Ungrateful Christmas child guest

[Anonymous]

New poster here. I'm a step-grandparent too and I think OP you are too emotionally invested in this kid. Next time, just say hi and bye and don't do anything extra. He's a kid and children are inherently ungrateful. At this age, they have everything bought for them and schlepped everywhere and they just don't appreciate anything. Sorry to all the parents out there but it's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just because you cooked and hosted doesn't mean you deserve a hug. Gross.

Well I do think I deserved some thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a thread in the parenting forum where people are being harsh to a mom for disciplining her 4 yo for rudeness. The responders overwhelmingly felt the mom was too harsh for disciplining her child when the dc was very outwardly rude. Why? Because it's Christmas and kids should get their way and it fell into this horrible battle where the parents are calling the mom fat and narcissistic basically because she doesn't do Christmas the way they want her to (which is to give the kids free reign). These mom should are raising the the kids that are growing up to be bratty and get away with murder. They're scared to discipline.

I have teens who are regularly complimented on their behavior and who aren't disrespectful. I don't have the discipline issues with my kids that I read about on DCUM. But I thought OP of the pancake thread was ridiculous (although I certainly did not call her names in any of my posts). Here, I think insisting on a hug from anybody is rude. Hugs are something you request -- demanding a hug is entitled behavior and the 11-year-old responded in kind. The 11-year-old was rude, no doubt (and in my house, refusing to say a verbal thank you after receiving a nice gift or having a nice dinner would have been immediately corrected). But the rudeness in this scenario started with OP (and that's the same story with pancake OP).

If you want to teach kids good manners, you have to show them good manners.

How was I not showing this child good manners? I didn't ask for a hug and didn't say anything when he ignored his dad's call to say goodbye. His dad was apologetic to me though. I don't get why I'm the bad guy in this thread.

Expecting a hug and for people of any age to perform exactly how and when you want and to your specific requirements is rude. The 11-year-old was reacting to your expectations, which were rude. I'm not saying he wasn't rude (like I said, in my house a refusal to say a gracious thank you is something we'd correct), but you were rude too, and rude first. You said you were upset because he didn't hug you. Feeling entitled to a hug is rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

Maybe his dad had just reprimanded him for something, out of your earshot, and he was feeling grumpy and awkward. Kinda sucks and is annoying, but give him a pass and consider it an extra Christmas present to him and your son-in-law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a thread in the parenting forum where people are being harsh to a mom for disciplining her 4 yo for rudeness. The responders overwhelmingly felt the mom was too harsh for disciplining her child when the dc was very outwardly rude. Why? Because it's Christmas and kids should get their way and it fell into this horrible battle where the parents are calling the mom fat and narcissistic basically because she doesn't do Christmas the way they want her to (which is to give the kids free reign). These mom should are raising the the kids that are growing up to be bratty and get away with murder. They're scared to discipline.

I have teens who are regularly complimented on their behavior and who aren't disrespectful. I don't have the discipline issues with my kids that I read about on DCUM. But I thought OP of the pancake thread was ridiculous (although I certainly did not call her names in any of my posts). Here, I think insisting on a hug from anybody is rude. Hugs are something you request -- demanding a hug is entitled behavior and the 11-year-old responded in kind. The 11-year-old was rude, no doubt (and in my house, refusing to say a verbal thank you after receiving a nice gift or having a nice dinner would have been immediately corrected). But the rudeness in this scenario started with OP (and that's the same story with pancake OP).

If you want to teach kids good manners, you have to show them good manners.

How was I not showing this child good manners? I didn't ask for a hug and didn't say anything when he ignored his dad's call to say goodbye. His dad was apologetic to me though. I don't get why I'm the bad guy in this thread.

Expecting a hug and for people of any age to perform exactly how and when you want and to your specific requirements is rude. The 11-year-old was reacting to your expectations, which were rude. I'm not saying he wasn't rude (like I said, in my house a refusal to say a gracious thank you is something we'd correct), but you were rude too, and rude first. You said you were upset because he didn't hug you. Feeling entitled to a hug is rude behavior.

Ignore this crazy poster OP. You didnt do anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a thread in the parenting forum where people are being harsh to a mom for disciplining her 4 yo for rudeness. The responders overwhelmingly felt the mom was too harsh for disciplining her child when the dc was very outwardly rude. Why? Because it's Christmas and kids should get their way and it fell into this horrible battle where the parents are calling the mom fat and narcissistic basically because she doesn't do Christmas the way they want her to (which is to give the kids free reign). These mom should are raising the the kids that are growing up to be bratty and get away with murder. They're scared to discipline.

I have teens who are regularly complimented on their behavior and who aren't disrespectful. I don't have the discipline issues with my kids that I read about on DCUM. But I thought OP of the pancake thread was ridiculous (although I certainly did not call her names in any of my posts). Here, I think insisting on a hug from anybody is rude. Hugs are something you request -- demanding a hug is entitled behavior and the 11-year-old responded in kind. The 11-year-old was rude, no doubt (and in my house, refusing to say a verbal thank you after receiving a nice gift or having a nice dinner would have been immediately corrected). But the rudeness in this scenario started with OP (and that's the same story with pancake OP).

If you want to teach kids good manners, you have to show them good manners.

How was I not showing this child good manners? I didn't ask for a hug and didn't say anything when he ignored his dad's call to say goodbye. His dad was apologetic to me though. I don't get why I'm the bad guy in this thread.

Expecting a hug and for people of any age to perform exactly how and when you want and to your specific requirements is rude. The 11-year-old was reacting to your expectations, which were rude. I'm not saying he wasn't rude (like I said, in my house a refusal to say a gracious thank you is something we'd correct), but you were rude too, and rude first. You said you were upset because he didn't hug you. Feeling entitled to a hug is rude behavior.

Ignore this crazy poster OP. You didnt do anything wrong.

Call me crazy if you want, but I don't have the issues with my family (both immediate and extended) that a lot of you seem to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.

It is not appropriate for you to force a child that doesn’t want to hug you to do so. They need to feel that they have agency over there own bodies so that if another adult with bad intentions tries to pressure them into physical contact they will know they can say no. It’s not a big deal if you don’t get a hug.


However, his father should be teaching him to say Thank You since you hosted him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.

It is not appropriate for you to force a child that doesn’t want to hug you to do so. They need to feel that they have agency over there own bodies so that if another adult with bad intentions tries to pressure them into physical contact they will know they can say no. It’s not a big deal if you don’t get a hug.


However, his father should be teaching him to say Thank You since you hosted him.

I think I saw an article on this but it's getting overblown. There's a difference between hugging nice family members (like the OP) goodbye versus some molester. Geez...

[Anonymous]

Np. My 11 year old nephew is a jerk. But he was a jerk at 2, at 5, at 7, at 10, and is still a spoiled, bratty, incredibly selfish jerk at 11. Because his parents refuse to discipline him in their actions (their words may tell a different story).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So after all the hosting and cooking for my DH's son and his son, the 11-year-old kid wouldn't hug me goodbye before leaving (he told his dad "You can say goodbye!" and the dad said "Larlo says goodbye") Seriously???? Very upsetting to not get an acknowledgement or at least a verbal thank you from the younger boy. Are 11-year-olds becoming this self-centered?

You showed him which button works on you.

Is the kid usually a spoiled brat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.

It is not appropriate for you to force a child that doesn’t want to hug you to do so. They need to feel that they have agency over there own bodies so that if another adult with bad intentions tries to pressure them into physical contact they will know they can say no. It’s not a big deal if you don’t get a hug.


However, his father should be teaching him to say Thank You since you hosted him.

I think I saw an article on this but it's getting overblown. There's a difference between hugging nice family members (like the OP) goodbye versus some molester. Geez...

No. Molesters are usually family members.


If someone doesn't want to hug or kiss, they get to say no. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have known the boy since he was five and so it's not like I'm a new addition to the family. This is a family which hugs as a hello and goodbye so I don't get what people are upset about. I hug my stepson goodbye and so does my DH. Anyway, I raised this with my DH and he thinks the kid was just nervous about flying and forgot his manners. I have to admit he was very polite and exhibited gratitude at the beginning of his visit and towards the end, he just seemed to exist in his own world.

Aww...that is stressful. Is he flying with dad or flying alone back to mom? How often does he see your stepson?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. MY DH's son and his family are known to be huggers. It's normal and expected.

OP please do not take this personally. The kid is 11 and is taking out his frustrations about a fractured family out on you, but it really is not personal. It's just confusing to deal with complex interpersonal and interfamily dynamics at the age of 11. I was a massive brat to my stepdad when I was a 11, but we're close now (I am 33). Try not to hold this against the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because you cooked and hosted doesn't mean you deserve a hug. Gross.

Well I do think I deserved some thanks.

you said he did show gratitude earlier - how many times does he have to thank you? I think your expectations are a bit odd- and it's weird it bothered you so much you are fixated on it. he's an 11 year old kid for goodness sake. even a good kid doesn't have the fully developed social skills of an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have known the boy since he was five and so it's not like I'm a new addition to the family. This is a family which hugs as a hello and goodbye so I don't get what people are upset about. I hug my stepson goodbye and so does my DH. Anyway, I raised this with my DH and he thinks the kid was just nervous about flying and forgot his manners. I have to admit he was very polite and exhibited gratitude at the beginning of his visit and towards the end, he just seemed to exist in his own world.

Aww...that is stressful. Is he flying with dad or flying alone back to mom? How often does he see your stepson?

The 11yo lives with my stepson who has full custody of him (divorced for a few years). They flew into town and flew back together.