Ever have a friend whose life seems so perfect it's hard to be around her sometimes?

[Anonymous]

spend more time with normal people (eg losers) like me. love my kids but they are not perfect, each has issues. love my spouse but our marriage is hardly hot n heavy. We have enough $ for all the basics and many of the options but not the DCUM 300k lifestyle that seems the norm on this website (but not on the world). I keep in shape and am not a troll, but I'll never turn heads when I walk into a room. I have friends, but am hardly the epicenter of an amazing social life. etc, etc, etc.

I have friends who died of cancer and 36 and never got to experienc e the good, bad and mediocre days that I've had for the last 10 years.

[Anonymous]

The part of your post that bothers me is where you wrote that it's the success of her kids that bothers you more than the things they own. People are rarely open about the struggles their kids go through and it's an area where having money makes a difference. If you love your kids for who they are and accept them for who they are, that's the most important thing. Focus on what you find amazing about them.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have a very good life - three great young adult kids, good jobs, money in the bank, and we have a wonderful relationship. Plenty of people we know have more money, are better looking etc., etc. While I sometimes envy others for their much bigger homes, fancier cars or more successful careers I'm not sure I know anyone whose life is in total any better or happier than ours. Sure, more of everything is better but at what cost? Would I want a bigger home and a fancier car at the expense of the relationship I have with my DH or my kids? Never.

[Anonymous]

Never. Pretty much the opposite but I know they fooled other people.

[Anonymous]

"I think if you are in your thirties, childless, single and not doing great in your career, you feel it more and compare yourself to others who have achieved all those things."

You know, I lost a good friend in my 30s because she felt the same way - she couldn't handle what I (and others in our circle) had at the time. Has she stuck around, she would have seen me go through secondary infertility, divorce, some rocky career moments, and a struggle with parenting my great but difficult child. She would have seen another friend deal with with post-partum depression, other health problems, marital problems, and nursing both parents through cancer treatments at the same time, one of whom didn't make it.

No, life isn't fair. Some people get more and some get less. Some have it easier and some have it harder. But most of us have our share of ups and downs, and I think life would be much easier if you had the perspective to see that and deal with that.

[Anonymous]

I think EVERYONE has issues, kids with issues, relationship/,marriage issues, financial, etc...come on who doesn't!! And of course issues come and go. One month things could be great the following not so much.

BUT I also some hide and some share. i am not one to share and think there are many how look at me and might feel envious of what I have. I SEEM to have it all, a great marriage, good solid kids, a beautiful home and a second home, take great trips,etc....but there are things not so perfect which I will not go into. I do not share my issues with anyone but my mom, sister and a best friend. To everyone else my life is peachy keen. So do not think that what you see on the surface is all there is to the story. Very unlikely not.

[Anonymous]

Easy to say when you are married with kids though PP....

[Anonymous]

I meant poster at 14.02

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not going to have a pity party. I am happily married but my husband is not social and sometimes that makes it really hard (I am very social). We are very comfortable but not incredibly rich, have three good kids (two of whom we have had issues with over the last several years) both in a good place now. Besides the every day stresses that life can bring, I do not have too much to complain about.

I have a friend, who I consider to be a good friend but not in my closest circle. We have bonded recently over our working on a school project together. She is married to a great guy (who at least seems to be very gregarious and super outgoing). They travel more than anyone I have ever met, own a few homes and their main home is incredible,have a major boat. Own a super successful business.Their life seems at least on the surface to be very very glamorous. I dont want to name specifics of things they do but its pretty enviable. Everyone seems to like them and want to be friends with them, they are both quite social.

I don't want to say how many kids they have as I don't want it to be a case where someone will say they know them, but each of their kids seems to be super successful. Everything always seems to be going so well. Is this possible? I mean life just seems so perfect over there and i have to admit though she is SO sweet and I really really like her, I find myself limiting my time with her as I seem to always walk away feeling kind of bad about my life, my family, my successes. Is it possible that someones life could be that good and everything could be that perfect? She has made the effort to do things and honestly I just am not into it because her life makes me feel kind of depressed. Is that weird?

I am sure it makes me out to be a insecure, shallow, jealous person. I am not. I am reasonably happy but somehow her life just makes me feel bad. I think its more the kids successes than the actual "things" they own. Do you or have you know someone who just made you feel kind of bad/low on yourself? How to handle? Her being extremely nice makes this feel like more of a conflict. Kind of torn on this. Help.

You never know what's going on inside the marriage. I knew 2 couples like this. Both looked like Ken and Barbie. Finally I looked them up on the internet and in the county recorded docs. The trustee was going to foreclose on their home, and they had major financial problems going on. In the civil court a credit card company had a lien on them. If they are nice people I wouldn't compare yourself with them and enjoy her company. Just remember you never really know. No one's life is perfect.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to be secretly annoyed by seemingly overly perfect people. If you need to limit your contact with them then do what you need to do. No different than limiting your contact with your friend who won't stop talking politics (no matter what side they're on!), or your friend who is a negative Debbie Downer.

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this has already been quoted but I love it: Comparison is the thief of joy. It's so so true and I have to remind myself of it when I catch myself being negative about situations like this. My life is GREAT and just because someone else seems like they have something amazing going on, I don't want it to diminish my happiness. It's hard, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I think if you are in your thirties, childless, single and not doing great in your career, you feel it more and compare yourself to others who have achieved all those things."

What if you were a little more proactive about finding a mate to procreate with instead of sitting on your ass and waiting for Mr Right to do all the work?

[Anonymous]

Cos it's that easy 15.11. You sound smug.

[froggymom]

I've run across people where I have felt inferior to them for one reason or another.However, when I sat down and contemplated why I was feeling that way, I discovered I was focusing on the wrong things. Try to look at the good things in your life and your blessings. If there are things you would like to change and you can change them work on those things .Remember a person's life can change in a flash. Enjoy what you have.

[Anonymous]

Our kids are at a Big 3, I really hate the term and rarely use it but do to drive home a point We are on the mid to lower end o he average socioeconomic ladder. We both earn work, earn a really nice living built a beautiful home, take nice vacations,etc...our kids want for nothing but we are very average for their school and yet on a national scale would be in the top. 05%.
However seeing all the fancy cars, all the beautiful SAHMs in their yoga outfits and designer bags with seemingly not a care in the world while i am trying to juggle a crazy work schedule with meeting my kids various school commitments, makes me at time envious.
There are families a friend of mine refers to as the ubergroup- every school has them, the wealthiest, most connected, from the outside perfect family whose kids are the sports stars, and belong to the right clubs,etc.......it is easy to look at them and wonder why them and not me. But I would spend so. much energy doing that, that there would be nothing in reserve for me to give my own family.
In other words the little energy i have left would be spent on a family who could not give 2 red cents about me vs my own who loves and needs my attenuation. Water seeks its own level. I do believe that.
Also a footnote, one such family that I always though of as an untouchable recently it came out her husband is battling alocholhimsl and is away to be treated. It was a huge surprise to many. Yet another example that no one is off the hook.