Why do they say to wait a long time to start a new relationship after a divorce/separation?

[Anonymous]

Learn to love being alone! Being single for the rest of your life is immensely better than being lonely in a bad marriage.

I loved bring single in the city just me and my cat! It was great. I got a FWB for hot grownup fun. It was a hard time sometimes of course but so worth it. I'm in a much better relationship now.

[Anonymous]

If it's the affair partner you may be ok because you have learned and loved each other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learn to love being alone! Being single for the rest of your life is immensely better than being lonely in a bad marriage.

I loved bring single in the city just me and my cat! It was great. I got a FWB for hot grownup fun. It was a hard time sometimes of course but so worth it. I'm in a much better relationship now.

You have mental disease or defect because women don't normally act in your manner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds snarky, but this is a genuine question. Truly, what should you be doing during that time period? And yes, this is something I am facing so I can only focus on the negative right now (being alone through the holidays, birthday, etc) and I want to know what makes that loneliness worth it. Because I can't see how it matters how many new hobbies I get, or how many friends I have, or how great of a family I have, or how much I go to the gym, I'm still going home to an empty house at the end of the night. Am I supposed to figure out how to enjoy this first and that's how I know I am "ready"?

You need to figure out what went wrong the first time, how you contributed to it (even if, or perhaps especially if, you pick bad partners), you need to work on your weaknesses, and only then should you think about dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learn to love being alone! Being single for the rest of your life is immensely better than being lonely in a bad marriage.

I loved bring single in the city just me and my cat! It was great. I got a FWB for hot grownup fun. It was a hard time sometimes of course but so worth it. I'm in a much better relationship now.

You have mental disease or defect because women don't normally act in your manner

[ZachF]

Who is making these rules for you and why do you feel like you have to follow the rules? I didn't wait a week to start dating after being separated, never mind divorced. You decide that for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learn to love being alone! Being single for the rest of your life is immensely better than being lonely in a bad marriage.

I loved bring single in the city just me and my cat! It was great. I got a FWB for hot grownup fun. It was a hard time sometimes of course but so worth it. I'm in a much better relationship now.

You have mental disease or defect because women don't normally act in your manner

Bwah ha ha whatever, dude go back to the 1950s. Or perhaps some repressive foreign country.

I miss that cat tho she was awesome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:to avoid jumping into a rebound relationship -- if you just need "someone" to fill the emptiness, you're doing it wrong

This!

Hence my ex’s second divorce after less than a year of marriage.

I waited. Happily remarried.

[Anonymous]

For a man you wait because you are rebuilding finances (quality women won't want a broke man) and because right out of the relationship you are weakest and most likely to be taken advantage of. The problem is that I am over three years on, and the water in the dating scene is hot enough that I don't feel like getting out and drying off anymore.

[Anonymous]

Men are different than women. They’ll jump into the next thing without caring how good or bad a fit the next thing is. This observation is based on all of the divorced or separated couples I know. The men recoupled before the ink was even written on the separation agreement. The women took their time to heal and to weed through all of the weirdos that compile the dating scene. I think men have it much easier than women in the dating scene these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are different than women. They’ll jump into the next thing without caring how good or bad a fit the next thing is. This observation is based on all of the divorced or separated couples I know. The men recoupled before the ink was even written on the separation agreement. The women took their time to heal and to weed through all of the weirdos that compile the dating scene. I think men have it much easier than women in the dating scene these days.

Easier only if you consider frequent dates with little quality control desirable. It would be “easier” to not grocery shop and cook at home, but instead to serve my kids Mickey D’s three meals a day, until I have to deal with my budget and their health problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. Thank you for all the responses - they really do help. This is all still new/fresh to me. Sometimes, I guess I need the reassurance that the loneliness will eventually lessen/go away and I will be happy again. It's tempting sometimes to rush toward things that SEEM like they will make me happy again, like a relationship, but I know deep down that isn't true - I'm seeking that fast forward button that doesn't exist. I need the reminders to stick it out.

I've been in your shoes. The first week my kids stayed with their Dad and I was on my own - I didn't even know what to do with myself. I went to work, came home and watched Ally McBeal. Eventually, I figured out that I was being pathetic and could put that time to good use doing whatever the hell I want. Now, almost 7 years later, I'm in a long term relationship and very happy but I also relish my time alone. This weekend, my kids are with their Dad, the boyfriend is visiting his children and it's just me and the dog in the house. It's effing glorious.

Take the time to get to know yourself and try out new adventures. It's worth every minute.