When someone tells you that you have already told them something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: The story was so short like maybe 1 minute. It was about something my 16 month old son did. I think I'm overly emotional. I don't have my parents living anymore and my in laws do not speak English and live abroad. I don't have many people to share baby things with. This friend has been rude in other ways. I wanted to see what people do in these situations. I don't tell people usually because I find it rude. I was very close to my grandmother growing up and I got used to this I guess. Her stories were very long but she loved telling them.

OP, I think a key detail here is when you mention that your friend has been rude in other ways. In that context I can see how there might be some shaky emotional trust to begin with. In a really solid friendship with no incidents of perceived rudeness, I don’t think it would matter.

I also think this is a good example of how it’s not what you say but how you say it that matters. If your friend said it with a funny tone it might come off rude. If said well I don’t think it would come off rude. Only you know this because you heard it though and know the context.

My advice would be to take note of it but don’t fixate. If your friends rudeness persists you might just not be that compatible as close friends and you can focus on friend building else where and let this friendship just be what it is.

Don’t worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I enthusiastically say "yes! you told me this! It was so funny!"

Exactly. I don’t act annoyed but find a way to let them know nicely.

[Anonymous]

I have been both the repeater and the repeatee. I think the person who mentioned people aren't really engaging have part of it. Some of my most gregarious and outgoing friends do tend to repeat stories because they have a lot of friends and forget who they told them to. But they are usually adept at saying, wait, did I tell you the latest about my sister's dog? I have a few friends who seem compelled to repeat things and I just try to minimize our time together as it's just too fatiguing.

I appreciate it when people gently say, yes, I remember your mom had to move to assisted living; how is that working out? So I try to use this when I find myself listening to the same info over and over.

TLDR; be aware and try to be kind either way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's rude but so many people in this area are rude. They don't get it.

So many of the posters on here are rude (and cold) too. OP, I would have listened to your story with a big smile. Would have been happy to see you so in live with your kiddo.

[Anonymous]

Love

[Anonymous]

With aging parents, the same stories get repeated frequently.

[Anonymous]

I would never shut it down with a blunt, "you told me that." Sometimes I will gently try to signal with a nod or an "oh, yes" that we're on familiar territory, and often that's enough for the person to recall that they've told me the story before, or to ask. If they don't, I usually just listen. It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Reacting like I just heard the story the first time when it's the second or third time hearing it just feels like I'm being fake. Second time I'll be cool. But third time, I'll let you know that, yes I know, you told me already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reacting like I just heard the story the first time when it's the second or third time hearing it just feels like I'm being fake. Second time I'll be cool. But third time, I'll let you know that, yes I know, you told me already.

+1

I say something like “...then didn’t XYZ happened? I remember we talked about this the other month.” I would never be rude about it but I would engage the conversation a little bit differently the third time I heard the same story.

[Anonymous]

I think it can be done politely. I do not remember whether I told you about a particular event last time we met for coffee or a different friend. I would be happy to be reminded. Half the time I say,"Stop me if I am repeating myself..."

[Anonymous]

Oh right...you went to FL. You showed me pictures last week...

[Anonymous]

OMG! One friend does this all the time and she talks forever. At first, I let her talk as she is getting older, but after wasting hours a few times, I just say, yeah, I know. I think you mentioned this. She is always gracious about it, and says, eh, you see, you know about it.

[Anonymous]

I need to be more like some PP who have given some very tactful ways to do this. I've been rude to DH many times when he's told me the same story over and over again. I'll try to be a nicer person. Interestingly as he gets older some new stories are popping up, but this reminds me of his mother who before she died started telling new stories, and we wondered if she was delusional or suddenly sharing new stories from her past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With aging parents, the same stories get repeated frequently.

Sometimes in the same phone conversation. Hi, Mom.

[Anonymous]

2nd time i give you a pass. 4th or 5th time, i will let you know.