What to do when you've picked the wrong suburb

[Anonymous]

I think people in this area blow out of proportion differences between neighborhoods. Of course there are big differences between, Logan, close-in Bethesda, and Poolesville, for example. But between areas closer to each other, the differences are more limited.

There was a thread a week ago where people tried to argue there was a big difference between two close-in Bethesda neighborhoods that were literally across the street from each other and feed to the same ES. It was just silly.

[Anonymous]

As a NYer I fully agree with others who have said that NY suburbs are a different ballgame. Since it's mostly town-based there, it's really the overall town that makes the difference whereas in the D.C. Area it's more street by street or neighborhood by neighborhood. The only glaring exception being Takoma Park which has a distinctly personality.

NY suburbs tend to be demarcated based on religion, race and socio-economics. Here, socioeconomics obviously play a role but I cannot think of a whole area Around D.C. that is predominately one religion or another, some neighborhoods are, but not a whole "town." I use town in quotes since there are no real towns in the suburban sprawl that is the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would anyone like to share where they bought that "looked wonderful" but they hated after they lived there?

I won't say a specific place, but a house near a busy road, no sidewalks, no neighborhood pools, no neighborhood playgrounds all together can lead to a neighborhood with no community feel and no kids.

[Anonymous]

It was telling in that article, however, that the mom clearly stated that she didn't want a "pressure cooker" and wanted a community with strong arts as well as traditional academics. I think that what she was describing was fit, and interesting, it sounds a lot like the conversations you might have with your kids about colleges -- what is the vibe like? What is important to people in this college or suburb? Will there be any people like me?


I think the problem is that you might not have a strong enough sense of your own parenting philosophy when you have preschoolers and are buying that house, so you look at school districts and scores and assume that that's all that matters and that schools with good scores look alike.
For me it was only once my kids got a bit older that I was able to even form or express a philosophy about what makes a great childhood, a strong family, etc. ie. didn't think about whether a child could ride a bicycle unaccompanied on our street when said child was in a stroller at the time. didn't realize I was going to be more of a free-range parent and less of a kumonster.

We moved out of a pressure cooker area into one which is more relaxed and never looked back. But there's no way I could have told you that I would be a particular kind of parent back when my kids were in preschool.

[Anonymous]

I live in a neighborhood that DCUM decries. My parents came to visit me this week and we were sitting on our porch and they were surprised by the amount of neighbors who said hello while driving and walking by. It works great for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My tip to get it right the first time is to wait until you have kids and they are nearing school age.

We bought a bigger, nicer house before having kids. Once we had kids and they were near school age, we realized a different type of neighborhood would be better for them. So then we moved again, but this time we focused on neighborhood not house, and if the neighborhood was kid friendly.

+1.

A costly error on our part.

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that the wife of the family who settled in Rye is a "Mrs." and she's only 32. I haven't seen Mrs used for a younger woman in the Times in ages. Wonder what it says about Rye!

[Anonymous]

While NYT trend stories make me want to vomit, this is an interesting thread.

We have some good friends who moved to the burbs from DC at the same time we did. We had done extensive research and spent a lot of time where we wanted to be, tried the commute, knew about the schools, etc. - and were very clear on what we wanted out of a suburb. It has worked out great (although the commute is definitely a trade off...). Our friends moved to a part of the 'burbs that they thought they would like, could afford, had great schools, etc. - but I think they mostly moved because it was what you were supposed to do in your mid-30s with two kids. They HATED it. Lived in the burbs for less than 2 years before moving back into the city to rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that the wife of the family who settled in Rye is a "Mrs." and she's only 32. I haven't seen Mrs used for a younger woman in the Times in ages. Wonder what it says about Rye!

I am 32 and like being referred to as Mrs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would anyone like to share where they bought that "looked wonderful" but they hated after they lived there?

I won't say a specific place, but a house near a busy road, no sidewalks, no neighborhood pools, no neighborhood playgrounds all together can lead to a neighborhood with no community feel and no kids.

This, and use your imagination. Which areas do many people idealize (hint: close in wealthy suburbs)? What places sound wonderful to many (not all) people (or make it seem like a home buyer there has "made it")? Right - things are not always what they seem, and may turn up a higher proportion of really unhappy people.

[Anonymous]

I have seen a house for sale with "lovely neighborhood!" or "friendly..." or whatever. If you have to advertise it, run!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would anyone like to share where they bought that "looked wonderful" but they hated after they lived there?

I won't say a specific place, but a house near a busy road, no sidewalks, no neighborhood pools, no neighborhood playgrounds all together can lead to a neighborhood with no community feel and no kids.

This, and use your imagination. Which areas do many people idealize (hint: close in wealthy suburbs)? What places sound wonderful to many (not all) people (or make it seem like a home buyer there has "made it")? Right - things are not always what they seem, and may turn up a higher proportion of really unhappy people.

McLean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have seen a house for sale with "lovely neighborhood!" or "friendly..." or whatever. If you have to advertise it, run!!

Be interested in where you saw these advertisements as they are violations of the Fair Housing Laws.

[Anonymous]

I picked the wrong suburb. I live in Arlington. I like my particular neighborhood and am lucky enough to like my neighbors, but I don't like Arlington.

Now I feel like even if/when we move we are limited to NoVa so that we don't totally change everything in my kids' lives. At least if we move to McLean or Falls Church we can still go to some of the same family restaurants, parks, see the same doctors, and most importantly, they (my oldest at least) can still have playdates with her closest friends.

I'm trying to understand the personalities of each of these places but even after living here 3 years I can't quite figure it out... Or is it the case that unlike NYC suburbs the DC suburbs just don't have distinct personalities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I picked the wrong suburb. I live in Arlington. I like my particular neighborhood and am lucky enough to like my neighbors, but I don't like Arlington.

Now I feel like even if/when we move we are limited to NoVa so that we don't totally change everything in my kids' lives. At least if we move to McLean or Falls Church we can still go to some of the same family restaurants, parks, see the same doctors, and most importantly, they (my oldest at least) can still have playdates with her closest friends.

I'm trying to understand the personalities of each of these places but even after living here 3 years I can't quite figure it out... Or is it the case that unlike NYC suburbs the DC suburbs just don't have distinct personalities?

They do. You chose well, considering.