Men: do you generally not care what your spouse thinks?

[Anonymous]

DH has had a goatee as long as I've known him. I have never liked facial hair but looked past it as looks aren't everything, of course. He has repeatedly told me over the years that "it's not a fad, this is how I look." This is in response to when the subject of shaving ever comes up. Now it's all white (he's in his early 40s) and pretty much makes him look 10 years older. I look younger than I am. So basically he doesn't look like my spouse, but more like my dad (I've actually been told this). Finally was able to convince him to shave it last week while we were out of town for a week - this way he could "try it out and not let anyone he knows see it." For three days he let the stubble grow and the fourth day he started the goatee again. I don't get it. Now he knows I hate it at this point but he still couldn't care less what I think. I know, it's his face, but come on now, we ladies are always trying our best to look good - do men really not care?

[Anonymous]

Pride and ego reign supreme in the minds of men not appeal and appreciation.

[Anonymous]

He's an adult.
He is entitled to control his own appearance.
He is entitled to disagree with you on what makes him look good.

He cares what you think. He's just not going to let what you think decide the issue in question. If he did, he'd be a pathetic spineless pussy and you'd despise him.

[Anonymous]

It always amuses me when a woman like the OP feels that if she doesn't like his facial hair he should cut it off. Yet women go ballistic if a man were to request a woman wear her hair in a certain way especially as to length.

[Anonymous]

Do you not care what he thinks? About his own body?!

And FYI, not caring is not the same thing as doing exactly what you want.

[Anonymous]

Do you keep your hair exactly as he wants it?

You sound controlling. His body, his choices.

Ther could be things about your body he would prefer to be different. Living your life for someone else's approval is no way to live.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. A friend of mine has had one of those massive hipster-lumberjack beards. It looks awful, it's gross, it hides his face. His girlfriend is matter of fact about hating it. And yet he keeps it. I just...don't get it. It seems almost disrespectful to her.

[Anonymous]

must not have anything else going for him.

[Anonymous]

OP, you better hope you don't gain an ounce or have your boobs drop an inch, because you're essentially giving him precedent to nag the hell out of you when it eventually happens.

[Anonymous]

Does your name start with an L? Because if so, I am STILL so embarrassed that I saw an old man arrive with you and said "Is that your dad?" and you kind of laughed and said "No, that's my husband." I know roughly how old you are, but he looked about 25 years older!

[Anonymous]

I don't get this either actually. My husband (in a non-controlling way) told me he disliked my newer hairstyle and of COURSE I grew it out...why would I intentionally go out of my way to keep something that made me physically less attractive to my spouse??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH has had a goatee as long as I've known him. I have never liked facial hair but looked past it as looks aren't everything, of course. He has repeatedly told me over the years that "it's not a fad, this is how I look." This is in response to when the subject of shaving ever comes up. Now it's all white (he's in his early 40s) and pretty much makes him look 10 years older. I look younger than I am. So basically he doesn't look like my spouse, but more like my dad (I've actually been told this). Finally was able to convince him to shave it last week while we were out of town for a week - this way he could "try it out and not let anyone he knows see it." For three days he let the stubble grow and the fourth day he started the goatee again. I don't get it. Now he knows I hate it at this point but he still couldn't care less what I think. I know, it's his face, but come on now, we ladies are always trying our best to look good - do men really not care?

If you knew he looked that way, why did you marry him?

If he was clean shaven when you met and married and then he decided to do it like this, I'd say you have a case to be upset. I'm not sure why any DH would want to make himself less attractive to his spouse, unless he'd prefer much less time with you in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always amuses me when a woman like the OP feels that if she doesn't like his facial hair he should cut it off. Yet women go ballistic if a man were to request a woman wear her hair in a certain way especially as to length.

This is 100% true. OP, I bet you'd have a real bee in your bonnet if he said something to you about your hair, style of dress, or body shape aging you. My advice is to shut it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always amuses me when a woman like the OP feels that if she doesn't like his facial hair he should cut it off. Yet women go ballistic if a man were to request a woman wear her hair in a certain way especially as to length.

+1. It's not just men who don't care what their spouse thinks. Almost every woman I know cuts her hair short after having kids, despite their husbands' protests.

If he's had the goatee since you met him, I don't think you'll be able to convince him to get rid of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It always amuses me when a woman like the OP feels that if she doesn't like his facial hair he should cut it off. Yet women go ballistic if a man were to request a woman wear her hair in a certain way especially as to length.

+1. It's not just men who don't care what their spouse thinks. Almost every woman I know cuts her hair short after having kids, despite their husbands' protests.

If he's had the goatee since you met him, I don't think you'll be able to convince him to get rid of it.

+2
I did cut my hair after one of my children was born, ug, I just couldn't keep up with life and the baby kept pulling it when nursing! But no comment from DH, and I did grow it back out.

I also have a spouse who was clean shaven when we met/married, and now sports a full beard. I have never told him I don't like it. Although I do sometimes tell him to groom it a little. I wish he'd groom a little more ... he's a mess. At least he's bald, and can't be ungroomed on the top of the head.