Anyone's slacker teen feel entitled to an exciting spring break?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define slacking?

is he failing out of school?

Of course not, he just sits on his ass too much. His friends, inc. the one who invited him, do not sit on their ass. Play a sport, volunteer, get a job, do something, anything. He's lazy and I'm not giving him a $1000 vacation for being lazy.

I think you're being too harsh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he could have shed some guidance on how to get a job or a volunteer position. Clearly your kid is not a self starter, but you might have left too much up to him to figure out in an area where he is obviously weak.

I somehow get the feeling you just don't like your kid much, and that is why the punishment. You wish he was a travel sport type and he's not.

Trust me, I put countless specific activities on a platter, he didn't want to do anything. He preferred to sit on his ass doing nothing for the hours his friends were active after school.

And no, he's not an introvert that prefers to storm through books alone in his room.

[Anonymous]

OP, does your son understand why you are saying no? What explanation does he give for why he thinks your decision is incorrect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, you sound like pretty terrible parents. Not every kid does the same thing, acts the same way, or is interested in the same things. For a year or two, I was the lazy teen. Puberty hit me hard, I was depressed, just unhappy with everything, and didn't want to do anything. I'm glad my parents didn't act like you, taking away the few things I did enjoy like vacations and time with friends. All you are doing is making your kid resent you even more. Your kid could be in a slump and this vacation could be what he needs to get him out of it. But by all means, continue being hard on him. See where that gets you and him. It won't be anywhere good.

Agree completely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, you sound like pretty terrible parents. Not every kid does the same thing, acts the same way, or is interested in the same things. For a year or two, I was the lazy teen. Puberty hit me hard, I was depressed, just unhappy with everything, and didn't want to do anything. I'm glad my parents didn't act like you, taking away the few things I did enjoy like vacations and time with friends. All you are doing is making your kid resent you even more. Your kid could be in a slump and this vacation could be what he needs to get him out of it. But by all means, continue being hard on him. See where that gets you and him. It won't be anywhere good.

I agree. Your approach is the height of bad parenting, OP.
If you were a teacher or boss, you would be accused of being lousy at your job. You need to work with people for everyone to achieve their best. It's not all on him, it's teamwork.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you don't use the words, "lazy", "get off your butt", or "get off your ass" with him directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope you don't use the words, "lazy", "get off your butt", or "get off your ass" with him directly.

Perhaps she hasn't his whole life, and this is the result. Wouldn't surprise me.

[Anonymous]

I was very depressed as a teen (grades 8-10). My parents took away things I enjoyed (wouldn't let me have friends over/go to friends' houses, wouldn't let me participate in my sport) to the point that I was just going to school and spending the rest of the time after school, summer, and weekends alone at home. Yes, I was miserable, lazy, had a messy room...but I see now that I was profoundly depressed, and cutting me off from my friends made it worse. Please don't do this, OP.

[Anonymous]

It's unfortunate for your family that you don't seem to like your kid. You need to work on that and realize that some kids are late bloomers.

My kid stays out of trouble, gets pretty good grades and does one main EC, the only one that really interests him, that doesn't take up too much time. Some of his friends do a lot more in terms of sports and activities. He's 15 and I don't expect him to have a job or spend his weekdays volunteering, even if he had transportation to get to a volunteer position. He spends a fair amount of time sitting around. If I had the money readily available, I would send him on a trip with a friend in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he could have shed some guidance on how to get a job or a volunteer position. Clearly your kid is not a self starter, but you might have left too much up to him to figure out in an area where he is obviously weak.

I somehow get the feeling you just don't like your kid much, and that is why the punishment. You wish he was a travel sport type and he's not.

Trust me, I put countless specific activities on a platter, he didn't want to do anything. He preferred to sit on his ass doing nothing for the hours his friends were active after school.

And no, he's not an introvert that prefers to storm through books alone in his room.

Activities on a platter isn't the "how" if your kid finds it hard to start. I think you have no idea how hard it is to be thirteen. He may very well be a slacker, but I don't think you are re approaching this in a way that reflects his issues and not your issues.

I don't know you and your kid, but your stubborn insistence that you did this right and it is all about your kid.... well let's just say it is only going to get worse for you as your kid progresses into the really hard years of being a teen. They are extremely humbling years to stubborn parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he could have shed some guidance on how to get a job or a volunteer position. Clearly your kid is not a self starter, but you might have left too much up to him to figure out in an area where he is obviously weak.

I somehow get the feeling you just don't like your kid much, and that is why the punishment. You wish he was a travel sport type and he's not.

Trust me, I put countless specific activities on a platter, he didn't want to do anything. He preferred to sit on his ass doing nothing for the hours his friends were active after school.

And no, he's not an introvert that prefers to storm through books alone in his room.

Activities on a platter isn't the "how" if your kid finds it hard to start. I think you have no idea how hard it is to be thirteen. He may very well be a slacker, but I don't think you are re approaching this in a way that reflects his issues and not your issues.

I don't know you and your kid, but your stubborn insistence that you did this right and it is all about your kid.... well let's just say it is only going to get worse for you as your kid progresses into the really hard years of being a teen. They are extremely humbling years to stubborn parents.

He's 16, not 13.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he could have shed some guidance on how to get a job or a volunteer position. Clearly your kid is not a self starter, but you might have left too much up to him to figure out in an area where he is obviously weak.

I somehow get the feeling you just don't like your kid much, and that is why the punishment. You wish he was a travel sport type and he's not.

Trust me, I put countless specific activities on a platter, he didn't want to do anything. He preferred to sit on his ass doing nothing for the hours his friends were active after school.

And no, he's not an introvert that prefers to storm through books alone in his room.

Activities on a platter isn't the "how" if your kid finds it hard to start. I think you have no idea how hard it is to be thirteen. He may very well be a slacker, but I don't think you are re approaching this in a way that reflects his issues and not your issues.

I don't know you and your kid, but your stubborn insistence that you did this right and it is all about your kid.... well let's just say it is only going to get worse for you as your kid progresses into the really hard years of being a teen. They are extremely humbling years to stubborn parents.

Even at 16. My kid was very, very immature at 15. Seriously immature. How many ways was I supposed to punish him for that one simple fact? I don't know if it was OP who answered me or not, but I will assume it is:

* you sound like you don't like your kid and think he is a loser.
* your kid hears that every day in your interactions.
* this will make him less likely not more likely to get off his ass, if that really is the problem.
* this doesn't bode well for your relationship going forward.
* when he looks back on his life, you don't want him to sound like the woman whose parents punished her when she was depressed (I appreciate your candor, PP). She does not look back on her childhood as a period when her parents had her back.

He's 16, not 13.

[Anonymous]

What if a teen is actually a lazy son of a gun? Is that not possible in any of your eyes?

[Anonymous]

Yikes - I'm sorry you're getting all this backlash, OP. I agree with you - you gave your DS the opportunity to earn his spring break and he didn't - therefore he doesn't get to go. Boohoo!! A lot of people posting here are saying, "maybe he's introverted!" "maybe he's depressed!", if he were introverted or depressed he wouldn't WANT to go on this fancy spring break with his extroverted, non-depressed friend, now would he?? He's 16 and yes, lazy, he needs to figure out how to live in the real world - get a job, find a hobby, play a sport, help around the house, anything other than sit on his butt.

[Anonymous]

I think OP's tone here is harsh, but if she uses other phrasing to her son, I think saying no is fine.

I'm an introvert, but I still had activities and work in high school. Not pep club or retail, but I found something I could handle and did it.

And then I went home and sat in my room to decompress.