Mean Girl Situation

[Anonymous]

Janney is responsive - but you need to check in with your child and make sure they are being supported. Every child and situation is different.

They have a new counselor who may or may not know how things really work.

If you want to "try things out" get on a Janney soccer team and meet some classmates.

We moved from a smaller school to Janney and the larger school is better for my child WRT "mean girls". Old school had a queen bee who told people who could sit with whom.

Don't get me wrong - there are cliques / groups of friends. But there many kids there are opportunities to find a place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?

Not the previous poster, but are the parents supposed to follow her around at school all day making her be nice?

Most parents of misbehaving kids are unhappy with their kids' behavior but can't figure out how to stop it. Kids are different, and figuring out which method works with a particular kid can be tricky. (It took me until my kid was almost done with 3rd grade to realize that telling her she was running out of time to get her homework done made her get anxious and work more slowly. She needs to hear she's doing great and has plenty of time. We had three years of crying and missed bedtimes before I caught on to that.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Janney is responsive - but you need to check in with your child and make sure they are being supported. Every child and situation is different.

They have a new counselor who may or may not know how things really work.

If you want to "try things out" get on a Janney soccer team and meet some classmates.

We moved from a smaller school to Janney and the larger school is better for my child WRT "mean girls". Old school had a queen bee who told people who could sit with whom.

Don't get me wrong - there are cliques / groups of friends. But there many kids there are opportunities to find a place.

The "join the soccer team" solution isn't for everyone. By 5th grade some children are the size of adults. The children who are still the size of children aren't competitive, and can't necessarily count on their teammates to be defenders and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?

Not the previous poster, but are the parents supposed to follow her around at school all day making her be nice?

Most parents of misbehaving kids are unhappy with their kids' behavior but can't figure out how to stop it. Kids are different, and figuring out which method works with a particular kid can be tricky. (It took me until my kid was almost done with 3rd grade to realize that telling her she was running out of time to get her homework done made her get anxious and work more slowly. She needs to hear she's doing great and has plenty of time. We had three years of crying and missed bedtimes before I caught on to that.)

The point is children hear how their mothers talk about other women. It has been my experience that the mean girls usually have mothers who are mean girls. They're the moms who say, "you don't have to like everyone. Those kids need to get over it!" Whereas I tell my kids when at school or at camp, you need to include everyone who wants to play period! You may not like them but you need to include them because being the child left out is horrible!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?

Not the previous poster, but are the parents supposed to follow her around at school all day making her be nice?

Most parents of misbehaving kids are unhappy with their kids' behavior but can't figure out how to stop it. Kids are different, and figuring out which method works with a particular kid can be tricky. (It took me until my kid was almost done with 3rd grade to realize that telling her she was running out of time to get her homework done made her get anxious and work more slowly. She needs to hear she's doing great and has plenty of time. We had three years of crying and missed bedtimes before I caught on to that.)

The point is children hear how their mothers talk about other women. It has been my experience that the mean girls usually have mothers who are mean girls. They're the moms who say, "you don't have to like everyone. Those kids need to get over it!" Whereas I tell my kids when at school or at camp, you need to include everyone who wants to play period! You may not like them but you need to include them because being the child left out is horrible!"

No offense, but what exactly is the nature of your experience? What you've heard at tennis or dance or the pool? It doesn't sound like, for example, interviews you've conducted at the pediatrician's office.


IOW, your opinion is your own and valid in that context, but you don't sound like an expert. Just someone with an anonymous opinion on the internet, whether or not you're typing in your pyjamas in your mother's basement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?

Not the previous poster, but are the parents supposed to follow her around at school all day making her be nice?

Most parents of misbehaving kids are unhappy with their kids' behavior but can't figure out how to stop it. Kids are different, and figuring out which method works with a particular kid can be tricky. (It took me until my kid was almost done with 3rd grade to realize that telling her she was running out of time to get her homework done made her get anxious and work more slowly. She needs to hear she's doing great and has plenty of time. We had three years of crying and missed bedtimes before I caught on to that.)

The point is children hear how their mothers talk about other women. It has been my experience that the mean girls usually have mothers who are mean girls. They're the moms who say, "you don't have to like everyone. Those kids need to get over it!" Whereas I tell my kids when at school or at camp, you need to include everyone who wants to play period! You may not like them but you need to include them because being the child left out is horrible!"

No offense, but what exactly is the nature of your experience? What you've heard at tennis or dance or the pool? It doesn't sound like, for example, interviews you've conducted at the pediatrician's office.


IOW, your opinion is your own and valid in that context, but you don't sound like an expert. Just someone with an anonymous opinion on the internet, whether or not you're typing in your pyjamas in your mother's basement.

NP. What's your point? Isn't that what we all do here, talk about our experience? Almost nobody here is an expert on the issues they discuss. You sound like a mean girl being defensive or looking for a fight.

[Anonymous]

My classmates and I excluded a girl in the first or second grade. That particular girl would be accepted in a group, but within a week or two will alienate everyone, move to the next group, same would happen. Her mom would interfere which would make it only worse. The girl was not nice, was offended at every little thing (will complain about it) and her mom was a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?

Not the previous poster, but are the parents supposed to follow her around at school all day making her be nice?

Most parents of misbehaving kids are unhappy with their kids' behavior but can't figure out how to stop it. Kids are different, and figuring out which method works with a particular kid can be tricky. (It took me until my kid was almost done with 3rd grade to realize that telling her she was running out of time to get her homework done made her get anxious and work more slowly. She needs to hear she's doing great and has plenty of time. We had three years of crying and missed bedtimes before I caught on to that.)

The point is children hear how their mothers talk about other women. It has been my experience that the mean girls usually have mothers who are mean girls. They're the moms who say, "you don't have to like everyone. Those kids need to get over it!" Whereas I tell my kids when at school or at camp, you need to include everyone who wants to play period! You may not like them but you need to include them because being the child left out is horrible!"

I totally agree, based on my own experience having heard some of the worst gossipy insecure mothers and seeing their 3rd, 4th, 5th grade daughters (during the school day) using the same mannerisms and language, excluding other kids, etc. I have voluntarily removed myself from the social scene at school and have consistently messaged to my daughter to just not care what others think about her. For now it seems to be working and she is happily independent and outside social cliques. Maybe it is hard wired, I was the same way as my daughter when I was a kid but maybe I was modeling my mother. I do believe that conversation overheard in social situations impact and shape personalities, insecurities, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had an issue several years ago, and it was hard convincing the class teacher that there was a problem (the "mean girl" apparently acted like an angel when adults were around). The girls who were affected did get support from the school psychologist and eventually from the class teacher, but only after several parents complained.

My DD had a similar experience. The mean girls know very well when they can be mean. Anyway, they are everywhere. Yes, when you have more friends they are less effective. But you are not mean girls proof anywhere. It's better to teach your DC how to deal with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the mean girl dynamics at your DCPS elementary school? Specifically grades 3, 4, and 5. Thinking of making the move to public for larger classes and more options for friends. (Smaller isn't always better!)

Mean does not equal bullying. Bullying has a clear definition. Kids can be mean all day and it can not be bullying. Schools will not have a "mean-ness" policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?

Not the previous poster, but are the parents supposed to follow her around at school all day making her be nice?

Most parents of misbehaving kids are unhappy with their kids' behavior but can't figure out how to stop it. Kids are different, and figuring out which method works with a particular kid can be tricky. (It took me until my kid was almost done with 3rd grade to realize that telling her she was running out of time to get her homework done made her get anxious and work more slowly. She needs to hear she's doing great and has plenty of time. We had three years of crying and missed bedtimes before I caught on to that.)

The point is children hear how their mothers talk about other women. It has been my experience that the mean girls usually have mothers who are mean girls. They're the moms who say, "you don't have to like everyone. Those kids need to get over it!" Whereas I tell my kids when at school or at camp, you need to include everyone who wants to play period! You may not like them but you need to include them because being the child left out is horrible!"

No offense, but what exactly is the nature of your experience? What you've heard at tennis or dance or the pool? It doesn't sound like, for example, interviews you've conducted at the pediatrician's office.


IOW, your opinion is your own and valid in that context, but you don't sound like an expert. Just someone with an anonymous opinion on the internet, whether or not you're typing in your pyjamas in your mother's basement.

Yes, it has been personal opinion. I thought by stating IT"S BEEN MY EXPERIENCE clearly states it is personal also the lack of citation to a scholarly article might also clue in most people. My DD identified the mean girls and since I know the moms, it is crystal clear from where the behavior is coming. Sorry, what's your axe to grind lady?! Hitting too close to home?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the mean girl dynamics at your DCPS elementary school? Specifically grades 3, 4, and 5. Thinking of making the move to public for larger classes and more options for friends. (Smaller isn't always better!)

Mean does not equal bullying. Bullying has a clear definition. Kids can be mean all day and it can not be bullying. Schools will not have a "mean-ness" policy.

Thank you, Mr. Webster for contributing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Janney is responsive - but you need to check in with your child and make sure they are being supported. Every child and situation is different.

They have a new counselor who may or may not know how things really work.

If you want to "try things out" get on a Janney soccer team and meet some classmates.

We moved from a smaller school to Janney and the larger school is better for my child WRT "mean girls". Old school had a queen bee who told people who could sit with whom.

Don't get me wrong - there are cliques / groups of friends. But there many kids there are opportunities to find a place.

The "join the soccer team" solution isn't for everyone. By 5th grade some children are the size of adults. The children who are still the size of children aren't competitive, and can't necessarily count on their teammates to be defenders and friends.

My comment of joining the soccer team was misinterpreted. The intent was than - if you do not know anyone in the neighborhood, join Stoddert Soccer and asked to get placed on the Janney soccer team. It will give you the opportunity to meet neighborhood girls. I assume that the OPs DD is in 2nd or 3rd grade at a local private and socializes mostly with that friend group.