If you suspected a very close friend of having feelings for your spouse...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what is your impression of the friend’s relationship with her husband? Does she talk about him in a positive way? Does she seem in love with her own husband? I would listen to my own intuition anyway and distance myself but that may be a clue.

Sometimes I worry that other women might think I am more interested or engaged in conversation with their husband. In group activities I find I tend to talk to the men because I am more interested in what they are talking about (work, money stuff, politics, home improvement) than the topics women in my circle seem to talk about in groups (shopping, cooking, hair). One on one I talk more to the women.

It’s rude if you don’t spend a good chunk of time talking to the women. So, you might not be invited back and it might just be because you are kind of sucky in social situations, not because they think you’re into their husbands.
I had a big career in a male dominated technical field but I managed to spend a good amount of time talking to the ‘women’/‘moms.
You should put on your list ‘relating to people who are different than you’. It’s a life skill.
I don’t recall any conversations about ‘hair’, or ‘shopping’ or ‘cooking’. Mostly we shared things going on in our lives as it pertained to the kids.
I don’t see how you couldn’t discuss that some - I’m sure they found you rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what is your impression of the friend’s relationship with her husband? Does she talk about him in a positive way? Does she seem in love with her own husband? I would listen to my own intuition anyway and distance myself but that may be a clue.

Sometimes I worry that other women might think I am more interested or engaged in conversation with their husband. In group activities I find I tend to talk to the men because I am more interested in what they are talking about (work, money stuff, politics, home improvement) than the topics women in my circle seem to talk about in groups (shopping, cooking, hair). One on one I talk more to the women.

It’s rude if you don’t spend a good chunk of time talking to the women. So, you might not be invited back and it might just be because you are kind of sucky in social situations, not because they think you’re into their husbands.
I had a big career in a male dominated technical field but I managed to spend a good amount of time talking to the ‘women’/‘moms.
You should put on your list ‘relating to people who are different than you’. It’s a life skill.
I don’t recall any conversations about ‘hair’, or ‘shopping’ or ‘cooking’. Mostly we shared things going on in our lives as it pertained to the kids.
I don’t see how you couldn’t discuss that some - I’m sure they found you rude.

Wow, you managed to humblebrag, insult a stranger, and be totally judgmental and dense in one post! You win. Maybe you are not qualified to give social etiquette advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in the same situation a few years ago. In our case it was the mother of my son's friend. She fast friended us and wanted us to go out together or go over to there house all the time. At first I thought she was being an over indulgent parent trying to lock in her son's friendship because they were new friends, but it became very obvious that she was more interested in my husband. There was also drinking involved and I could not help but notice the extra attention and flirting. What made it worse was my kids started to notice and we faded out pretty quickly. I can say that my husband did nothing to bring this on and did not flirt back or act inappropriate. She was buttery nice to me in the beginning but anytime I tried to get together with her without my husband, she had an excuse .

How did you refrain from smacking her?

She is very connected to my community and has a lot of friends. Although , it would not surprise me if she has done this to others. She is very much an attention seeker. She is very pretty, but I'm guessing she is bored with her husband.

[Anonymous]

My DH is very good looking and successful and very active with our kids sports teams. There have been a few single moms who have taken an intense interest in his "coaching skills" and it drives him nuts. He dropped out from being a traveling team coach because these moms were so intent on being chaperones. It's sad that women will pursue your spouse but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Trust your intuition and ditch the friend. No explanations necessary. Just be unavailable.

[Anonymous]

Very close friend of mine and of my husbands developed a crush on him. She was constantly flirting and touching him and didn't even realize it herself sometimes how far she went. It made both of us super uncomfortable and we had to tell her. She was defensive and has been distant but at least it has stopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Very close friend of mine and of my husbands developed a crush on him. She was constantly flirting and touching him and didn't even realize it herself sometimes how far she went. It made both of us super uncomfortable and we had to tell her. She was defensive and has been distant but at least it has stopped.

What did you say?

[Anonymous]

Op, even if "worry" is not needed, you are uncomfortable and therefore you are allowed a preference for not having this friend as a close friend. You do not need to justify losing this friend. You owe no one an explanation, and frankly, should not mention it to anyone. You shouldn't even exert the energy to speculate whether your concern is true/not true. Let is go. Let her go. It's a preference. You are allowed a preference.

[Anonymous]

I think everyone is taking the wrong approach. You know those nights when you have had a long day and you can't wait to climb into bed and watch the real housewives of whatever city and fade to sleep? And then you walk in the bedroom and see the candles lit and hear Barry white playing? Instead of fumbling for a lie or getting hemorrhoids b/c you are sitting on the toilet til you hear him snoring, just shoot your "friend" a text:
Hey Marla, Larlo is in the mood and I'm not. Feel like coming over to hang out with him? Can you use the basement door? just try to stay quiet so the kids don't wake up and please clean up when you are done. I'll send him down there now. Thx

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm dealing with this exact scenario right now. It's turning me into a paranoid crazy person. So exhausting

I don't understand the problem. Ghost this chick yesterday and be done with it.

+1 to the PP who said to listen to your intuition.

+1

Any woman in heat for your man is NO friend, OP. Buh bye. Yesterday is right.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes DHs flirt back, but laugh behind the hag’s back. The hags have no idea. I have guy friends who do this, it’s kind of sad.