How to stop comparing to other people's kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know about elementary school yet but I have to stop myself from comparing my 3 year old to one particular girl in his class who is extraordinarily advanced. The other kids will be doing small shape puzzles and she'll be doing 50-piece jigsaws. Correctly and quickly. Or they'll be "studying" planets and most of the kids will just parrot the words (we're looking at planets and moon) while she will discourse on how you can tell the planets apart, how you get between them in a spaceship, what astronauts eat, etc. She's incredibly verbal, appears to be very physically coordinated, and is a sweet and compliant kid to boot. I am pretty sure she will turn out to be highly gifted at a minimum. I never see her parents so I don't have to hear them brag, but it's obvious from any interaction that she is worlds away from my own kid and I have to stop myself from thinking about it. I love my son tremendously but it's hard not to wonder what it's like to raise a child like that. Especially after I've told him to do something 5 times and he's ignored me.

My DD may have looked like that to other parents in her 3yr old class but she was also a very late reader and refused to participate in any group extracurricular activities like sports, dance, etc. until late in ES when she took an interest in something on her own. Some of her maturity was also because she was actually 4 for most of that class (just missed the grade cut off). Every child poses challenges for their parents. For me, letting go of some idea of what kids are supposed to do in our UMC culture took a while. When all the other kids are on soccer teams and going to dance class you can start to wonder why your kid can't just go along with it and would rather spend most of her time on her own studying reptiles and looking for bugs in the yard. I greatly appreciate her strengths now but as a parent it was an adjustment.

[Anonymous]

We had an early reader with severe sensory issues. It used to take hours to get her dressed in the morning, lots of screaming, and she usually ended up wearing this ugly ass fleece sweatsuit because it was the only thing that didn't send her into flying fits of rage.

So yes, they gave her something to read aloud at her preschool graduation and other moms may have been jealous, but in the end she didn't turn out to be some great genius and I ended up going part-time for a couple of years at work because she sucked up so much energy. I remember feeling really sad that she barely let me brush her hair -- when I saw all the other girls with the beautiful braids and the cute little dresses. It's so true. You really have no idea what's going on in anyone else's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had an early reader with severe sensory issues. It used to take hours to get her dressed in the morning, lots of screaming, and she usually ended up wearing this ugly ass fleece sweatsuit because it was the only thing that didn't send her into flying fits of rage.

So yes, they gave her something to read aloud at her preschool graduation and other moms may have been jealous, but in the end she didn't turn out to be some great genius and I ended up going part-time for a couple of years at work because she sucked up so much energy. I remember feeling really sad that she barely let me brush her hair -- when I saw all the other girls with the beautiful braids and the cute little dresses. It's so true. You really have no idea what's going on in anyone else's house.

Thanks for sharing, PP! My daughter is also reading two grades above the grade level and does logic puzzles for fun, but brushing her hair is a twice-a-day ordeal; she also refuses to wear dresses and lives in sweatpants. When she was little I tried to force her to wear cute little dresses (we had so many hanging in her closet that she only wore once, upon my 'suggestion') but now that she's in late ES, I gave up. DD hasn't been diagnosed with any sensory issues, but she's in counseling for mild anxiety.

And, just like you, I see all those 'fashion-conscious' girls with neatly braided hair on our bus stop, and I do feel slightly sad.. and then I immediately kick myself for that feeling. After all, we need to love and appreciate the children we have, not the ones we wished we'd had. But it's still hard not to compare yours with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel jealous when I hear about other people's kids.

Karla is fascinated by periodic table and has been studying it for hours, Larla love reading Greek mythology, Larla loves to play chess and loves math.

My kid has been fascinated by dolls and loves reading Click magazines which are about 5 years below her reading level and pretty much hates any kind of homework.

How do they raise motivated kids?

I have zero to do with my kid's interests and achievements. I think when parents realize that the competition and comparisons go away. I am not my child. I do not live through her. She has interests and I follow her lead on what books to order and what activities to enroll her. It has zero to do with me and everything to do with the child's personality. Children are individuals just like you and me. Who's responsible for your interests, OP? It's just how and who you are, correct?

This is such great advice!

[Anonymous]

This thread is such a great reminder that we never know the whole picture and that while another kid may have or be something you envy because your own kid is not like this, it's possible that kid isn't like your kid in some way that you aren't recognizing. The grass is always greener.

[Anonymous]

I think it's hard not to be wistful when you see kids who are the way you "wish" your kids were. In other words, I have a very active child. I was a very quiet bookworm, loved to draw, still love crafts and books. My DS believes these things are torture. He swims, plays hockey, soccer, and nerf gun battles.

I love him very much--he's a very funny and sweet little guy, he and I watch some movies together for our quieter times together and we build legos together. But I sometimes see kids who like doing crafts or drawing and I wish I could share that with him.

Ah well, as everyone says, the important thing is to recognize what you're thinking to yourself and to remind yourself that no child is all things and we all wish the best for our kids. Whoever they are and whoever they are becoming.

[Anonymous]

OP, your DD will be happily married and a good looking mom, while Larla and Karla will be looking to partner and have a kid desperately later in life, or maybe they will pair up with some weird guys, or...whatever.
Just follow her leads!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel jealous when I hear about other people's kids.

Karla is fascinated by periodic table and has been studying it for hours, Larla love reading Greek mythology, Larla loves to play chess and loves math.

My kid has been fascinated by dolls and loves reading Click magazines which are about 5 years below her reading level and pretty much hates any kind of homework.

How do they raise motivated kids?

Wow..and your question after all thai is how do i raise motivated kids?

How about how do I unconditionally love my children so that I'm not constantly comparing them and finding ways they don't measure up?

I say this from my heart. I feel terribly sad for your children. Must be really difficult to have a parent like you.

[Anonymous]

The motivated stuff just happens. My kids were both ES geeks that didn't get into sports or traditional academics until MS/HS and now they are smart/accomplished/sophisticated well adjusted older teens (no anxiety or anti depression meds or drama, lots of friends but not into hard partying sexting crowd, etc.). Everybody has their own path - if you can make the path to adolescence a happy one for your child it will lead to good things. If your kid is sweet, well adjusted and content you are doing a great job (and somewhere out there another parent is asking themselves how you do it:0!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel jealous when I hear about other people's kids.

Karla is fascinated by periodic table and has been studying it for hours, Larla love reading Greek mythology, Larla loves to play chess and loves math.

My kid has been fascinated by dolls and loves reading Click magazines which are about 5 years below her reading level and pretty much hates any kind of homework.

How do they raise motivated kids?

Wow..and your question after all thai is how do i raise motivated kids?

How about how do I unconditionally love my children so that I'm not constantly comparing them and finding ways they don't measure up?

I say this from my heart. I feel terribly sad for your children. Must be really difficult to have a parent like you.

That was mean and unnecessary. Maybe you have it easy with your kids at the moment, but everyone struggles at some point and hopefully when that happens to you, you'll learn some humility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel jealous when I hear about other people's kids.

Karla is fascinated by periodic table and has been studying it for hours, Larla love reading Greek mythology, Larla loves to play chess and loves math.

My kid has been fascinated by dolls and loves reading Click magazines which are about 5 years below her reading level and pretty much hates any kind of homework.

How do they raise motivated kids?

Wow..and your question after all thai is how do i raise motivated kids?

How about how do I unconditionally love my children so that I'm not constantly comparing them and finding ways they don't measure up?

I say this from my heart. I feel terribly sad for your children. Must be really difficult to have a parent like you.

That was mean and unnecessary. Maybe you have it easy with your kids at the moment, but everyone struggles at some point and hopefully when that happens to you, you'll learn some humility.

Actually i dont have it easy. Homework is a struggle and my kids don't study the periodic table, read greek mythology, or play chess. The only thing they like about school is PE, lunch, and recess. I've never sat around and coveted other people's kids love for math the periodic table or other such nonsense.

What is mean and truly unecessary is comparing your kids and coming to the conclusion that they come up short. If having love for my kids without condition or comparison is mean and uneceeary, I'm guilty as charged.

You know what makes me happy? Having kind kids who were born healthy. So many people have REAL problrms to worry about. The OP is pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel jealous when I hear about other people's kids.

Karla is fascinated by periodic table and has been studying it for hours, Larla love reading Greek mythology, Larla loves to play chess and loves math.

My kid has been fascinated by dolls and loves reading Click magazines which are about 5 years below her reading level and pretty much hates any kind of homework.

How do they raise motivated kids?

Wow..and your question after all thai is how do i raise motivated kids?

How about how do I unconditionally love my children so that I'm not constantly comparing them and finding ways they don't measure up?

I say this from my heart. I feel terribly sad for your children. Must be really difficult to have a parent like you.

That was mean and unnecessary. Maybe you have it easy with your kids at the moment, but everyone struggles at some point and hopefully when that happens to you, you'll learn some humility.

Actually i dont have it easy. Homework is a struggle and my kids don't study the periodic table, read greek mythology, or play chess. The only thing they like about school is PE, lunch, and recess. I've never sat around and coveted other people's kids love for math the periodic table or other such nonsense.

What is mean and truly unecessary is comparing your kids and coming to the conclusion that they come up short. If having love for my kids without condition or comparison is mean and uneceeary, I'm guilty as charged.

You know what makes me happy? Having kind kids who were born healthy. So many people have REAL problrms to worry about. The OP is pathetic.

Totally unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel jealous when I hear about other people's kids.

Karla is fascinated by periodic table and has been studying it for hours, Larla love reading Greek mythology, Larla loves to play chess and loves math.

My kid has been fascinated by dolls and loves reading Click magazines which are about 5 years below her reading level and pretty much hates any kind of homework.

How do they raise motivated kids?

Wow..and your question after all thai is how do i raise motivated kids?

How about how do I unconditionally love my children so that I'm not constantly comparing them and finding ways they don't measure up?

I say this from my heart. I feel terribly sad for your children. Must be really difficult to have a parent like you.

That was mean and unnecessary. Maybe you have it easy with your kids at the moment, but everyone struggles at some point and hopefully when that happens to you, you'll learn some humility.

Actually i dont have it easy. Homework is a struggle and my kids don't study the periodic table, read greek mythology, or play chess. The only thing they like about school is PE, lunch, and recess. I've never sat around and coveted other people's kids love for math the periodic table or other such nonsense.

What is mean and truly unecessary is comparing your kids and coming to the conclusion that they come up short. If having love for my kids without condition or comparison is mean and uneceeary, I'm guilty as charged.

You know what makes me happy? Having kind kids who were born healthy. So many people have REAL problrms to worry about. The OP is pathetic.

Totally unnecessary.

And, ironically, also pathetic in its own way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just took my 8 year old to the market. He whined the whole hour before we left, and sulked in the car because he didn't want to go. While we were there, though, he busied himself by playing with a rubik's cube he had found in my car. He will never complete it, but he was so intense with you would never know. We passed a dad shopping whose two kids were arguing and generally being awful. I saw the dad stare at my quiet rubik's-cube-doing son. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be weird, but what I wanted to say to that dad was "Don't worry. You should have seen him 10 minutes ago. What you are seeing now is totally misleading."

And my kid is great, BTW. Love him to pieces.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and hear a lot from other parents. Sometimes I think they brag more to me because they think I will be impressed. I secretly roll my eyes when I hear parents of my children's friends brag in conversations about STEM and how far ahead they are in reading in math. It gets really bad if you are in FCPS around 2nd and 3rd with AAP.

All of my children have strengths and weaknesses in academics and sports. Don't compare to others, especially not their siblings even though that can be hard.

A favorite activity in the summer is to still turn over big rocks to find bugs, just like when they were toddlers. That's kids being kids and it is wonderful.