When your kid's friendship turns obsessive

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me that the issue here is, your daughter has a close friend whom you don't like. Which is a problem! And I'm sympathetic! But it's not the problem you think you have.

This was my reaction, too. I totally get it.

It's not that DD is spending a ton of time with one friend or even that she's spending a lot of time with a friend instead of with the family. It sounds like your concerns are being triggered by this particular friend -- the previous behavior (sneaky, boundary-pushing) and the contect (low supervision.)

Looking back, my brother and I each had a range of different friends as teens. My parents definitely had different responses/permissiveness depending on the friend. There were some where they were more laid back and green-lighted every request. But there were others where they set different boundaries and kept us on a tighter leash. Looking back, I completely get it. From a parent's point of view, they really were very different situations (lack of supervision, older sibling influences, boundary-pushing or risk-taking personalities etc.) I credit my parents for making the distinction, even though it was irritating to me (and especially my brother!) at the time.

To test this, think about some of DD's other good friends. Would you feel the same concern if DD was making every effort to spend every minute with one of them? Or is it really about this friend in particular?