I'm sure my sister would say the same thing. She thinks she's always right too . . . even when she isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So stop participating. You know the drill.

I could, but I have a stake in this project. I could either:
(A) never offer my opinion or take on things, which have a 100% track record at this point, and sit back offering no insight on steering us in the right direction
(B) offer up my suggestions, but be constantly dismissed or suggested later by someone else--where then it's suddenly a good idea

At least by participating, I have the confidence of knowing I'm right. But being the youngest... you can't win. You just can't.

I'm sure my sister would say the same thing. She thinks she's always right too . . . even when she isn't.

Ditto for my brother (middle child). And when you provide an alternative suggestion, holy hell do they get defensive and angry. And then when they're wrong, and they try the 4th suggestion (that you first suggested), which ends up being the right one... it's silence. Yeah bro, your 4th idea was right. But it was my 1st. Rinse, repeat. One of these days I'm not going to be able to bite my tongue on "I told you so."

[Anonymous]

I'm the youngest of 3. We each take the lead in different areas. But I am the organizer of big family events. My family respects me and I respect them. It's not a sibling order thing at all.

My DH is the youngest in his family. He is smarter and more accomplished than his older sister. However, I do think she was hurt by the sexism in their family. He was seen as capable and she was seen as incapable. This has caused their lives to unfold in drastically different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the youngest of 3. We each take the lead in different areas. But I am the organizer of big family events. My family respects me and I respect them. It's not a sibling order thing at all.

My DH is the youngest in his family. He is smarter and more accomplished than his older sister. However, I do think she was hurt by the sexism in their family. He was seen as capable and she was seen as incapable. This has caused their lives to unfold in drastically different ways.

This is very interesting. My DH is also the youngest and has an older sister. He’s also smarter and more accomplished than her, but his family always held her up as the more capable and successful one...until she wasn’t. She’s doing fairly well but struggles with the fact that she isn’t the golden child anymore. She loves DH but obviously resents him. I can’t stand her.

[Anonymous]

My little brother (youngest) has great ideas. I'm not sure your dynamic is a function of age.

[Anonymous]

My DH's family is the same way. DH is middle child and it's his older brother who they will always listen to for all the ideas.

Sadly, you can't fight it.

[Anonymous]

Are you the one telling them things they don't want to hear, as opposed to the one saying things that sounds pleasant and easy, even if they are not going to work? Because that may be part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

i am the youngest of three. The oldest (sister) is very bossy but that is her personality. i think I am actually outperforming my role (much younger) given her bosiness. I was annoyed by her recently so I ignore her. She tried to reach out but I let her stew.

[Anonymous]

I am with you, OP. I'm the youngest working on a family project in which I have a large financial stake. Given my professional background, I have a more informed opinion about these things. It's been a struggle. I can't wait for the project to be over a year so from now. And people who are saying to detach, that's hard to do when there's a family business involved.

[Anonymous]

Can you create a business case w ppt, graphs and such? I’d also include a graphic of your track record you mentioned there (0/6). I’m not joking. Leading a horse to water etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you create a business case w ppt, graphs and such? I’d also include a graphic of your track record you mentioned there (0/6). I’m not joking. Leading a horse to water etc.

I've done something like this before. It gets ignored, or "hindsight is 20/20, we didn't know that then." And then the next occasion I have a suggestion, it gets dismissed. Rinse, repeat.

As for pp who asked if it could be my tone - I really don't think so. In fact, it might have been too passive. The more I try and be more assertive, the more one of my siblings resorts to personal attacks, and the others say nothing "to keep the peace."

I just can't win.

But at the end of the day, when I go to sleep at night, I'll know that I'm right - that's worth at least a little bit

[Anonymous]

OP, here's a hint: It's not your age. They just don't respect you.

[Anonymous]

All I have to say is that it's hard being the oldest and the favorite child. The crown is heavy and comes with lots of responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I feel your pain OP.

I'm sure my older sibling feels all the responsibility, but they could come to me and suggest dividing up the work instead of ordering me to do things. I suggested this, and it ended with them becoming even more controlling.

Any suggestions I try to give are also diminished by my siblings spouse, so at this point I have somewhat given up. I have finally figured out I am not respected and only tolerated.