How to stop comparing to other people's kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel jealous when I hear about other people's kids.

Karla is fascinated by periodic table and has been studying it for hours, Larla love reading Greek mythology, Larla loves to play chess and loves math.

My kid has been fascinated by dolls and loves reading Click magazines which are about 5 years below her reading level and pretty much hates any kind of homework.

How do they raise motivated kids?

I have zero to do with my kid's interests and achievements. I think when parents realize that the competition and comparisons go away. I am not my child. I do not live through her. She has interests and I follow her lead on what books to order and what activities to enroll her. It has zero to do with me and everything to do with the child's personality. Children are individuals just like you and me. Who's responsible for your interests, OP? It's just how and who you are, correct?

Exactly. I was a swimmer and boy was I surprised when my kid didn't takento swimming (and was the very last in her group to learn to swim). But she read before anyone and is highly competitive in a sport I never would have picked. She is her own person.

[Anonymous]

My 14 yr old daughter stayed home and made batches of different colored slime Friday night, while listening to smooth jazz with her cat. I do not consider this a brag. It's just ... what she did.

Sometimes she reads or watches makeup tutorials or makeup hauls, and other times she just reads Instagram and texts her friends. I don't do competition.

[Anonymous]

The way to stop comparing is to redefine success in your own mind first. If you think success means having the most of X, Y, Z qualities, then you are going to compare. However, if success for yourself and your children means being content, socially well adjusted, interested in life, and able to eventually provide for one's self and family, then it takes a lot of pressure off to have certain boxes checked off by a certain age.

I also have read lots of child development material and learned what is age-appropriate. So much of childhood is rushed.

[Anonymous]

OP, here's how you do it. You just....stop. I bet you can tell and feel in your body when those uncomfortable feelings are just starting to bubble up. Observe them almost like you are outside your body and acknowledge them. And then stop thinking them. That's how you do it. And believe me, I've had lots of practice: I have a child who is disabled but is in a full inclusion class at a public elementary school, which means there are a million opportunities everyday to compare her to the others. So I don't. It also helps that she has a chronic medical condition and in the course of receiving treatments, I get to see other kids who are significantly more disabled. So I guess perspective helps, too.

[Anonymous]

I believe it is 80% the kid, 20% the parent. I had my first when I was young and stupid and had no desire to coparent with my ex. Now, I'm dealing with the consequences of a difficult and unmotivated preteen.

On the other hand, my younger children are motivated and advanced for their age but I was much more involved in their upbringing with DH. You make mistakes and you learn from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel jealous when I hear about other people's kids.

Karla is fascinated by periodic table and has been studying it for hours, Larla love reading Greek mythology, Larla loves to play chess and loves math.

My kid has been fascinated by dolls and loves reading Click magazines which are about 5 years below her reading level and pretty much hates any kind of homework.

How do they raise motivated kids?

Wow..and your question after all thai is how do i raise motivated kids?

How about how do I unconditionally love my children so that I'm not constantly comparing them and finding ways they don't measure up?

I say this from my heart. I feel terribly sad for your children. Must be really difficult to have a parent like you.

Maybe it's not that OP doesn't love her child unconditionally. I love my DC unconditionally, but I wish he were more easy going, not because I'm jealous of other people, but because his life would be easier. He does really well in school, but is very sensitive and anxious, which significantly impacts his interaction with others. I think there is a hereditary component to his anxious tendencies. I love him unconditionally, but there are times I would trade his academic accomplishments for a less anxious/the weight of world is on my shoulders personality. We try to give him as many resources as we can to help deal with his sometimes overwhelming anxiety, but I still wish I could just take it off his shoulders.

[Anonymous]

Know that people of 6 year olds studying Latin are lying. Why? Who knows, just take it with a grain(lots of grain) of salt. So many people just overcompensating for something. I met so many of them. For example, this one Dad goes on and on about his teen DD being so great as a freshman at sports and school, and then I find out she is 16 years old and a freshman while my 15 year old is a sophomore with a full AP and Honors load, who (oh horror) has B is some subjects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel jealous when I hear about other people's kids.

Karla is fascinated by periodic table and has been studying it for hours, Larla love reading Greek mythology, Larla loves to play chess and loves math.

My kid has been fascinated by dolls and loves reading Click magazines which are about 5 years below her reading level and pretty much hates any kind of homework.

How do they raise motivated kids?

Wow..and your question after all thai is how do i raise motivated kids?

How about how do I unconditionally love my children so that I'm not constantly comparing them and finding ways they don't measure up?

I say this from my heart. I feel terribly sad for your children. Must be really difficult to have a parent like you.

That was mean and unnecessary. Maybe you have it easy with your kids at the moment, but everyone struggles at some point and hopefully when that happens to you, you'll learn some humility.

Totally agree that that was mean and unnecessary.