Mean Girl Situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?

Not the previous poster, but are the parents supposed to follow her around at school all day making her be nice?

Most parents of misbehaving kids are unhappy with their kids' behavior but can't figure out how to stop it. Kids are different, and figuring out which method works with a particular kid can be tricky. (It took me until my kid was almost done with 3rd grade to realize that telling her she was running out of time to get her homework done made her get anxious and work more slowly. She needs to hear she's doing great and has plenty of time. We had three years of crying and missed bedtimes before I caught on to that.)

The point is children hear how their mothers talk about other women. It has been my experience that the mean girls usually have mothers who are mean girls. They're the moms who say, "you don't have to like everyone. Those kids need to get over it!" Whereas I tell my kids when at school or at camp, you need to include everyone who wants to play period! You may not like them but you need to include them because being the child left out is horrible!"

No offense, but what exactly is the nature of your experience? What you've heard at tennis or dance or the pool? It doesn't sound like, for example, interviews you've conducted at the pediatrician's office.


IOW, your opinion is your own and valid in that context, but you don't sound like an expert. Just someone with an anonymous opinion on the internet, whether or not you're typing in your pyjamas in your mother's basement.

Yes, it has been personal opinion. I thought by stating IT"S BEEN MY EXPERIENCE clearly states it is personal also the lack of citation to a scholarly article might also clue in most people. My DD identified the mean girls and since I know the moms, it is crystal clear from where the behavior is coming. Sorry, what's your axe to grind lady?! Hitting too close to home?!

Pretty obvious that the answer to that question is yes.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I'm not looking forward to this. I also teach my kids to play with everyone.

[Anonymous]

DD in an older Janney grade - haven't seen/had any issues with mean girls or bullying. The Stoddert Rec teams are very non-competitive but the rosters may be full.

[Anonymous]

Bitches set real women back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD in an older Janney grade - haven't seen/had any issues with mean girls or bullying. The Stoddert Rec teams are very non-competitive but the rosters may be full.

Girl scouts? art class? lots of afterschool programming options to try? etc. The general idea is to socialize with girls in different ways - beyond some of the dynamics of recess etc. You can call it mean girls or bullying or just under the category of what schools now call "relational aggression" ... the issue is the kid feeling badly -- and the goal is to feel good about herself and have some friends. Also do talk to the teacher & counselor for ideas and strategies.

[Anonymous]

Is sad this is happening to kids in our area .I talk to this boy the other day at the bus stop and kids in Hardy are bullying him.taking stuff from him and no returned for weeks. I don't understand where is the principal and teacher when this is happened and if you take the bus with these kids the language that use is horrible . Is bad ous kids have to be exposed to this for the poor job the School does .Love to help any advice how I can call .My heart is sad to see this child sad for kids from others areas.
Best R.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is sad this is happening to kids in our area .I talk to this boy the other day at the bus stop and kids in Hardy are bullying him.taking stuff from him and no returned for weeks. I don't understand where is the principal and teacher when this is happened and if you take the bus with these kids the language that use is horrible . Is bad ous kids have to be exposed to this for the poor job the School does .Love to help any advice how I can call .My heart is sad to see this child sad for kids from others areas.
Best R.

Honestly, for Hardy, the new principal is making a commitment to addressing these types of issues. Contact him directly and/or the asst. principal (who also handles discipline).

Lucas Cooke, Principal, [e-mail]
Jaime Merlos, Assistant Principal, [e-mail]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mean girls" don't exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.

Not in my experience. One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior. Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?

Not the previous poster, but are the parents supposed to follow her around at school all day making her be nice?

Most parents of misbehaving kids are unhappy with their kids' behavior but can't figure out how to stop it. Kids are different, and figuring out which method works with a particular kid can be tricky. (It took me until my kid was almost done with 3rd grade to realize that telling her she was running out of time to get her homework done made her get anxious and work more slowly. She needs to hear she's doing great and has plenty of time. We had three years of crying and missed bedtimes before I caught on to that.)

The point is children hear how their mothers talk about other women. It has been my experience that the mean girls usually have mothers who are mean girls. They're the moms who say, "you don't have to like everyone. Those kids need to get over it!" Whereas I tell my kids when at school or at camp, you need to include everyone who wants to play period! You may not like them but you need to include them because being the child left out is horrible!"

No offense, but what exactly is the nature of your experience? What you've heard at tennis or dance or the pool? It doesn't sound like, for example, interviews you've conducted at the pediatrician's office.


IOW, your opinion is your own and valid in that context, but you don't sound like an expert. Just someone with an anonymous opinion on the internet, whether or not you're typing in your pyjamas in your mother's basement.

Yes, it has been personal opinion. I thought by stating IT"S BEEN MY EXPERIENCE clearly states it is personal also the lack of citation to a scholarly article might also clue in most people. My DD identified the mean girls and since I know the moms, it is crystal clear from where the behavior is coming. Sorry, what's your axe to grind lady?! Hitting too close to home?!

Pretty obvious that the answer to that question is yes.

Ha! I contributed to this thread. I'm sure that I'm not a "mean girl" - I was the quiet one in the first row.

I just can't help notice you spewing blame, but without anything to support what you say. No skin off my nose if you don't know how to footnote.

[Anonymous]

One thing to keep in mind: there's teasing and there's bullying. Learn the difference and know when to complain. OSSE has some very specific processes in place when a child is identified as a bully. If the school recognizes that a child is being bullied, they have to report it as bullying in their incident reports. This raises the threshold of what can be done for interventions.

My child was bullied unmercifully by a child in 3rd grade who had a whole posse (the child was very violent as well as using verbal taunts). The school was aware of it and this same kid and their posse bullied other kids. But, the school kept reporting the bullying incidents as disruptive behavior. Once I complained up the chain and cited the OSSE rules, they started reporting it as bullying. This gave my child a right to much more protection in the classroom and enabled the school and DCPS to target additional resources to the bully's family as well.

Sometimes schools don't realize that they have the ability to handle bullies in ways that end up with more direct intervention in the situation. In this case, the school felt like they kept reporting the violent behavior and nothing was done by DCPS headquarters, which actually is the one that has to intervene. Elevating the behavior as bullying really helped. Things are a lot better now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Janney is responsive - but you need to check in with your child and make sure they are being supported. Every child and situation is different.

They have a new counselor who may or may not know how things really work.

If you want to "try things out" get on a Janney soccer team and meet some classmates.

We moved from a smaller school to Janney and the larger school is better for my child WRT "mean girls". Old school had a queen bee who told people who could sit with whom.

Don't get me wrong - there are cliques / groups of friends. But there many kids there are opportunities to find a place.

The "join the soccer team" solution isn't for everyone. By 5th grade some children are the size of adults. The children who are still the size of children aren't competitive, and can't necessarily count on their teammates to be defenders and friends.

My comment of joining the soccer team was misinterpreted. The intent was than - if you do not know anyone in the neighborhood, join Stoddert Soccer and asked to get placed on the Janney soccer team. It will give you the opportunity to meet neighborhood girls. I assume that the OPs DD is in 2nd or 3rd grade at a local private and socializes mostly with that friend group.

I have 3 kids at Janney and have seen this done countless times by parents in the neighborhood who have kids who don't go to Janney. It never really works out (eventually the kids leaves the team) and I'm not sure why. I guess playing soccer for an hour a week doesn't make up for not going to school together for 30. And the Janney school social scene can be overwhelming to keep up with even when your kids go there.

[Anonymous]

The "mean girl" scene was facilitated by mom's at my daughters' school. A group of them invited the children of other Junior League moms to a variety of after school events and never included the other girls. It quickly turned into a mean girl scene. I removed my daughter from the school and moved her to a better one where parents weren't vicious social climbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Janney is responsive - but you need to check in with your child and make sure they are being supported. Every child and situation is different.

They have a new counselor who may or may not know how things really work.

If you want to "try things out" get on a Janney soccer team and meet some classmates.

We moved from a smaller school to Janney and the larger school is better for my child WRT "mean girls". Old school had a queen bee who told people who could sit with whom.

Don't get me wrong - there are cliques / groups of friends. But there many kids there are opportunities to find a place.

The "join the soccer team" solution isn't for everyone. By 5th grade some children are the size of adults. The children who are still the size of children aren't competitive, and can't necessarily count on their teammates to be defenders and friends.

I think I've mentioned this before but you have no idea who I am so I'll say it again on this topic. My kids don't go to Janney. I could not give less of a shit about Janney. But we play them every year in Stoddert soccer and the coaches and parents stand out as being particularly nice and friendly. Most teams we play are a blur you barely remember after, but the Janney coaches and parents say hi and are friendly every week.




My comment of joining the soccer team was misinterpreted. The intent was than - if you do not know anyone in the neighborhood, join Stoddert Soccer and asked to get placed on the Janney soccer team. It will give you the opportunity to meet neighborhood girls. I assume that the OPs DD is in 2nd or 3rd grade at a local private and socializes mostly with that friend group.

I have 3 kids at Janney and have seen this done countless times by parents in the neighborhood who have kids who don't go to Janney. It never really works out (eventually the kids leaves the team) and I'm not sure why. I guess playing soccer for an hour a week doesn't make up for not going to school together for 30. And the Janney school social scene can be overwhelming to keep up with even when your kids go there.