putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job

[Anonymous]

Please share your great jobs that value work product over FaceTime and allow telework and solid salaries. What is this enlightened field.

[Anonymous]

Op how much does your DH make?

I am in a similar boat but make less than you ($65,000) and DH makes about $280K. I am definitely the default parent and my career takes a back seat to his. But we knew that going in. I am about a decade younger than you as well not that that makes much of a difference. I definitely don't want to or feel like I can stop working. My health insurance is just too good to give up but I don't feel like I will ever have a high power or very influential job. Which is ok by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works a typical DC "big job". Long unpredictable hours, travel, influence (in his realm of work anyway), interesting work.
I 100% telecommute in a somewhat mind-numbing job but it pays well ($100K) because I only work about 5 hours a day. I'm paid for 40 but I'm efficient and I'm not closely supervised at all.
Our family couldn't handle me working much more than this because we have 3 elementary aged kids and I'm the default parent for everything.
However, I'm now 42. On one hand I'd like to ride this job into the sunset. I get about a $5K raise each year. Give me 10 years and I'll be making $150K for very short work days.
However, I'm realizing more and more that I've sacrificed my own professional growth because I've balanced out my husband's career (and long hours) for years. Without me treading water in this position, we'd
never be able to have him work as he does and still have a functional marriage and family.
If you're also in this position, can you share your thoughts? It's been weighing on my mind.

Careful, your coworkers are plotting against you b/c they know you are committed time fraud with your company.

I don't see it as time fraud. OP is paid to do x amount of work. It would take some people 40 hours to get it done, some people 50, and others like her 25 hours. Why should she get paid less to do the same amount of work? Should she become less efficient in order to fill up the extra hours? If the level and amount of work is worth 100k, then it's worth 100k no matter how many hours a week she puts in and gets it done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You work 5 hours a day and are paid for it. Stop whining am trying to compete with your husband. Use the other 5 hours to start a business - there you go money and flexibility.

Yup, paid more than 2x as much as half of the entire *families* in the country for only a fraction of the hours, yet greedy because her ego isn't satisfied by the thought of DH making more. As Mr. President would say...

SAD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works a typical DC "big job". Long unpredictable hours, travel, influence (in his realm of work anyway), interesting work.
I 100% telecommute in a somewhat mind-numbing job but it pays well ($100K) because I only work about 5 hours a day. I'm paid for 40 but I'm efficient and I'm not closely supervised at all.
Our family couldn't handle me working much more than this because we have 3 elementary aged kids and I'm the default parent for everything.
However, I'm now 42. On one hand I'd like to ride this job into the sunset. I get about a $5K raise each year. Give me 10 years and I'll be making $150K for very short work days.
However, I'm realizing more and more that I've sacrificed my own professional growth because I've balanced out my husband's career (and long hours) for years. Without me treading water in this position, we'd
never be able to have him work as he does and still have a functional marriage and family.
If you're also in this position, can you share your thoughts? It's been weighing on my mind.

Careful, your coworkers are plotting against you b/c they know you are committed time fraud with your company.

I don't see it as time fraud. OP is paid to do x amount of work. It would take some people 40 hours to get it done, some people 50, and others like her 25 hours. Why should she get paid less to do the same amount of work? Should she become less efficient in order to fill up the extra hours? If the level and amount of work is worth 100k, then it's worth 100k no matter how many hours a week she puts in and gets it done.

If she is a contract employee paid for the project then yes, that makes sense. But she herself said it was a standard 40 hour job which is generally paid by the hour. If she made arrangements with her employer she would have said it was a part time job, but then she couldn't complain about her career as much b/c making over $100k for part time work is a very sweet gig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband works a typical DC "big job". Long unpredictable hours, travel, influence (in his realm of work anyway), interesting work.
I 100% telecommute in a somewhat mind-numbing job but it pays well ($100K) because I only work about 5 hours a day. I'm paid for 40 but I'm efficient and I'm not closely supervised at all.
Our family couldn't handle me working much more than this because we have 3 elementary aged kids and I'm the default parent for everything.
However, I'm now 42. On one hand I'd like to ride this job into the sunset. I get about a $5K raise each year. Give me 10 years and I'll be making $150K for very short work days.
However, I'm realizing more and more that I've sacrificed my own professional growth because I've balanced out my husband's career (and long hours) for years. Without me treading water in this position, we'd
never be able to have him work as he does and still have a functional marriage and family.
If you're also in this position, can you share your thoughts? It's been weighing on my mind.

Paid for 40 and mentions she is basically fooling her supervisors. Not fraud at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a divorce lawyer, if I can offer you advice, it is to get something down on paper acknowledging your contributions to your husband's career and your entitlement to half of his earnings. Even just a one-pager, signed by both of you, that states that (1) the consideration is maintaining a flexible job and passing up promotions in order to facilitate your family life and enable your husband to devote himself fully to his career and meet his job requirements, and (2) you are entitled to half of his earnings, pension, any other income for 15-20 years after a divorce.

You are the exact kind of woman ends up living in poverty in old age after a divorce. Current divorce laws will not compensate you for the loss and earnings and retirement savings and career development, so you are a sitting duck if your husband ever leaves.

True but her salary will be used against her. She makes a good living and I doubt she could get much except half of his retirement. I would have her max out retirement and look for a better paying job.

[Anonymous]

Retirement savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this constantly. Sometimes it's ok and I think I can just coast for years. Good money, little demands...what could be better?

Other times I really regret the loss of my career, being respected, traveling to fun places, advancing, growing, learning.

I'm deep in the other time right now. I usually just ride it out but it's getting harder and harder.

+1

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding me?? OP, you have the dream set-up! Stop spending time here on DCUM and find something you enjoy doing in your spare time! The idea that fulfillment can reliably be found in career and the workplace should be promptly dismissed. Enjoy your children. You'll look back on this time and wish you had even more time to be present and engaged with your kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am in your exact same position as well. I telecommute 100%, have little oversight from the home office, and while some times I do work a solid 8+ hour day, it is usually around 3-5 hours. I earn $250k/yr though, which I KNOW is super lucky but I've worked hard and earned this. My DH is earning about $750k/yr.

There are times when I see others in my field that are not mommy-tracked like me and I get so jealous. Part of me really wants to be the "head of" or "running" something or possibly earning more. I am not where I should be at my level on earnings.

But, then I remember that I really do have the best of both worlds. I get to pick the kids up after school and spend quality time with them. I get to attend all the after-school activities with the SAHs but I also get to hang with the WOHs when I want to as well.

And while DH certainly contributes more to our lifestyle than I do, I love having my own money, my own retirement and investments. It makes me feel like I have a material result of my hard work.

We should have lunch sometime!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in your exact same position as well. I telecommute 100%, have little oversight from the home office, and while some times I do work a solid 8+ hour day, it is usually around 3-5 hours. I earn $250k/yr though, which I KNOW is super lucky but I've worked hard and earned this. My DH is earning about $750k/yr.

There are times when I see others in my field that are not mommy-tracked like me and I get so jealous. Part of me really wants to be the "head of" or "running" something or possibly earning more. I am not where I should be at my level on earnings.

But, then I remember that I really do have the best of both worlds. I get to pick the kids up after school and spend quality time with them. I get to attend all the after-school activities with the SAHs but I also get to hang with the WOHs when I want to as well.

And while DH certainly contributes more to our lifestyle than I do, I love having my own money, my own retirement and investments. It makes me feel like I have a material result of my hard work.

We should have lunch sometime!

I feel so sorry for you that you earn 1 million dollars a year! That must be so tough. Maybe there is s support group that could help you to accolade $ for nanny, house cleaners, meal prep, organizational support. Maybe a personal assistant?

[Anonymous]

$100k-$250k telework jobs 5 hrs a day? What do you do!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in your exact same position as well. I telecommute 100%, have little oversight from the home office, and while some times I do work a solid 8+ hour day, it is usually around 3-5 hours. I earn $250k/yr though, which I KNOW is super lucky but I've worked hard and earned this. My DH is earning about $750k/yr.

There are times when I see others in my field that are not mommy-tracked like me and I get so jealous. Part of me really wants to be the "head of" or "running" something or possibly earning more. I am not where I should be at my level on earnings.

But, then I remember that I really do have the best of both worlds. I get to pick the kids up after school and spend quality time with them. I get to attend all the after-school activities with the SAHs but I also get to hang with the WOHs when I want to as well.

And while DH certainly contributes more to our lifestyle than I do, I love having my own money, my own retirement and investments. It makes me feel like I have a material result of my hard work.

We should have lunch sometime!

I feel so sorry for you that you earn 1 million dollars a year! That must be so tough. Maybe there is s support group that could help you to accolade $ for nanny, house cleaners, meal prep, organizational support. Maybe a personal assistant?

Mommy-tracked at $250K a year! The shame!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in your exact same position as well. I telecommute 100%, have little oversight from the home office, and while some times I do work a solid 8+ hour day, it is usually around 3-5 hours. I earn $250k/yr though, which I KNOW is super lucky but I've worked hard and earned this. My DH is earning about $750k/yr.

There are times when I see others in my field that are not mommy-tracked like me and I get so jealous. Part of me really wants to be the "head of" or "running" something or possibly earning more. I am not where I should be at my level on earnings.

But, then I remember that I really do have the best of both worlds. I get to pick the kids up after school and spend quality time with them. I get to attend all the after-school activities with the SAHs but I also get to hang with the WOHs when I want to as well.

And while DH certainly contributes more to our lifestyle than I do, I love having my own money, my own retirement and investments. It makes me feel like I have a material result of my hard work.

We should have lunch sometime!

I feel so sorry for you that you earn 1 million dollars a year! That must be so tough. Maybe there is s support group that could help you to accolade $ for nanny, house cleaners, meal prep, organizational support. Maybe a personal assistant?

Ok, you win life.

$250K mommy-tracked 3 hours a day from home job.