FIL and seat belts

[Anonymous]

Anyone in a car with my kids has to wear a seatbelt. Period. It is extremely dangerous to the other passengers, he becomes a giant projectile. DH can drive him separately, or he can wear his seatbelt. Nothing personal, those are just the rules. I assume you wouldn't let him smoke in a room with your kids, or let him drive the kids around without car seats, or put a baby to bed with lots of blankets etc. You have to stand up for your kids, even if the risk of an accident is very small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your FIL is old enough to decide if he wants to wear a seat belt. I am sure your children are around other people that do things that you don't want them to do, and you explain to them why things are inappropriate. I am surprised everyone is backing you up. He's an adult.

Wait, what? Wearing a seat belt is the law. You don't get to be "old enough" to decide if you want to do it or not, the law applies to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are visiting from overseas where seat belt use is not common. I am very strict about seat belts and DH has warned me that his FIL has never worn one and that in his culture it would be incredibly disrespectful to make him[b]. I don't want to cause upset but I also don't my DC (9 and 13) riding in a vehicle with an restrained occupant.

OP, see the bold text, from your original post. Does your DH truly have your back, and will your DH stand up to his father if this becomes a scene? You need to ensure, before FIL arrives, that DH will be the one to tell his dad that not wearing a seat belt is not acceptable and must be done every single time. DH, not you, must have this conversation. If DH leaves it to you to do this with his dad, that too should not be acceptable to YOU.

Print out a page with whatever the law or regulation is that says there are fines or points on your driving record if you have an unbelted passenger. Use a highlighter on them. Start with DH telling his dad nicely, "In the U.S. it's the law to wear a seat belt, and here where we live, if an officer sees you do not have on a belt, wife and I -- not you -- will be fined and may have black marks against our driving record or even have to go to court" (fudge that if you must, OP; court's not likely but after enough points, who knows....) If FIL balks, pull the page out of the glove compartment and show him.

I personally think the safety aspect of not letting his body fly into his grandchildren and injuring them in an accident should be more than enough to make FIL buckle up on his own,but it sounds as if he won't see that argument at all, so you may need just to go with the "we will be in legal trouble" argument.

It's worrying that your DH is already trying to set expectations with you by saying it would be "incredibly disrespectful" to ask FIL to wear a belt. Sounds like DH is trying to buffer himself from your being angry when FIL refuses to belt up and DH shrugs and says, "Well, OK, dad, I wish you would, but...." I really hope your DH will not cave when faced with his dad. It's much more disrespectful of every other person in the car (again, his own grandkids) if FIL resists. No belt, no riding.

[Anonymous]

My family is from a country where no one wears seatbelts. Anyone visiting/living here does. We just tell them it's the law, and they do it. I don't think it's ever been an issue, except that sometimes they forget.

It's the law. He has to be buckled in. I don't think this has anything to do with your kids tho, unless he is in charge of them and careless about making sure they're buckled.

[Anonymous]

Is your concern about your FIL wearing his seat belt or not making your kids wear theirs? I wouldn't worry about FIL. He is an adult. But I would just tell him it is a safety factor for you that your children are belted in. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the way to approach this is to say that the driver will have to pay a huge fine and have their car insurance go up if you're caught with an unbuckled passenger.

It's very impolite to ask someone to risk a fine and higher car insurance rates, even if you don't mind the risk.

Your husband needs to get some balls and do the right thing. This is so simple why is he even making excuses.

[Anonymous]

P.S. Sounds like some real great extended house guests. The real considerate kind, not the "my way or the highway" type I have...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your FIL is old enough to decide if he wants to wear a seat belt. I am sure your children are around other people that do things that you don't want them to do, and you explain to them why things are inappropriate. I am surprised everyone is backing you up. He's an adult.

I'm in this camp also. It isn't a fight I'd pick, especially not if FIL is in the backseat. If he's in the passenger seat the damn dinging alert ought to be a sufficient nag.

Actually, no. I was taught in drivers ed that the people in the back seat become missiles and hit the people in the front seat, causing them additional damage. It isn't OK to have people in the back seat unbuckled. I'd prefer FIL in the front seat assuming all the risk himself, and not putting anybody else at risk because of his obstinacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your FIL is old enough to decide if he wants to wear a seat belt. I am sure your children are around other people that do things that you don't want them to do, and you explain to them why things are inappropriate. I am surprised everyone is backing you up. He's an adult.

This.

[Anonymous]

So don't let him ride in the car with your kids. He can walk places or take an uber by himself. Husbands are weak when it comes to their parents. I make the rules when the safety of my children is at risk (and an unbelted passenger flying into my child is a risk).

[Anonymous]

What does dear old FIL do on his airplane ride over? Throw a $hitfit that he is over age 60 and doesn't like nor wear seat belts in the motherland??

He sound selfish and conceited. It also sounds like his relationship with his son is strained or he is constantly guilt tripping his son. Not classy.

[Anonymous]

Maybe get one of those "seat belts must be worn" stickers and put it on the dash in front of the passenger seat. Your husband can just point to it and say that it's the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are visiting from overseas where seat belt use is not common. I am very strict about seat belts and DH has warned me that his FIL has never worn one and that in his culture it would be incredibly disrespectful to make him. I don't want to cause upset but I also don't my DC (9 and 13) riding in a vehicle with an restrained occupant.

Have your ever asked FIL to please buckle up? Start there.

I have many times seen the dynamic between my husband and his mid eastern father where my husband is guessing and guessing at trying to uber-please his father when they visit here. And guess what, FIL is actually easy going. It's my husband that doesn't know how to communicate well with anybody.

Cut the guesswork and ask your request:pls everyone buckle up, it's important and the law.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be too hard on OP's DH. In-law respect is a weird thing.

[Anonymous]

We make my mom sit in the front passenger seat. Because it beeps until you put a seat belt on and the beeping is annoying.