What happened when you stopped picking up after/putting away for your spouse?

[Anonymous]

There were two words that I left out of my marriage vows: "To Obey". He is an adult. I am not his mother and I am not his maid. He understands that, and it works nicely.

[froggymom]

Marriage is a partnership and you both need to work together to make it work. Even if your husband was like this when you got married, it is not too late to make changes. It might be helpful to have a conversation with him about how you are feeling. It is not a blame game or a time to vent. Just be honest about the "home" belonging to both of you and is a reflection on both of you. Don't give up or give in. Keep communicating. Even if you have to work on one or two things at a time, it can be worked out.

[Anonymous]

The answer the the question, "what will happen?" is that your house will become a clutter-strewn wreck.

I saw this play out with my own eyes.

XDH was extremely messy, although our marriage fell apart for other reasons. XDH hated to be bugged to clean up after himself. So I just decided that cleanliness was more important to me than to XDH and it was on me to clean up. That didn't solve the other problems in our marriage, though.

Two years after XDH got his own apartment, the kids hate staying there because it's apparently become really terrible. My teen daughter has spent 1-2 nights there over 2 years (their relationship has other problems though). My 18-year-old son, who has his own issues getting his dishes from the sofa to the sink but knows he should do so, recently called XDH's place "disgusting."

I actually hope XDH finds a really solid woman who is more successful than I was in helping him with his spending (another problem area) and messiness.

[Anonymous]

I stopped sharing a bathroom with DH becuse I was tired of constantly cleaning up after him. When I switched to the hall bath I also stopped cleaning up after him in general. He deals with it by making piles around the house which I relocate to either the garage or his side of the bedroom when they become overwhelming for me to look at. The garage and his side of bedroom is a huge mess. He deals with it a few times a year by boxing it up and stacking the boxes in a corner. His bathroom is gross, there is a black ring on his toilet seat, his trash routinely overflows across the floor. He seems unaffected by it.

This has been going on for years, so he knows no matter how bad it gets I'm not cleaning it for him.