Reply to Mean Girl Situation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Mean girls" don't  exist in elementary school. That's just kids learning social skills. "Mean girls" is a middle school and high school thing.[/quote]

Wrong. There are definitely some girls that are just hard wired to be more aggressive and know how to use words to really hurt other girls. Starts in preschool. We need to call it our for what it is.[/quote]

I don't think it is "wiring" but rather a parenting problem. Some apples don't fall far from the tree. It's a learned behavior.[/quote]

Not in my experience.  One of the meanest little girls I know had wonderful parents who were appalled at her behavior.  Parents guide behavior, but a lot is hard wired.[/quote]

If the parents were appalled why did it continue?[/quote]

Not the previous poster, but are the parents supposed to follow her around at school all day making her be nice?

Most parents of misbehaving kids are unhappy with their kids' behavior but can't figure out how to stop it. Kids are different, and figuring out which method works with a particular kid can be tricky. (It took me until my kid was almost done with 3rd grade to realize that telling her she was running out of time to get her homework done made her get anxious and work more slowly. She needs to hear she's doing great and has plenty of time. We had three years of crying and missed bedtimes before I caught on to that.)[/quote]

The point is children hear how their mothers talk about other women. It has been my experience that the mean girls usually have mothers who are mean girls. They're the moms who say, "you don't have to like everyone. Those kids need to get over it!" Whereas I tell my kids when at school or at camp, you need to include everyone who wants to play period! You may not like them but you need to include them because being the child left out is horrible!"[/quote]

I totally agree, based on my own experience having heard some of the worst gossipy insecure mothers and seeing their 3rd, 4th, 5th grade daughters (during the school day) using the same mannerisms and language, excluding other kids, etc. I have voluntarily removed myself from the social scene at school and have consistently messaged to my daughter to just not care what others think about her. For now it seems to be working and she is happily independent and outside social cliques. Maybe it is hard wired, I was the same way as my daughter when I was a kid but maybe I was modeling my mother. I do believe that conversation overheard in social situations impact and shape personalities, insecurities, etc. [/quote]

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