S/O insisting on hosting Thanksgiving etc

[Anonymous]

I'm curious about these families. What would happen if you called dibs on hosting next year?

I feel like our family has the opposite problem. Hosting is a hot potato; no one wants to do it.

[Anonymous]

I host every other year. So every other year I travel to my inlaws and then every other year I host. When I host, no one from inlaws family shows up. My parents come though and enjoy not being alone on the holiday. When I go to my inlaws, they spend the holiday by themselves as I'm an only child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I host every other year. So every other year I travel to my inlaws and then every other year I host. When I host, no one from inlaws family shows up. My parents come though and enjoy not being alone on the holiday. When I go to my inlaws, they spend the holiday by themselves as I'm an only child.

Oh and everyone is dying to host a Thanksgiving. It's not a hot potato at all. I just have to work the Friday after Thanksgiving, so I can't travel to my parent's home ever.

[Anonymous]

My parents alway host Thanksgiving and Christmas but we are only there every other year as we rotate with my IL's. My DH and I both have a couple of siblings who do the same thing. We do try to be all together every other Christmas but it gets complicated. When none of us can make it to my parents on Thanksgiving I know they are disappointed but they have plenty of friends and they join them. One of us is always with them on Christmas.

[Anonymous]

I host at my home every year b/c no one else on my side of the family wants to do it or has the space to do it. Plus DH loves making pies and he loves my cooking of this meal best. Our problem is that his side of the family has been going to his aunt's for years, and we get shit every year for not going to that. It's as if my family doesn't exist. This party is a fucking melee - 50+ people with a ton of screaming kids running around, and it's potluck, and half the food is shit. So sorry Charlie, we are never going. We see you people are 4,576,891 other huge Catholic family gatherings throughout the year. Deal with it.

We have a lovely day of cooking and parade and football watching and it's the first day of Christmas music in our house. It's just 10 of us and after we eat we play games. We end the day overfull and happy and watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles. It's perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I host every other year. So every other year I travel to my inlaws and then every other year I host. When I host, no one from inlaws family shows up. My parents come though and enjoy not being alone on the holiday. When I go to my inlaws, they spend the holiday by themselves as I'm an only child.

PP above and it would be the same here. My family would have nowhere to go. Luckily DH could give two shits if we go to his side, so it works out perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I host every other year. So every other year I travel to my inlaws and then every other year I host. When I host, no one from inlaws family shows up. My parents come though and enjoy not being alone on the holiday. When I go to my inlaws, they spend the holiday by themselves as I'm an only child.

PP above and it would be the same here. My family would have nowhere to go. Luckily DH could give two shits if we go to his side, so it works out perfectly.

Oh wow. So you never go to his family's for Thanksgiving? That doesn't seem that fair. My parents spend half of their holidays alone, which is pretty sad but I can't never see my inlaws on holidays. This year they're alone on Christmas but not Thanksgiving.

When I host both parents attend my celebration, but when inlaws host, they don't invite my parents. It's a bone of contention with my parents that inlaws attend "their" Christmases, but don't invite them when it's not their year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I host at my home every year b/c no one else on my side of the family wants to do it or has the space to do it. Plus DH loves making pies and he loves my cooking of this meal best. Our problem is that his side of the family has been going to his aunt's for years, and we get shit every year for not going to that. It's as if my family doesn't exist. This party is a fucking melee - 50+ people with a ton of screaming kids running around, and it's potluck, and half the food is shit. So sorry Charlie, we are never going. We see you people are 4,576,891 other huge Catholic family gatherings throughout the year. Deal with it.

We have a lovely day of cooking and parade and football watching and it's the first day of Christmas music in our house. It's just 10 of us and after we eat we play games. We end the day overfull and happy and watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles. It's perfect.

You sound like you are very difficult and mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I host at my home every year b/c no one else on my side of the family wants to do it or has the space to do it. Plus DH loves making pies and he loves my cooking of this meal best. Our problem is that his side of the family has been going to his aunt's for years, and we get shit every year for not going to that. It's as if my family doesn't exist. This party is a fucking melee - 50+ people with a ton of screaming kids running around, and it's potluck, and half the food is shit. So sorry Charlie, we are never going. We see you people are 4,576,891 other huge Catholic family gatherings throughout the year. Deal with it.

We have a lovely day of cooking and parade and football watching and it's the first day of Christmas music in our house. It's just 10 of us and after we eat we play games. We end the day overfull and happy and watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles. It's perfect.

You sound like you are very difficult and mean.

+1. You should rotate. It's not being a good DIL by never attending their Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I host every other year. So every other year I travel to my inlaws and then every other year I host. When I host, no one from inlaws family shows up. My parents come though and enjoy not being alone on the holiday. When I go to my inlaws, they spend the holiday by themselves as I'm an only child.

PP above and it would be the same here. My family would have nowhere to go. Luckily DH could give two shits if we go to his side, so it works out perfectly.

Oh wow. So you never go to his family's for Thanksgiving? That doesn't seem that fair. My parents spend half of their holidays alone, which is pretty sad but I can't never see my inlaws on holidays. This year they're alone on Christmas but not Thanksgiving.

When I host both parents attend my celebration, but when inlaws host, they don't invite my parents. It's a bone of contention with my parents that inlaws attend "their" Christmases, but don't invite them when it's not their year.

NP but we rotated before we had kids. Now, with kids Christmas and Thanksgiving are at our house and everyone who wants to come is invited. Neither DH and I could handle the guilt tripping from both sides. Once we did that, it became clear that it wasn't about having the family all together, it was about having them all at IL's house (which isn't even a childhood home or anything -- not even in the same state). Plus, now we don't have to deal with SIL during the holidays any more. She always had some sort of blowup that ruined the family peace for Christmas. EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

DH says every year how much he LOVES having a nice peaceful, festive holiday at home! Apparently SIL ruined all their holidays when he was young, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I host every other year. So every other year I travel to my inlaws and then every other year I host. When I host, no one from inlaws family shows up. My parents come though and enjoy not being alone on the holiday. When I go to my inlaws, they spend the holiday by themselves as I'm an only child.

PP above and it would be the same here. My family would have nowhere to go. Luckily DH could give two shits if we go to his side, so it works out perfectly.

Oh wow. So you never go to his family's for Thanksgiving? That doesn't seem that fair. My parents spend half of their holidays alone, which is pretty sad but I can't never see my inlaws on holidays. This year they're alone on Christmas but not Thanksgiving.

When I host both parents attend my celebration, but when inlaws host, they don't invite my parents. It's a bone of contention with my parents that inlaws attend "their" Christmases, but don't invite them when it's not their year.

No, because his parents don't host. If they did, we would trade off. I'm not going to a huge house party with 50+ people and a bunch of shitty potluck food. Sorry. His parents and siblings are invited to our house every year for all or part of the day (i.e. stop by later for pie). They choose the melee. Whatevs.

His parents have 7000 family members and friends. Mine don't. At Christmas it's a fucking nightmare every year b/c his parents INSIST on having everyone together on Christmas Day instead of trading off. My older sister works retail and can't do Christmas Eve. So b/c of their insistence we have essentially three Christmases on Christmas Day every year - our own nuclear family in the early AM, his family and my family (trading off between brunch/early afternoon and evening). They have their traditions and won't give an inch. So DH and I have insisted on our own. I think that's fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents alway host Thanksgiving and Christmas but we are only there every other year as we rotate with my IL's. My DH and I both have a couple of siblings who do the same thing. We do try to be all together every other Christmas but it gets complicated. When none of us can make it to my parents on Thanksgiving I know they are disappointed but they have plenty of friends and they join them. One of us is always with them on Christmas.

This is us too. Both my parents (divorced) will generally host whoever is around between me and my two siblings, and each of their 2 step-kids. It's a LOT of rotating schedules of siblings, step siblings, married-in family/in laws, etc. What helps is they don't get too riled up about things. I don't think I've seen my Dad on Thanksgiving in several years. It's ok, I see him other times because we live close to each other. My MIL acts like us spending a holiday entirely with my family is an act of aggression. It's irritating, but I try not to let her temper tantrums sway the fairness of how we rotate things around between families, because we have a good system going and we get to see everyone at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I host at my home every year b/c no one else on my side of the family wants to do it or has the space to do it. Plus DH loves making pies and he loves my cooking of this meal best. Our problem is that his side of the family has been going to his aunt's for years, and we get shit every year for not going to that. It's as if my family doesn't exist. This party is a fucking melee - 50+ people with a ton of screaming kids running around, and it's potluck, and half the food is shit. So sorry Charlie, we are never going. We see you people are 4,576,891 other huge Catholic family gatherings throughout the year. Deal with it.

We have a lovely day of cooking and parade and football watching and it's the first day of Christmas music in our house. It's just 10 of us and after we eat we play games. We end the day overfull and happy and watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles. It's perfect.

You sound like you are very difficult and mean.

Well, you don't know me or the whole situation, so. . .there's that. DH and I are in total agreement on this plan. So it works for us. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I host every other year. So every other year I travel to my inlaws and then every other year I host. When I host, no one from inlaws family shows up. My parents come though and enjoy not being alone on the holiday. When I go to my inlaws, they spend the holiday by themselves as I'm an only child.

PP above and it would be the same here. My family would have nowhere to go. Luckily DH could give two shits if we go to his side, so it works out perfectly.

Oh wow. So you never go to his family's for Thanksgiving? That doesn't seem that fair. My parents spend half of their holidays alone, which is pretty sad but I can't never see my inlaws on holidays. This year they're alone on Christmas but not Thanksgiving.

When I host both parents attend my celebration, but when inlaws host, they don't invite my parents. It's a bone of contention with my parents that inlaws attend "their" Christmases, but don't invite them when it's not their year.

NP but we rotated before we had kids. Now, with kids Christmas and Thanksgiving are at our house and everyone who wants to come is invited. Neither DH and I could handle the guilt tripping from both sides. Once we did that, it became clear that it wasn't about having the family all together, it was about having them all at IL's house (which isn't even a childhood home or anything -- not even in the same state). Plus, now we don't have to deal with SIL during the holidays any more. She always had some sort of blowup that ruined the family peace for Christmas. EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

DH says every year how much he LOVES having a nice peaceful, festive holiday at home! Apparently SIL ruined all their holidays when he was young, too.

I dream of this. Probably won't happen for another ~10 years, though. One day!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents alway host Thanksgiving and Christmas but we are only there every other year as we rotate with my IL's. My DH and I both have a couple of siblings who do the same thing. We do try to be all together every other Christmas but it gets complicated. When none of us can make it to my parents on Thanksgiving I know they are disappointed but they have plenty of friends and they join them. One of us is always with them on Christmas.

This is us too. Both my parents (divorced) will generally host whoever is around between me and my two siblings, and each of their 2 step-kids. It's a LOT of rotating schedules of siblings, step siblings, married-in family/in laws, etc. What helps is they don't get too riled up about things. I don't think I've seen my Dad on Thanksgiving in several years. It's ok, I see him other times because we live close to each other. My MIL acts like us spending a holiday entirely with my family is an act of aggression. It's irritating, but I try not to let her temper tantrums sway the fairness of how we rotate things around between families, because we have a good system going and we get to see everyone at some point.

For me, it's about this. We see DH's family for a ton of holidays and birthdays and family parties. Carving out one holiday on our own terms seems more than fair.