Isolated and overwhelmed

[Anonymous]

My rule - only cry when you leave the meeting.

[Anonymous]

I LOVE this thread!
We should ask Jeff to staple it to the top of the KwSN forum, because it's so positive, so encouraging, so rich with detailed information, resources & most of all insight, that I think that this would be the very first thing that parents of KwSN should read when first finding our supportive little forum.

We all feel very scared, guilty, alone & unsure after diagnosis & far beyond.... but it's the amazing parents who are here to help that can make all of the difference in the world.

(((((( hugs to each one of you & all of your wonderful children ))))))))

[Anonymous]

OP, I am right there with you. It is isolating and so overwhelming. You are a great mom. You are getting your son the best possible help and the best chance to succeed. As a reader/poster on here for more than four years, the overwhelming majority of kids make great progress and gains. It is a different path than you expected or hoped for, but it is still special and can be fun. I like to think of it this way when I am really, really sad (every night at 11 PM. I have to take ambien to sleep ever since we discovered my son's issues.): I can only do so much for my typically developing daughter. I can give her all the opportunities and resources, but parenting kids who are typical usually only results in differences at the margins. They were going to get there anyway barring neglect or abuse. Maybe some kumon or expensive classes might make some edge, but its not likely to change the course of her life. Parenting my son, however, is changing the course of a life. If he were born into a family without education or resources I have no idea of what would become of him. I am changing and shaping his life for the better. And it gives me purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am right there with you. It is isolating and so overwhelming. You are a great mom. You are getting your son the best possible help and the best chance to succeed. As a reader/poster on here for more than four years, the overwhelming majority of kids make great progress and gains. It is a different path than you expected or hoped for, but it is still special and can be fun. I like to think of it this way when I am really, really sad (every night at 11 PM. I have to take ambien to sleep ever since we discovered my son's issues.): I can only do so much for my typically developing daughter. I can give her all the opportunities and resources, but parenting kids who are typical usually only results in differences at the margins. They were going to get there anyway barring neglect or abuse. Maybe some kumon or expensive classes might make some edge, but its not likely to change the course of her life. Parenting my son, however, is changing the course of a life. If he were born into a family without education or resources I have no idea of what would become of him. I am changing and shaping his life for the better. And it gives me purpose.

What a nice perspective. Thanks PP. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My rule - only cry when you leave the meeting.

Yeah I couldnt help myself the first time around and cried in front if the whole meeting but am much better bow at keeping a neutral face and then crying in the car as soon as its over! One day maybe Ill get used to those meetings and not cry anymore but Im still early in the game

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am right there with you. It is isolating and so overwhelming. You are a great mom. You are getting your son the best possible help and the best chance to succeed. As a reader/poster on here for more than four years, the overwhelming majority of kids make great progress and gains. It is a different path than you expected or hoped for, but it is still special and can be fun. I like to think of it this way when I am really, really sad (every night at 11 PM. I have to take ambien to sleep ever since we discovered my son's issues.): I can only do so much for my typically developing daughter. I can give her all the opportunities and resources, but parenting kids who are typical usually only results in differences at the margins. They were going to get there anyway barring neglect or abuse. Maybe some kumon or expensive classes might make some edge, but its not likely to change the course of her life. Parenting my son, however, is changing the course of a life. If he were born into a family without education or resources I have no idea of what would become of him. I am changing and shaping his life for the better. And it gives me purpose.

Amazing perspective. Thanks PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I LOVE this thread!
We should ask Jeff to staple it to the top of the KwSN forum, because it's so positive, so encouraging, so rich with detailed information, resources & most of all insight, that I think that this would be the very first thing that parents of KwSN should read when first finding our supportive little forum.

We all feel very scared, guilty, alone & unsure after diagnosis & far beyond.... but it's the amazing parents who are here to help that can make all of the difference in the world.

(((((( hugs to each one of you & all of your wonderful children ))))))))

This is OP- everyone's responses felt truly genuinely caring and really have been so kind. It is so much appreciated and nice to be able to reach out to others who can relate. Thanks to all!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^op again... meant below average. And going back to that, isnt it so hard to hear your kid described in percentiles and numbers like that? One of the scores, DS was in the .5th percentile. I didnt even know how to respond bc Ive never heard of such a thing and Im like my kid has language delays, major motor planning issues, how can these tests even measure what he knows when he cant motor plan and use language correctly enough to process the questions/tasks? And then I get wrapped up in the why- well why cant he motor plan or use language etc?? Did I not read enough or expose him enough to sensory rich environments, was it that time he fell and had a minor concussion? Was it bc he was breach? Did I not drink enough water when pregnant and maybe that caused him to be breach which caused these problems? My mind races with all these questions and thoughts. Its all so confusing and hurts to now have to think of my DS who was my precious bundle of joy as in the .5th percentile in this or that. Ya know? Trying not to of course but coming off IEP meetings, its hard not to. Sorry for long vents!!!

OP, have you read this article "SuperBabies Don't Cry?"
http://velamag.com/superbabies-dont-cry/

It does a good job of debunking the way that society, and women ourselves, place the blame for everything "abnormal" about our kids on something the mother did wrong. And, even more importantly I think, showing that the idea that everyone should want a "perfect" child reflects a shallow view of humanity and its diversity.

You didn't do anything wrong, you are doing great now, and your child is a precious being including his language delays and motor planning issues.

Hugs!!