I’m entitled to my opinion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Most of them are small, but they are relentless:

He doesn't like what cooking oil I use (lately I have been using ghee and coconut oil). He went so far as to tell my relatives over Christmas that he thought it was "despicable" ??

He doesn't like when I wear glossy lipstick or when I wear my hair with a wave.

He doesn't like any of my DIY projects like making sauerkraut or bone broth even though they do not impact him at all.

He doesn't like the movies I like to watch. God forbid he watch something he doesn't like once to please me!

It really is endless it feels sometimes. I want to run away.

sorry OP. This is not him expressing an opinion so much as continually judging and criticizing you--his 'opinions' add up to someone who does not admire or validate you and makes sure that you know it. This is not what loving partners do, its what immature passive aggressive jerks do.

this is what it sounds like to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is my DH’s favorite phrase. It feels like he disagrees with me about anything and everything just to assert himself. God it’s lonely.

My response to BIL

"Yes you are, and I'm entitled to not hear it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most of them are small, but they are relentless:

He doesn't like what cooking oil I use (lately I have been using ghee and coconut oil). He went so far as to tell my relatives over Christmas that he thought it was "despicable" ??

He doesn't like when I wear glossy lipstick or when I wear my hair with a wave.

He doesn't like any of my DIY projects like making sauerkraut or bone broth even though they do not impact him at all.

He doesn't like the movies I like to watch. God forbid he watch something he doesn't like once to please me!

It really is endless it feels sometimes. I want to run away.

sorry OP. This is not him expressing an opinion so much as continually judging and criticizing you--his 'opinions' add up to someone who does not admire or validate you and makes sure that you know it. This is not what loving partners do, its what immature passive aggressive jerks do.

this is what it sounds like to me.

+1

It does sound like ongoing criticism of OP's choices, tastes and interests. Her DH uses "my opinion" as his cover for finding fault.

OP, I'd sit down and think hard about why you and he got married and what has (or hasn't) changed. Do you and he have things in common that you enjoy together? Did you at first, and that changed? Has he always been this way but it's grown pickier and more frequent? Did you take up hobbies after marriage that brought out this behavior in him? (It sounds like you enjoy cooking and trying different things, and he's not on board--if he doesn't like some foods that's no reason to snark at you about them unless you somehow try to force them on him!)

Can you list reasons you love him as he is now? Qualities you love in him? Not things you loved when you got married--things you love now.

If you think first about his criticism and not about his good points--then you need to consider individual or couples therapy and maybe consider whether you and he just don't have enough in common.

[Anonymous]

OP do you have kids? If not I'd seriously consider leaving. What a relief that would be. People like this usually get worse when they are older.

Does he have a judgemental family? Did this start recently?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just how hard is it to get damn canola?

Canola contains omega 6 fatty acids, we already get too much of those.

Controlling much?

Is OP preventing DH from buying canola and cooking with it? Doubt it.

+1. Buying some other oil and cooking his own food would be the easy solution if is really were about personal preference, but it's not. It's about OP's husband looking for excuse to criticize and belittle her.

OP, if you don't have kids (and perhaps even if you do), i agree with the others saying to get out now. This isn't the example you want for kids of a healthy relationship. It's not even a marriage counseling issue really (although maybe marriage counseling would help him realize his own personal problems), it's one he needs to recognize and commit to working on in himself, probably with the help of a skilled therapist of his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just how hard is it to get damn canola?

Canola contains omega 6 fatty acids, we already get too much of those.

Controlling much?

Is OP preventing DH from buying canola and cooking with it? Doubt it.

Wow. If the type of cooking oil is the breaking point for you, I want your life.

[Anonymous]

OP - are you someone who always has to have the last word? Observe if this is you, then stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just how hard is it to get damn canola?

Canola contains omega 6 fatty acids, we already get too much of those.

Controlling much?

Is OP preventing DH from buying canola and cooking with it? Doubt it.

+1. Buying some other oil and cooking his own food would be the easy solution if is really were about personal preference, but it's not. It's about OP's husband looking for excuse to criticize and belittle her.

OP, if you don't have kids (and perhaps even if you do), i agree with the others saying to get out now. This isn't the example you want for kids of a healthy relationship. It's not even a marriage counseling issue really (although maybe marriage counseling would help him realize his own personal problems), it's one he needs to recognize and commit to working on in himself, probably with the help of a skilled therapist of his own.

+1 It will get worse. Mine started with wanted to "show" me how to cook, how to shop, what music was best, what TV was bad. He doesn't like the way I dress so he calls me a librarian, gets bent out of shape when I want to work on my garden because I don't "do it right". He is OCD and it just chipped away at my self esteem until I stopped doing things myself except at work, where I excelled without the constant criticism.

Unfortunately, we have kids. We have been in therapy for more than a year. He acknowledges he is critical but as soon as he is agitated about something, it is all out the window. I go to therapy to help me handle how to respond, and to learn coping tools. If we did not have kids, I would be gone. For now, it just sucks.

Part of the issue is if you don't get the positive. If you got compliments, you probably would be able to weather a canola oil comment. If you only get negative, you may be at a point where the slightest comment just sounds like more of the same. Unfortunately, you have to rely on him to reduce the critical and increase the positive. The most you can do is to model positive and try to give him slack if you see improvement to give him positive reinforcement.

Sorry OP. It is tough.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a bully. Coconut and making picked things can smell gross, so that I can understand, the other examples are bullying behaviors and I would tell him in front of everybody to stop being a jerk and something more than that. If you keep taking it, what makes you think he will ever stop? You say he is sarcastic? Is he very smart, smart people are like that, sarcastic, kind of can't help it but it is annoying. If he is a dumb a** then he is an abuser and if he is smart her need to learn to stop. He was probably used to similar put downs while he was a child and his own parents probably do the same.
I wouldn't take any of the crap, dinner, family, people around... I would create a scene and even a fight and have done so for much less. Nobody disrespects me, nobody. My DH, who is a nice guy, but was insecure around his Dad in the beginning, learned pretty fast that I am the sweetest person and very thoughtful to him and his family, but insult me? They will all hear it, him, his Dad, everybody. Take ownership of your own life. All it takes is a spine.

[Anonymous]

I bought some smoked fish the other day. DH can't stomach it; he says it stinks to high heaven. I should probably get bent out of shape and file for divorce.

[Anonymous]

So, just to clarify- you think your husband is an asshole because he doesn't coconut oil?

Thank you for that. I just realized my wife is awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, just to clarify- you think your husband is an asshole because he doesn't coconut oil?

Thank you for that. I just realized my wife is awesome.

Same here. OP subscribes to some new fad and cooks unpleasant food and then blames her husband for not liking it. Conflict will take more out health than any fats. Bone broth? Why? For fun?

[Anonymous]

Why am I certain OP doesn't give BJs because 'theyre gross' but expects her husband to eat whatever nasty she she plates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why am I certain OP doesn't give BJs because 'theyre gross' but expects her husband to eat whatever nasty she she plates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, just to clarify- you think your husband is an asshole because he doesn't coconut oil?

Thank you for that. I just realized my wife is awesome.

Same here. OP subscribes to some new fad and cooks unpleasant food and then blames her husband for not liking it. Conflict will take more out health than any fats. Bone broth? Why? For fun?

Agreed. I don’t know what the food and meal dynamic was like before OP went down the ghee and coconut oil road, but I can understand his displeasure if all of a sudden she’s cooking nasty crap for whatever fad diet she’s on, and he’s either expected to eat it and love it, or she’s just unilaterally told him to cook for himself. Which is fine, but if the custom has never been that before, he’s entitled to his feelings. The person making the diet change should never expect everyone else in the house to love it or be on board.