Self-regulation and Senior Year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curfew? Always hated curfew and I don't see the point. I did plenty of drinking when I was fifteen/sixteen and got home by curfew. Only learned how to behave sober during those minutes when parents greet you coming home.

This was me, my folks were really strict, no boyfriend, home by 10 etc etc.. so I just got real good at hiding stuff, they had no clue where I was , only where I told them I was. By the time I got to college I was crazy. thankfully pulled it together before it was too late. My parents still have no clue my brother had to bail me out of jail for an underage drinking violation!

I do not want that for my kids, I want them to be able to experiment with becoming an adult as we all did but in a way that they always have a safe place to go and know they can come to me or their Dad. I am confident in the way the behave today, the relationship we have and what they talk to me about . They can have independence for senior year when they get there.

[Anonymous]

Nothing good happens driving after midnight for anyone of any age especially on high speed roads. We did not live close by the school and thus the party neighbourhoods. Although not a curfew we did ask that if he expected to be home after midnight, he either make arrangements to spend the night with friends or order a large Uber car. And requested that he let us know by 11:00 pm so that we wouldn't be waiting up. For those that argue that a kid will be totally on their own as college freshman, that is under very different circumstances. For the majority of colleges, freshman do not have cars and are roaming the party scene walking or via public transportation. I think the colleges do this deliberately so there is a transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing good happens driving after midnight for anyone of any age especially on high speed roads. We did not live close by the school and thus the party neighbourhoods. Although not a curfew we did ask that if he expected to be home after midnight, he either make arrangements to spend the night with friends or order a large Uber car. And requested that he let us know by 11:00 pm so that we wouldn't be waiting up. For those that argue that a kid will be totally on their own as college freshman, that is under very different circumstances. For the majority of colleges, freshman do not have cars and are roaming the party scene walking or via public transportation. I think the colleges do this deliberately so there is a transition.

Do you live in the DMV? My kid does not have a DL so is not driving, we live in DC and he takes the train or bus everywhere he goes. This is true for all of his friends too, even the ones who do have a DL. Their activities are around the city and they take public transportation. Some kids don't need a transition because this has always been their norm.

The bottom line, there is no one rule applies in this situation. Everyone has different circumstances and the choices I make for my family might not be the same as somebody elses and that's OK. We are all just doing what we think is best for our family.

[Anonymous]

eh, they can have freedom and get through their entire senior year without ever developing a drinking habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing good happens driving after midnight for anyone of any age especially on high speed roads. We did not live close by the school and thus the party neighbourhoods. Although not a curfew we did ask that if he expected to be home after midnight, he either make arrangements to spend the night with friends or order a large Uber car. And requested that he let us know by 11:00 pm so that we wouldn't be waiting up. For those that argue that a kid will be totally on their own as college freshman, that is under very different circumstances. For the majority of colleges, freshman do not have cars and are roaming the party scene walking or via public transportation. I think the colleges do this deliberately so there is a transition.

Do you live in the DMV? My kid does not have a DL so is not driving, we live in DC and he takes the train or bus everywhere he goes. This is true for all of his friends too, even the ones who do have a DL. Their activities are around the city and they take public transportation. Some kids don't need a transition because this has always been their norm.

The bottom line, there is no one rule applies in this situation. Everyone has different circumstances and the choices I make for my family might not be the same as somebody elses and that's OK. We are all just doing what we think is best for our family.

I don't get where your choice was criticized by my post. We do live in the DMV but in the suburbs so driving over highways in the middle of the night is a concern for us. BTW - one of the reasons my kid drives is because I feel safer with him doing so. There have been plenty of parties out in the burbs that the city kids also go to. There's no way for us to really know what they are doing. Sorry if you felt criticized though. That wasn't the intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing good happens driving after midnight for anyone of any age especially on high speed roads. We did not live close by the school and thus the party neighbourhoods. Although not a curfew we did ask that if he expected to be home after midnight, he either make arrangements to spend the night with friends or order a large Uber car. And requested that he let us know by 11:00 pm so that we wouldn't be waiting up. For those that argue that a kid will be totally on their own as college freshman, that is under very different circumstances. For the majority of colleges, freshman do not have cars and are roaming the party scene walking or via public transportation. I think the colleges do this deliberately so there is a transition.

Do you live in the DMV? My kid does not have a DL so is not driving, we live in DC and he takes the train or bus everywhere he goes. This is true for all of his friends too, even the ones who do have a DL. Their activities are around the city and they take public transportation. Some kids don't need a transition because this has always been their norm.

The bottom line, there is no one rule applies in this situation. Everyone has different circumstances and the choices I make for my family might not be the same as somebody elses and that's OK. We are all just doing what we think is best for our family.

I don't get where your choice was criticized by my post. We do live in the DMV but in the suburbs so driving over highways in the middle of the night is a concern for us. BTW - one of the reasons my kid drives is because I feel safer with him doing so. There have been plenty of parties out in the burbs that the city kids also go to. There's no way for us to really know what they are doing. Sorry if you felt criticized though. That wasn't the intent.

I don't feel criticized. I was just responding with my thought on your post. The 2nd paragraph was a more general response to the entire discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curfew? Always hated curfew and I don't see the point. I did plenty of drinking when I was fifteen/sixteen and got home by curfew. Only learned how to behave sober during those minutes when parents greet you coming home.

This was me, my folks were really strict, no boyfriend, home by 10 etc etc.. so I just got real good at hiding stuff, they had no clue where I was , only where I told them I was. By the time I got to college I was crazy. thankfully pulled it together before it was too late. My parents still have no clue my brother had to bail me out of jail for an underage drinking violation!

I do not want that for my kids, I want them to be able to experiment with becoming an adult as we all did but in a way that they always have a safe place to go and know they can come to me or their Dad. I am confident in the way the behave today, the relationship we have and what they talk to me about . They can have independence for senior year when they get there.

Curfew isn't about preventing drinking for us. We're AA, I'm not having my AA sons out at all hours even if just driving home from a friend's house 100% sober, I know and they know they won't get the benefit of doubt. Our oldest just starting a 2nd year of college had curfew as a teen, and even now as a young adult isn't wandering the town at all hours, even when away at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curfew? Always hated curfew and I don't see the point. I did plenty of drinking when I was fifteen/sixteen and got home by curfew. Only learned how to behave sober during those minutes when parents greet you coming home.

This was me, my folks were really strict, no boyfriend, home by 10 etc etc.. so I just got real good at hiding stuff, they had no clue where I was , only where I told them I was. By the time I got to college I was crazy. thankfully pulled it together before it was too late. My parents still have no clue my brother had to bail me out of jail for an underage drinking violation!

I do not want that for my kids, I want them to be able to experiment with becoming an adult as we all did but in a way that they always have a safe place to go and know they can come to me or their Dad. I am confident in the way the behave today, the relationship we have and what they talk to me about . They can have independence for senior year when they get there.

Curfew isn't about preventing drinking for us. We're AA, I'm not having my AA sons out at all hours even if just driving home from a friend's house 100% sober, I know and they know they won't get the benefit of doubt. Our oldest just starting a 2nd year of college had curfew as a teen, and even now as a young adult isn't wandering the town at all hours, even when away at school.

Never considered the differences n race concerning curfew. Interesting.