Men: do you generally not care what your spouse thinks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I knew I would get a lot of negative responses. FYI, I don't nag him about it. We've been married almost two decades and together for 21 years. He does know I'm not big on facial hair since it came up right in the beginning (he had just started wearing the goatee then) but more recently other people have been commenting on how he should get rid of it and so I told him I agreed. Would never expect him to just let me tell him how to look but it does sting a little as PP said, that he finally was giving in and shaving it to try it out for the week and then just ended up growing it back without giving it a chance. He does give me his opinion on my hair length, color (, and I do take his opinion into account. Its really wasn't such a big deal until he himself said he would do it.

He DID take your opinion into account. He cared enough about your opinion to try shaving it off!

He thought he gave it a chance, and he didn't like it. Time for you to forget about this and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my DW told me that we'd have sex more often if I grew or shaved my facial hair, you can bet I'd be wielding my razor accordingly.

"Mutton chops get your motor running? Well then I'm going to do my best to look like former President Chester A. Arthur."

Ha, and as soon as you fell for that trick, she'd instantly think of something else you need to do to get sex, and you'd be jumping around like a rabbit trying to fulfill these requests while she still denies you sex and laughs her ass off at you.

Probably. Moving goal posts is a real problem in a married couples' sex life.

[Anonymous]

I hate it when my DH climbs into bed and on top of me with a "scratchy beard". He will always get up and shave as he knows what's good for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my DW told me that we'd have sex more often if I grew or shaved my facial hair, you can bet I'd be wielding my razor accordingly.

"Mutton chops get your motor running? Well then I'm going to do my best to look like former President Chester A. Arthur."

Ha, and as soon as you fell for that trick, she'd instantly think of something else you need to do to get sex, and you'd be jumping around like a rabbit trying to fulfill these requests while she still denies you sex and laughs her ass off at you.

Well, yeah, she can get me to jump through all sorts of hoops if she actually has sex with me. If she won't, I lack incentive to care about her concerns.

[Anonymous]

I prefer my husband's clean shaven look tho for the past five years he's had a trim, neat beard. It has grown on me, but I still have a preference. He knows I have a preference, but I wouldn't force him. It's true tho that if I thought he liked something and I didn't feel strongly about it, I would want to look the way he preferred. Then again I straighten my hair sometimes even tho he prefers it wavy/curly just for a change. I wouldn't want to force him to hangs his look if he really likes it one way.

[Anonymous]

It's male privilege. First, no one should get to control another's body. In our society, men control women too much. They feel entitled to have a say over us. We women internalize this as normal, and we accept it more than is good for us.

A man doesn't accept that anyone should control his body.

Help him out with coloring his goatee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's male privilege. First, no one should get to control another's body. In our society, men control women too much. They feel entitled to have a say over us. We women internalize this as normal, and we accept it more than is good for us.

A man doesn't accept that anyone should control his body.

Help him out with coloring his goatee.

I agree that no one should get control over another's body but I disagree with the rest. Yes, there are exceptions. But most women I know don't feel that their DH's have control over how they look or what they wear. They certainly may comment or have an opinion but not control. This isn't Saudi Arabia! If you accept your DH having control over you it's your own fault.

[Anonymous]

haha don't be naive, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has had a goatee as long as I've known him. I have never liked facial hair but looked past it as looks aren't everything, of course. He has repeatedly told me over the years that "it's not a fad, this is how I look." This is in response to when the subject of shaving ever comes up. Now it's all white (he's in his early 40s) and pretty much makes him look 10 years older. I look younger than I am. So basically he doesn't look like my spouse, but more like my dad (I've actually been told this). Finally was able to convince him to shave it last week while we were out of town for a week - this way he could "try it out and not let anyone he knows see it." For three days he let the stubble grow and the fourth day he started the goatee again. I don't get it. Now he knows I hate it at this point but he still couldn't care less what I think. I know, it's his face, but come on now, we ladies are always trying our best to look good - do men really not care?

I care. I hope she likes what I like. I'm willing to compromise on certain things. At the same time, I hope she can respect what I like, particularly when it comes to my personal appearance. If you hated it, why did you start dating him. If I saw a woman smoking a cigarette, I wouldn't approach her, no matter how attractive I found her. It's simply a turnoff for me. I'm not going to go out with her, propose marriage and then 5 years in bitch because she's still smoking.

[Anonymous]

The analogy with smoking is completely ridiculous. I would never date/marry someone who smoked, but not because it didn't look good but because it'll kill him.

[Anonymous]

I generally care about what my DW thinks but I'm generally fairly conservative or middle of the road in my appearance so there isn't really much on the edge that she can complain about. On non appearance stuff (house, finances etc.) I do care because she's very smart and knows what she's talking about. She does want me clean shaven if I have any hope for having sex. I'm happy to deal with that.