When you son is the only one who doesn't play sports

[Anonymous]

I have 3 boys who do not do sports. They do not enjoy sports. My husband and I aren't interested in sports. My boys are active in Boy Scouts so they do outdoor activities. Somehow they have found other boys who share the same interests. They are happy and well adjusted. I wouldn't worry about it. Your son will be fine. Sports aren't everything.

[Anonymous]

Get him in martial arts. My son was the tiny non athletic kid. He is in high school now, much bigger and stronger and a black belt. Not many of those sporty kids were good enough to make the high school team after all those years.

[Anonymous]

We are at a school where most of the boys are not athletic and the teams always lose!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds as though the issue isn't that he's not doing sports. It's that he's not doing sports at school.

I've been trying to figure out a middle school that starts at 5th, has enough no cut sports for all the 5th graders, and doesn't make sports mandatory the way Bullis or Landon or Sidwell does, but I'm failing.

Given that, I think it's likely that there will be other boys not doing sports, and he just needs to find them. Does the school have things like choir or drama during the same time period? Most schools that put a high value on sports these are two different time periods.

Green Acres. No sports requirement. There are plenty of kids in my son's grade who prefer other activities to sports. For those that want to play, nobody is turned away due to lack of skill. All are welcome. The athletic director/coaches are very encouraging. My son actually wishes it were more competitive so he plays on other teams outside school. But he has lots of fun on the school teams.

[Anonymous]

My just-graduated son was hopeless at all sports and stopped rec teams by the time he was in 4th or 5th grade. I think it does cause a division among the boys, unfortunately, because they no longer have that shared experience. My son also dislikes watching sports, so he is lacking the shared language of sports chit-chat.

Luckily, video games seem to cross all divides, so there's that!

I did have him in low-pressure tennis classes for several years just for something different to do and he enjoyed them without progressing.

[Anonymous]

OP, when I was in middle school I hated organized sports. I didn't get the rules and I was pretty clumsy, so I was terrible at them. It's really hard for a boy, and it feels really a lot like you are being excluded when other kids all want to play ball or talk about ball games. I get where you are coming from.

One recommendation --- get your boy doing some fitness stuff so that he can be healthy. Ideally, some weight lifting would be good too. It's amazing how much easier a lot of activities that he'll encounter in scouts are when you are fit and strong (hiking, carrying a backpack, kayaking, etc.). I started lifting weights on my own with a cheap weight set my parents bought me when I was in 7th grade, and by 9th grade I was pretty strong compared to my peers. It helped ease the social issues related to being bad at ball sports. In high school I did two endurance sports, earning varsity letters and becoming a team captain in one (which was a big deal way back when in my podunk high school).

I also totally second the recommendation for martial arts. I did judo, TKD and karate for many years, and loved them. Again, being good at those things eased a lot of the social strain of being bad at ball sports. I think the martial arts training also really improved my hand eye coordination, to an extent that I didn't realize until my early 20s. I always, always, always turned down invitations to toss a ball or play baseball or softball because I was so terrible at those things as a kid. In my early 20s, a bunch of my co-workers were messing around before a softball game and invited me to hit the ball (not sure why). I refused, but they basically insisted. When I tried it, I was shocked at how easy it was to hit a big, slow moving softball with a bat (especially compared to kicking a small, fast moving tennis-ball sized kick target or hitting a speed bag). I also found that I was really easily able to follow advice that my friend gave me about how to shift my weight and turn my hips to hit. All of that is stuff that I would not have been able to do at all if I had not done many years of martial arts. I had similar experiences through my 20s and 30s with other sports like soccer and basketball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My just-graduated son was hopeless at all sports and stopped rec teams by the time he was in 4th or 5th grade. I think it does cause a division among the boys, unfortunately, because they no longer have that shared experience. My son also dislikes watching sports, so he is lacking the shared language of sports chit-chat.

Luckily, video games seem to cross all divides, so there's that!

I did have him in low-pressure tennis classes for several years just for something different to do and he enjoyed them without progressing.

We are on this path with my rising 8th grader.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally agree with accepting and celebrating your son as he is, but if he *wants* to participate, consider cross country. All kids are welcome, and even the slowest runners are praised, encouraged and part of the crowd. It's a very congenial crowd, especially in middle school.