Reply to Feeling hopeless about relationship with a**h*** DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I've no advice but I'm right there with ya, with a 3yo DD.

I've been meaning to start writing down everything that DH says to me, so I can show him or a therapist that 95% of what comes out of his mouth is critical, much of it BS. He thinks that all he says is important, and I must listen and respect his "feelings". When I correct the behavior that bothered him, he doesn't lay off but finds something else to complain about:

-If he falls asleep early and I don't clean the kitchen (including all his dishes that he piles for me to wash) so as not to wake him with banging dishes, because he has insomnia and must wake early for work, then he complains that the kitchen is a mess in the morning and cleans it dramatically like a martyr. He complained that using dish sponges made him sick, so I switched to wash clothes. Now he complains that the dishes I wash make him sick because I put hand-washed (squeaky clean) dishes with the sanitized items in the dish washer. (I add hand-washed items to dry in dish washer to save counter space, which he likes).

It's a constant drip of bullshit like that ALL THE TIME. He is always right, I am always wrong, nothing I say matters. If my opinion differs from his, then I must be "trying to start an argument," even if I say it calmly and with no intention to argue.

It was funny, the other day he said something like "I think you have mental health problems. You are less well than when I met you." I told him "That's because I am sick of you always nagging that I am doing something wrong, and worse." He refused to believe me. Then he wonders/complains that I don't come on to him. Like hell I'm gonna come on to someone who treats me like an annoyance at best.

So, OP, here's my wishful solution: I grew up listening to a fable about a crane and a heron who were dating, and were always upset with each other. The crane would go to the heron with flowers, the heron would send him away because she was upset about something from before. Then the heron would go to the crane to make up, but he sent her away because now he was upset at her. Then the crane would go to the heron to make up, but she would send him away because he sent her away earlier. And they went back and forth like this. I think it's important to recognize and make an effort to be the one who breaks this cycle.

Also, DD and I read fairy tales at night. I am finding solutions in that: to love my best and trust [b]that the curse that turned him into a beast will break.[/b] It's hard, because he flat out refuses to acknowledge any wrong doing. But that seems to be the only solution other than divorce.[/quote]

You are a grown woman.  It's bizarre that you are talking like that.  [/quote]

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