I don't want to give money to my friend until he cuts expenses!

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks for the advice. I am very close with them and while I was there they asked me to help them create a monthly budget. Once we started writing everything out, it was obvious that they are living a $500k lifestyle on 100k (40k of which is earned by my ex). I have not offered to give them the money yet, I was just considering it seeing as they seem to be "barely making it", but they could if they trimmed the expenses a bit. I asked him if they would accept the money and he is unsure of if they should take it/hasn't asked them yet.

For example their budget is a bit like this:

Mortgage:$3100
Housekeeper: $400
Car maintenance and gas: $500 (for 3 cars)
Insurance: 300 (for all 3 cars)
Grocery: $300
Gym: $200
Restaurants: $300
Health insurance: $400
Miscellaneous shopping: $400
Credit cards: $200

They have internet/cell phones but they didn't factor that in so I don't know how much it costs

[Anonymous]

You cannot give these people money.

Gym? Restaurants? 3 cars? Dad doesn't even work. Sell one car.

When you are in a finicancial bind you have to learn how to change your lifestyle. Why don't you help the mom consign some of her clothes and purses instead?

[Anonymous]

Why would you offer to give money to an ex boyfriends parents whose lifestyle you clearly disapprove up?

[Anonymous]

Why are you still involved with your ex boyfriend? Do you have a new boyfriend? Does he have a new girlfriend? Maybe his new girlfriend can help out? Maybe the parents have other children who can help? Or maybe they have siblings?

The whole thing sounds very unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Are you trying to get the approval of your ex boyfriend's parents so that he will get back together with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you offer to give money to an ex boyfriends parents whose lifestyle you clearly disapprove up?

No, this isn't about disapproval. It's about the fact that I think $2500 would go farther if they drove used toyotas and not Audis that seem to be in need of regular maintenance. No I don't want to get back together with him but we split amicably and still talk/spend time together. Fwiw, he has done "boyfriend" type things for my/my family since we have been broken up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks for the advice. I am very close with them and while I was there they asked me to help them create a monthly budget. Once we started writing everything out, it was obvious that they are living a $500k lifestyle on 100k (40k of which is earned by my ex). I have not offered to give them the money yet, I was just considering it seeing as they seem to be "barely making it", but they could if they trimmed the expenses a bit. I asked him if they would accept the money and he is unsure of if they should take it/hasn't asked them yet.

For example their budget is a bit like this:

Mortgage:$3100
Housekeeper: $400
Car maintenance and gas: $500 (for 3 cars)
Insurance: 300 (for all 3 cars)
Grocery: $300
Gym: $200
Restaurants: $300
Health insurance: $400
Miscellaneous shopping: $400
Credit cards: $200

They have internet/cell phones but they didn't factor that in so I don't know how much it costs

This must be a BS post. That grocery budget is too low as is a 2x a week housekeeper. This is not a 500k budget at all and may even be doable on 100k. Certainly not the budget of someone making 800k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks for the advice. I am very close with them and while I was there they asked me to help them create a monthly budget. Once we started writing everything out, it was obvious that they are living a $500k lifestyle on 100k (40k of which is earned by my ex). I have not offered to give them the money yet, I was just considering it seeing as they seem to be "barely making it", but they could if they trimmed the expenses a bit. I asked him if they would accept the money and he is unsure of if they should take it/hasn't asked them yet.

For example their budget is a bit like this:

Mortgage:$3100
Housekeeper: $400
Car maintenance and gas: $500 (for 3 cars)
Insurance: 300 (for all 3 cars)
Grocery: $300
Gym: $200
Restaurants: $300
Health insurance: $400
Miscellaneous shopping: $400
Credit cards: $200

They have internet/cell phones but they didn't factor that in so I don't know how much it costs

Well, they are barely making those gym payments Op...pony up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks for the advice. I am very close with them and while I was there they asked me to help them create a monthly budget. Once we started writing everything out, it was obvious that they are living a $500k lifestyle on 100k (40k of which is earned by my ex). I have not offered to give them the money yet, I was just considering it seeing as they seem to be "barely making it", but they could if they trimmed the expenses a bit. I asked him if they would accept the money and he is unsure of if they should take it/hasn't asked them yet.

For example their budget is a bit like this:

Mortgage:$3100
Housekeeper: $400
Car maintenance and gas: $500 (for 3 cars)
Insurance: 300 (for all 3 cars)
Grocery: $300
Gym: $200
Restaurants: $300
Health insurance: $400
Miscellaneous shopping: $400
Credit cards: $200

They have internet/cell phones but they didn't factor that in so I don't know how much it costs

This must be a BS post. That grocery budget is too low as is a 2x a week housekeeper. This is not a 500k budget at all and may even be doable on 100k. Certainly not the budget of someone making 800k.

These are the numbers they gave me when we sat down to organize

[Anonymous]

How much are you wanting to give them op ?

[Anonymous]

They must have a large nest egg from all the years that their HHI was $800K.

[Anonymous]

Why the heck are you so involved? I can not imagine being this in the weeds with my ex-BF's family's money. So weird OP.

Boundaries! Get some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck are you so involved? I can not imagine being this in the weeds with my ex-BF's family's money. So weird OP.

Boundaries! Get some.

+1. Unless you are planning in getting back together with this guy and marrying him, you should be moving on with your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck are you so involved? I can not imagine being this in the weeds with my ex-BF's family's money. So weird OP.

Boundaries! Get some.

+1. I'm the pp who asked if there was a kid. I've been with dh over 20 years and know a lot about mil's finances bc she needs help with investments. But neither dh nor I know her monthly expenses. Like a pp said, boundaries.

[Anonymous]

what do they do at the gym when they are in their 70s