Ungrateful Christmas child guest

[Anonymous]

OP here. I have known the boy since he was five and so it's not like I'm a new addition to the family. This is a family which hugs as a hello and goodbye so I don't get what people are upset about. I hug my stepson goodbye and so does my DH. Anyway, I raised this with my DH and he thinks the kid was just nervous about flying and forgot his manners. I have to admit he was very polite and exhibited gratitude at the beginning of his visit and towards the end, he just seemed to exist in his own world.

[Anonymous]

A hug is no good if it is demanded. That's creepy, Op. if that is the only way you know if he likes/or appreciates you, there is something much bigger wrong here. However, if the child saying something rude or an eye roll or actually does something rude (just not the absence of affection ... ), you do not have to remain silent, and you can demand appreciation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the step grandparent?

Stop having any expectations of your stepchildren or stepgrandchildren now. Be grateful they turn up. Trust me - I come from a complicated family - they will warm to you if you are kind and if you don't show you have expectations of their behavior or feelings toward you.

NP. No wonder American kids are so rude. Because adults in this country don't have expectations of their behaviors or feelings toward them.

Yup. As an American who has lived all over the world, we have the rudest kids with the lowest parental expectations (and the most spoiled, BTW).

Agree. I really do not understand when discipline became such a terrible thing.

[Anonymous]

I have an 11-yo boy. I guarantee you somebody did something to upset him, and he was fuming over it when it was time to leave which affected his judgment and behavior in that moment. Rude? Yes. Something for an adult to have a fit over and take personally like you are? Absolutely not. Kids are not perfect and it is not always about you.

Chances are he got yelled in the car for his behavior because most of us do not throw oil on the fire and humiliate our children in front of others by calling them out on the spot. People can disagree over whether or not a child should be humiliated on the spot like that, but people do disagree on this, so you don't get to make that call for his dad.

I doubt based on your description of the family that the little boy is doomed to a lifetime of rudeness. Let this brief moment pass.

[Anonymous]

Get your story straight. Are you upset he didn't HUG you or upset he didn't say goodbye or upset he didn't THANK you?

Everyone has autonomy over their own bodies - I am never offended when someone doesn't want to hug me. You shouldn't be either. Kids get weird - so he didn't say goodbye.

Maybe the kid's parent had a talk with him in the car about not saying thank you - you don't know. But kids have no concept of how much work goes into hosting. My DD thought I LIKE hosting all the time because "you're always smiling while you do it."

[Anonymous]

I agree a child should say thank you, but if he said it at an earlier point he may have felt it was done.

Even if someone has hugged you 10,000 times before, they can choose not to hug the 10,001st.

[Anonymous]

Petty petty petty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get your story straight. Are you upset he didn't HUG you or upset he didn't say goodbye or upset he didn't THANK you?

Everyone has autonomy over their own bodies - I am never offended when someone doesn't want to hug me. You shouldn't be either. Kids get weird - so he didn't say goodbye.

Maybe the kid's parent had a talk with him in the car about not saying thank you - you don't know. But kids have no concept of how much work goes into hosting. My DD thought I LIKE hosting all the time because "you're always smiling while you do it."

I'm upset that he didn't make an effort to show gratitude..as in "Thanks so-and-so". He could have shouted a thank you from the car when he was getting in but he just told his dad, "You can say goodbye". Just something you know?

[Anonymous]

Well, it was rude but I’m guessing he was tired, overwhelmed, and just “peopled out.” Kids don’t handle those emotions as well as adults (and it’s hard for a lot of adults to handle those emotions!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a thread in the parenting forum where people are being harsh to a mom for disciplining her 4 yo for rudeness. The responders overwhelmingly felt the mom was too harsh for disciplining her child when the dc was very outwardly rude. Why? Because it's Christmas and kids should get their way and it fell into this horrible battle where the parents are calling the mom fat and narcissistic basically because she doesn't do Christmas the way they want her to (which is to give the kids free reign). These mom should are raising the the kids that are growing up to be bratty and get away with murder. They're scared to discipline.

I have teens who are regularly complimented on their behavior and who aren't disrespectful. I don't have the discipline issues with my kids that I read about on DCUM. But I thought OP of the pancake thread was ridiculous (although I certainly did not call her names in any of my posts). Here, I think insisting on a hug from anybody is rude. Hugs are something you request -- demanding a hug is entitled behavior and the 11-year-old responded in kind. The 11-year-old was rude, no doubt (and in my house, refusing to say a verbal thank you after receiving a nice gift or having a nice dinner would have been immediately corrected). But the rudeness in this scenario started with OP (and that's the same story with pancake OP).

If you want to teach kids good manners, you have to show them good manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your story straight. Are you upset he didn't HUG you or upset he didn't say goodbye or upset he didn't THANK you?

Everyone has autonomy over their own bodies - I am never offended when someone doesn't want to hug me. You shouldn't be either. Kids get weird - so he didn't say goodbye.

Maybe the kid's parent had a talk with him in the car about not saying thank you - you don't know. But kids have no concept of how much work goes into hosting. My DD thought I LIKE hosting all the time because "you're always smiling while you do it."

I'm upset that he didn't make an effort to show gratitude..as in "Thanks so-and-so". He could have shouted a thank you from the car when he was getting in but he just told his dad, "You can say goodbye". Just something you know?

But he did earlier in the visit. You’re upset that he wouldn’t do it multiple times, on demand.

You know how sometimes when you’re stressed out, say from hosting a holiday event, and your schedule is off, you’re not always at your best and sometimes little things upset you that normally wouldn’t? Now imagine you’re 11, hormonal (god knows my kids were big balls of hormones and emotions at that age), you’re being dragged from one house to the next, you probably have had excess sugar, add in the excitement over all the gifts plus the stress of travel and flying, and then explain to me why you’re expecting him to be perfect again. I’ll give you a pass (not that you need it) for being upset because of all the holiday stress of you give him one for the same reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a thread in the parenting forum where people are being harsh to a mom for disciplining her 4 yo for rudeness. The responders overwhelmingly felt the mom was too harsh for disciplining her child when the dc was very outwardly rude. Why? Because it's Christmas and kids should get their way and it fell into this horrible battle where the parents are calling the mom fat and narcissistic basically because she doesn't do Christmas the way they want her to (which is to give the kids free reign). These mom should are raising the the kids that are growing up to be bratty and get away with murder. They're scared to discipline.

I have teens who are regularly complimented on their behavior and who aren't disrespectful. I don't have the discipline issues with my kids that I read about on DCUM. But I thought OP of the pancake thread was ridiculous (although I certainly did not call her names in any of my posts). Here, I think insisting on a hug from anybody is rude. Hugs are something you request -- demanding a hug is entitled behavior and the 11-year-old responded in kind. The 11-year-old was rude, no doubt (and in my house, refusing to say a verbal thank you after receiving a nice gift or having a nice dinner would have been immediately corrected). But the rudeness in this scenario started with OP (and that's the same story with pancake OP).

If you want to teach kids good manners, you have to show them good manners.

How was I not showing this child good manners? I didn't ask for a hug and didn't say anything when he ignored his dad's call to say goodbye. His dad was apologetic to me though. I don't get why I'm the bad guy in this thread.

[Anonymous]

You’re the adult. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get your story straight. Are you upset he didn't HUG you or upset he didn't say goodbye or upset he didn't THANK you?

Everyone has autonomy over their own bodies - I am never offended when someone doesn't want to hug me. You shouldn't be either. Kids get weird - so he didn't say goodbye.

Maybe the kid's parent had a talk with him in the car about not saying thank you - you don't know. But kids have no concept of how much work goes into hosting. My DD thought I LIKE hosting all the time because "you're always smiling while you do it."

I'm upset that he didn't make an effort to show gratitude..as in "Thanks so-and-so". He could have shouted a thank you from the car when he was getting in but he just told his dad, "You can say goodbye". Just something you know?

But he did earlier in the visit. You’re upset that he wouldn’t do it multiple times, on demand.

You know how sometimes when you’re stressed out, say from hosting a holiday event, and your schedule is off, you’re not always at your best and sometimes little things upset you that normally wouldn’t? Now imagine you’re 11, hormonal (god knows my kids were big balls of hormones and emotions at that age), you’re being dragged from one house to the next, you probably have had excess sugar, add in the excitement over all the gifts plus the stress of travel and flying, and then explain to me why you’re expecting him to be perfect again. I’ll give you a pass (not that you need it) for being upset because of all the holiday stress of you give him one for the same reason.

I'll give him a pass at 11 but I hope he'll be more appreciative in the years to come.

[Anonymous]

Just because you cooked and hosted doesn't mean you deserve a hug. Gross.