What happened when you stopped picking up after/putting away for your spouse?
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Anonymous
| I posted a few months ago on this because my DH'a laziness/oversight/entitlement (really not sure what it is) drives me nuts on this front. I was raised to clean up after myself and this is something my husband apparently never learned. He'll leave used dishes on the tables, mugs on the coffee table, opened mail on the coffee table, dirty socks everywhere, etc etc. I really need order to function well, but I'm tired of picking up after my husband and asking him to pick up after himself. Isn't that called enabling? Anyway, if you've ever stopped doing this for your spouse, what happened? |
Anonymous
| The house becomes a mess. |
Anonymous
| He hired a housekeeping service. |
Anonymous
Mine, too. Ugh. |
Anonymous
| I became a SAHM because I was tired of pulling all the weight. |
Anonymous
+2. DH and I have differing levels of comfort with mess and sounds like that is your situation, too. I keep 90% of the home tidy, but there are certain areas I leave to him, e.g., floor next to his side of the bed (not visible from rest of bedroom). The piles of clothes, papers etc. that amass are ridiculous. And what's worse is our toddler daughter regularly trips over them! Still, he's not motivated to clean up his area more than biweekly. |
Anonymous
|
Was this an arranged marriage?
Did he suddenly spring this behavior on you after marriage, or has he always been a slob. This is on you. You married a slob. Did you think you could change him? |
Anonymous
| Mine got lazy as the years passed and it was nothing for me to be cleaning around him while he sat his butt on the couch. House became a disaster to the point where I stopped wanting to have people over. With full time work, being a parent and all the other responsibilities I just didn't have time. He didn't want to hire a service because he didn't like strangers in the house. I have no idea why he didn't help (or do anything else to contribute to the household chores). We are separated and awaiting a divorce. And my house is 1000 time cleaner. |
Anonymous
I am a SAHM too, but looking to get back into the workforce. Am hoping he will pick up more slack then, but your post gives me pause. |
Anonymous
It's gotten worse as we've acquired more/moved into a bigger place/had children. Granted, everything is harder with kids but why can't he just pick up his sh*t!? |
Anonymous
| Why people put up with this behavior escapes me. Has he always been this way? Have you always tolerated it? If so, why? Take ownership for the fact that you have been an enabler in his stupid behavior and put your foot down. Don't do a damn thing for this idiot until he cleans up his act. Don't yell and scream. Quietly tell him you are drawing a line in the sand and stick with it. |
Anonymous
Not OP, but I lived with my husband for 2 years before marriage. He was not a slob then by any means. Now, he is exactly like OP's husband. He was able to put in the effort before marriage but couldn't keep that up forever. We also had to live apart for one year of our marriage and his place was disgusting. |
Anonymous
| I am a slob and my wife is not. She picked up after me and complained about it, although I did not care or want her to do so. Things got a lot better when she became a SAHM and we hired weekly housekeeping. I had no desire to change, but I have found I pick after myself now, mostly because I now have gotten used to having a clean house and I want to keep it so. |
Anonymous
| Dh started doing a whole lot more. It was amazing. And he wasn't a jerk about it before, it was just something i always handled. Then things.got busier for me and i couldn't do we much so, without asking, DH started doing more. |
Anonymous
But doesn't bother him |