Feeling hopeless about relationship with a**h*** DH

[Anonymous]

Retirement age with a 2 year old? Where is the ex-wife? Adult kids? What else are you leaving out? Really seems like you need to ease up on the old guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Retirement age with a 2 year old? Where is the ex-wife? Adult kids? What else are you leaving out? Really seems like you need to ease up on the old guy.

Can all the misogynist troll assholes stfu? Thanks.

- irritated NP.

[Anonymous]

If you have so much money, stop asking him for help with the kid. Hire a sitter for morning runs. Hire a mother's helper in the evenings for tooth brushing. Hire out everything you can.

If you really don't want to divorce, stop engaging with him. Stop asking for anything from him. Stop expecting anything from him. Take what he is able to give and that's all. Make a life within this life for you and your daughter, with no expectations from him.

You're going to protest that that sounds awful, but that's the best you can expect if you stay. If you really want to stay, let go of expectations and find your own peace within the cage you've built.

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem like a thin-skinned drama queen. Your husband gets frustrated with you once or twice a month and you are fretting about divorcing him? Get real. Poor guy.

[Anonymous]

OP, I've no advice but I'm right there with ya, with a 3yo DD.

I've been meaning to start writing down everything that DH says to me, so I can show him or a therapist that 95% of what comes out of his mouth is critical, much of it BS. He thinks that all he says is important, and I must listen and respect his "feelings". When I correct the behavior that bothered him, he doesn't lay off but finds something else to complain about:

-If he falls asleep early and I don't clean the kitchen (including all his dishes that he piles for me to wash) so as not to wake him with banging dishes, because he has insomnia and must wake early for work, then he complains that the kitchen is a mess in the morning and cleans it dramatically like a martyr. He complained that using dish sponges made him sick, so I switched to wash clothes. Now he complains that the dishes I wash make him sick because I put hand-washed (squeaky clean) dishes with the sanitized items in the dish washer. (I add hand-washed items to dry in dish washer to save counter space, which he likes).

It's a constant drip of bullshit like that ALL THE TIME. He is always right, I am always wrong, nothing I say matters. If my opinion differs from his, then I must be "trying to start an argument," even if I say it calmly and with no intention to argue.

It was funny, the other day he said something like "I think you have mental health problems. You are less well than when I met you." I told him "That's because I am sick of you always nagging that I am doing something wrong, and worse." He refused to believe me. Then he wonders/complains that I don't come on to him. Like hell I'm gonna come on to someone who treats me like an annoyance at best.

So, OP, here's my wishful solution: I grew up listening to a fable about a crane and a heron who were dating, and were always upset with each other. The crane would go to the heron with flowers, the heron would send him away because she was upset about something from before. Then the heron would go to the crane to make up, but he sent her away because now he was upset at her. Then the crane would go to the heron to make up, but she would send him away because he sent her away earlier. And they went back and forth like this. I think it's important to recognize and make an effort to be the one who breaks this cycle.

Also, DD and I read fairy tales at night. I am finding solutions in that: to love my best and trust that the curse that turned him into a beast will break. It's hard, because he flat out refuses to acknowledge any wrong doing. But that seems to be the only solution other than divorce.

[Anonymous]

NP here.

OP, I think you should get a job, even a part-time job, and hire some help for your child.

I don't mean that as any WOH/SAHM thing. (I really have no dog in that fight, as I don't have kids and don't really care if women want to SAH or WOH.)

But it might help shift the dynamic going on right now by, at the least, shifting your focus a little bit so that you aren't hanging on his every word. It also might help him see you differently.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

why do men marry such shrews? how hard it is to see that OP is a type of woman who ever shuts up?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need individual therapy.

And some hobbies.

You do sound exhausting.

I'm the first to say DTMFA in abusive situation, but I don't think (from what you've said) this is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need individual therapy.

And some hobbies.

You do sound exhausting.

I'm the first to say DTMFA in abusive situation, but I don't think (from what you've said) this is the case.

PP here. I agree.

OP's DH doesn't sound abusive. He sounds irritable. Those are different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are walking on eggshells. You still look young- that might not be the case in a few years. Isn't it better to find someone you truly love and- at the very least- feel comfortable and safe with?

Well, gee, I don't know... how about no, because she's already made a commitment to someone else? Or do wedding vows mean absolutely nothing to you, unless you "feel comfortable" every minute of the day?

[Anonymous]

Op get a job. Even if it's part time. You are becoming ridiculous, and driving your Dh crazy. It doesn't have to make a lot of money, but you and Dh and dd will be SO much happier.

[Anonymous]

OP, it doesn't sound like you like him or respect him. I wouldn't want to come home to someone who thought I was an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've no advice but I'm right there with ya, with a 3yo DD.

I've been meaning to start writing down everything that DH says to me, so I can show him or a therapist that 95% of what comes out of his mouth is critical, much of it BS. He thinks that all he says is important, and I must listen and respect his "feelings". When I correct the behavior that bothered him, he doesn't lay off but finds something else to complain about:

-If he falls asleep early and I don't clean the kitchen (including all his dishes that he piles for me to wash) so as not to wake him with banging dishes, because he has insomnia and must wake early for work, then he complains that the kitchen is a mess in the morning and cleans it dramatically like a martyr. He complained that using dish sponges made him sick, so I switched to wash clothes. Now he complains that the dishes I wash make him sick because I put hand-washed (squeaky clean) dishes with the sanitized items in the dish washer. (I add hand-washed items to dry in dish washer to save counter space, which he likes).

It's a constant drip of bullshit like that ALL THE TIME. He is always right, I am always wrong, nothing I say matters. If my opinion differs from his, then I must be "trying to start an argument," even if I say it calmly and with no intention to argue.

It was funny, the other day he said something like "I think you have mental health problems. You are less well than when I met you." I told him "That's because I am sick of you always nagging that I am doing something wrong, and worse." He refused to believe me. Then he wonders/complains that I don't come on to him. Like hell I'm gonna come on to someone who treats me like an annoyance at best.

So, OP, here's my wishful solution: I grew up listening to a fable about a crane and a heron who were dating, and were always upset with each other. The crane would go to the heron with flowers, the heron would send him away because she was upset about something from before. Then the heron would go to the crane to make up, but he sent her away because now he was upset at her. Then the crane would go to the heron to make up, but she would send him away because he sent her away earlier. And they went back and forth like this. I think it's important to recognize and make an effort to be the one who breaks this cycle.

Also, DD and I read fairy tales at night. I am finding solutions in that: to love my best and trust that the curse that turned him into a beast will break. It's hard, because he flat out refuses to acknowledge any wrong doing. But that seems to be the only solution other than divorce.

You are a grown woman. It's bizarre that you are talking like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you need individual therapy.

And some hobbies.

You do sound exhausting.

I'm the first to say DTMFA in abusive situation, but I don't think (from what you've said) this is the case.

PP here. I agree.

OP's DH doesn't sound abusive. He sounds irritable. Those are different things.

Irritability can be a sign of depression in men. My BIL was so irritable and critical, then after 10 years finally got on meds and is soooo much less of an asshole.