S/O insisting on hosting Thanksgiving etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his wife host every single year, because they insist on it. It's a pain for us because we're the only ones with young children and it's not far enough to warrant a hotel stay but the trip makes for a very long day. SIL also invites her parents, who aren't particularly nice people (vaguely racist and not-so-vaguely misogynistic). My parents come too and I don't think they really enjoy it. My mom and I have both offered to host numerous times and SIL always whines about how inconvenient that would be for her parents, so we give in. Rinse and repeat for Christmas and Easter. Every year, we get invited to spend those holidays with neighbors and close friends and I expect we'll take them up on it sooner or later.

There is nothing wrong with your brother hosting yearly. But you shouldn't go yearly. You should spend every other year with your family, every other year with your DH's family. What other people do shouldn't impact your own plans. Host your own and invite your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his wife host every single year, because they insist on it. It's a pain for us because we're the only ones with young children and it's not far enough to warrant a hotel stay but the trip makes for a very long day. SIL also invites her parents, who aren't particularly nice people (vaguely racist and not-so-vaguely misogynistic). My parents come too and I don't think they really enjoy it. My mom and I have both offered to host numerous times and SIL always whines about how inconvenient that would be for her parents, so we give in. Rinse and repeat for Christmas and Easter. Every year, we get invited to spend those holidays with neighbors and close friends and I expect we'll take them up on it sooner or later.

There is nothing wrong with your brother hosting yearly. But you shouldn't go yearly. You should spend every other year with your family, every other year with your DH's family. What other people do shouldn't impact your own plans. Host your own and invite your parents.

PP here. We actually spent last year with just DH's family for Christmas and it was great! Normally we are expected to go to my brother's house in the morning and then rush to be with my husband's family. This was a nightmare and DH put his foot down about it last year and I agreed. My brother's wife was not happy last year and made a fuss, but whatever. My MIL is severely disabled and can't travel much, so having all of DH's family to our house is unfortunately out of the question, but we all went to DH's sister's house (within a mile of MIL/FIL's home and also accessible for her wheelchair). I haven't told my family about our plans for this year yet. In terms of hosting our own Thanksgiving or Easter, there is no way my parents would ever come to my house over my brother's, but I'm sorely tempted to host my own anyway and just invite friends and neighbors and anyone else who wants to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and his wife host every single year, because they insist on it. It's a pain for us because we're the only ones with young children and it's not far enough to warrant a hotel stay but the trip makes for a very long day. SIL also invites her parents, who aren't particularly nice people (vaguely racist and not-so-vaguely misogynistic). My parents come too and I don't think they really enjoy it. My mom and I have both offered to host numerous times and SIL always whines about how inconvenient that would be for her parents, so we give in. Rinse and repeat for Christmas and Easter. Every year, we get invited to spend those holidays with neighbors and close friends and I expect we'll take them up on it sooner or later.

Doormats get what they deserve. It takes courage to put your foot down and change what has now become "tradition", but at least you get to do what you like.