His mom always comes before me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was she a single mom? I feel like sons with single moms seem to have a much stronger attachment.

But no, this won't change.

This was the case with my friend and her soon STBX. Mother was divorced decades ago, yet still playing the victim card. It was tough to watch.

Disliked the attn friend was getting from her son, disliked her relationship with STBX's father and wife....she was close with them. Excluded her from family events, bad mouthed her to other siblings, ignored her, while maintaining relationship with son. Son just played stupid.

Finally he left her (!) at his mother's bequest because she was complaining about his mother too much. He refused to deal with it, called her oversensitive, over reactive, etc. Marriage counselor called mom "toxic." Husband just did not get the message, never considered her as his family, just his family as his family. After a while, he was dismissive and
abusive to her as well.

I say...good riddance, but MIL now thinks she "won." Look what the prize was, though. He lost a beautiful woman who loved him....oh, and most of his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wait, this guy is all about his Mom. Still love him, tho!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was she a single mom? I feel like sons with single moms seem to have a much stronger attachment.

But no, this won't change.

Parents divorced when he was 2, mom got remarried when he was 6 then divorced when he was 12. Single ever since.

Yup...RUN...she is a lifetime victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can change with a lot of couples' counseling (think once a week for years). I've been there. Married for 8 years now and boundaries are up and his relationship with his mother is as healthy as it will ever get.

Counseling will end up being for YOU...how to cope with it. It will not be for him...if you think it will change his behavior. It will not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can change with a lot of couples' counseling (think once a week for years). I've been there. Married for 8 years now and boundaries are up and his relationship with his mother is as healthy as it will ever get.

I should clarify that there are no kids in the picture (and will never be - not because of this issue though). I can imagine that would create more friction for sure.

She will have problems with you for not having kids. Be forewarned...I've seen this too many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can change with a lot of couples' counseling (think once a week for years). I've been there. Married for 8 years now and boundaries are up and his relationship with his mother is as healthy as it will ever get.

I think it wouldn't hurt to see a family counselor. He probably isn't aware of how much he needs to adjust things. If he's loyal, loving, and close to his mother, he can be that way with you, once he sees that the umbilical cord can stretch enough to allow room for you to step in as his primary partner. If his mom is emotionally healthy, she should be encouraging this.

Yeah, NOT. counseling will be for wife.

[Anonymous]

A good son.

[Anonymous]

I have a question: why the f*** are you with a man who makes is mom come before he makes you come?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run.

Get out now. And do him a favor - tell him why so he can fix it and find himself a wife down the road.

[Anonymous]

Another NP saying that it will just get worse. A lot worse.

I'd cancel the wedding. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

How's the sex?

[Anonymous]

He needs to cut the apron strings, but is obviously unwilling to do so.

Sounds like a typical Mama's boy.

If you end up marrying this man, you likely will be marrying his Mother as well.
And always being resentful of the pedestal he will keep her on.

Address this issue head-on right now.
He needs to stop putting her before you.

If he refuses to change his ways, then I encourage you to look for a man who will definitely put you #1 for the rest of your life together.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, I have learned to nurture my DH's relationship with his mom. Once I gave in and even started suggesting lunch dates and weekend yard work trips to her home she relaxed and quit bugging DH. I hope my kids help me out in the future. MIL can be difficult but I just shine her on. She can say anything bad about me because I let her know that DH is there solely because I arranged it. She still resents me but she kepps her mouth shut,.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, I have learned to nurture my DH's relationship with his mom. Once I gave in and even started suggesting lunch dates and weekend yard work trips to her home she relaxed and quit bugging DH. I hope my kids help me out in the future. MIL can be difficult but I just shine her on. She can say anything bad about me because I let her know that DH is there solely because I arranged it. She still resents me but she kepps her mouth shut,.

Obviously, no one else in this thread has that aspiration. Sad.