Anonymous wrote:I feel like when you give a gift, you should give willingly and without judging the situation. However....my ex boyfriend lives with his parents and contributes to the household monetarily. He works 2 jobs. His father was originally the bread winner of the family but his business crashed several years ago. they pretty much went from 800k HHI to 100k. His mother recently got a part time job (she is 68 and has never worked outside the home). They are not doing well right now and need some help paying their bills. I offered to write a check this month to help cover some of the bills in their house. I do feel that I would be better off giving thief money if they didn't have such high expenses!
They moved to a smaller house when the business went up, but it is still a large home with a large mortgage. They still have a cleaner come twice a week and they are still driving their expensive cars (which require expensive tune ups). I feel like an ass for putting conditions on a gift, but I don't want to float them every month when they are short on money. Is it too much to ask that they cut expenses before I write a check? If anything the money will go farther if they are spending more modestly. Advice?
if you give it as a gift, which is what you should do if you give the money at all (vs. a loan), then putting any kind of conditions on it is just you being controlling.
You don't have to give him anything! but if you do, you have no right at all to dictate how and when or he spends your money or the money he currently has.
Were it me, I would not give him one cent. Not because of any reason but that its not my place or my business to worry about someone else's finances. I have a family to take care of, they are my first and only responsibility.
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