Moving from private to public-Hold back a year or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to the school and find out your options. Then ask the opinion of his current teacher and the school he would be going to in terms of their experience with this kind of thing. Then you will have to do what you think will be best based on knowing your kid. I wonder if you might also be able to start him in second grade and see how things go, and if they don't go well after a period of time, move him down before the school year gets to far in.

I have a kid (6th grade) who is young for his age and also young on his sports teams. But he has always been mature and advanced so it has never been an issue for him.

I have a kid with a late August birthday. We started on time in his first school district, which meant he turned five the day before kindergarten started.

He was very advanced academically (one of two kindergartners out of about 120 placed into the small gifted program) but small for his age. In the early grades he was immature compared to his classmates (K & 1st). Late 1st through early 5th he was more mature than his classmates and seemed to be a leader, both socially and academically, so we thoughtnit was a good choice. But then, about a semester into fifth, the other kids (now turning 11 & 12) seemed to also turn into teenagers overnight. He was still an innocent little kid and was SO behind socially. Those grades were very, very rough for him.

Middle school was actuakky fine, and now in high school he has founf his place (but is still behind a bit socially, can't drive for a year after his classmates so behind on that, looks younger so girls are not interested, etc).

I think it was a good decision due to academics, but socially he has has some rough spots being the youngest in his grade.

If your kid struggles socially, and is not an exceptional student academically, I would recommend putting him in the age appropriate grade when he switches to public.

[Anonymous]

Grade retention is a severe intervention and is almost never indicated. Move him on to second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd put him in the grade that his age range falls in. Maybe his social problems are because hes too immature for the grade he's in. I have a 5th grader and having social skill problems is a much bigger problem than academic problems. Doesn't matter how great he does academically, if he feels like nobody likes him and feels crappy about himself, nothing else will fall in place. Kids dont get kinder as they get older, quite the opposite. At this age, developing social skills trump everything.

This post has good advice. I think it's more important for him to be placed with the correct age group. He will be more socially comfortable and thus able to do better academically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not put him in second grade. Social stuff for boys is really hard. I don't know why anyone would intentionally want to be the youngest boy in the class

Because the choice for this family is either he's the youngest in his class (maybe) or he REPEATS A GRADE. I don't know why anyone would intentionally have their child repeat a grade. To avoid being the youngest? This is creating problems that don't exist. What if you moved from a county in VA with a Sept 30 cutoff to one in Maryland with a Sept 1, and the kid's birthday is Sept 20? Would you have them repeat, just to be with kids that are exactly their age? He might not even be the youngest in 2nd grade--other kids move to new schools, too. This isn't a move from one country to another, with completely different systems. It's private school to public school. Topics and skills covered in private first grade are likely very similar to the ones covered in public first grade. It's ridiculous to have him repeat first grade simply to avoid being the youngest. If he has social issues, then deal with them. Repeating a grade is not an effective way to accomplish this.

Of course he's not ready for second grade right now--he just started the second half of first grade. He has 6 months before the new school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd put him in the grade that his age range falls in. Maybe his social problems are because hes too immature for the grade he's in. I have a 5th grader and having social skill problems is a much bigger problem than academic problems. Doesn't matter how great he does academically, if he feels like nobody likes him and feels crappy about himself, nothing else will fall in place. Kids dont get kinder as they get older, quite the opposite. At this age, developing social skills trump everything.

This post has good advice. I think it's more important for him to be placed with the correct age group. He will be more socially comfortable and thus able to do better academically.

The problem is there is correct age group. He is either going to be younger or older with few kids in his age group (this was the only advantage when we went private as there were numerous fall birthdays so there was a true age group). My kid is either always going to be the youngest or oldest. Being the youngest, he learns to keep up academically and socially. Given his genetics he may always be small so even if we held him back, he still might be the smallest either way. That logic does not work. As for social skills, some kids will do better being the oldest and some being the youngest. If a child is able to rise to the challenge, having them the youngest with more mature kids gives them the example and they follow that. Put them with younger kids and they act younger. We've tried it both ways before pushing ahead.

[Anonymous]

I would keep him on his current track. Allowing him to be overly bored will contribute negatively to his behavior. The public school can work with him on his social skills. He won't be the only one. He can work with a behavior or occupational therapist and the school psychologist on appropriate behavior. Not a big deal, particularly for a boy. He can attend Lunch Bunch with other kids in similar positions, where they can put into practice what they were taught regarding their behavior/social skills. Most kids really enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

I would put him in the grade which matches his age. It might appear as though he is bored initially, but experience shows that he would better adapt to this class and would eventually be at an equal stage with those in his class.

[Anonymous]

Here's a thought to consider: I don't think I've met anyone who redshirted/held a child back and regretted it. I HAVE, however, met parents who opted not to do this and did regret their decision.

I think putting him in his new school system's age-appropriate group (going by the new system's rules) is the way to go but you know best.

Also, have you asked your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely put him in 2nd grade. If you already have him in social skills class that is the type of intensive social instruction he needs. He's not going to get that just by being with younger students. Don't underestimate being bored academically. If he's bored his social issues may be worse.

I meant to add, I am a former elementary teacher

+1

I would have him continue on his current track. Just curious -- what's wrong with his social skills?

OP here. His social issues involve not picking up social cues from others very well, talking too loudly, and not being aware of his physicality in the space around him (e.g., will stand way too close to strangers). He has good levels of empathy and emotional regulation, though.

It seems that the commenters are fairly evenly split on the matter. I am going to contact the school district to see whether I even have a choice, but I am leaning towards sending him to second grade, if possible. I am worried that his social issues may be worse if he's bored academically, based on what we've seen with him in the past. If he is 18 months or so younger than people he might play sports with, that just isn't a huge deal to me.

I am curious why your child sees an occupational therapist for this. Occupational therapists do not receive training in social skills in their schooling. This is much more the realm of the speech language pathologist. Maybe you would see more improvement if you receive services from a provider who is a specialist in the area of communication. Everything that you mentioned as areas of concern relate to communication.

[Anonymous]

My son was somewhat in your situation; due to a change in circumstances during my DS's last preschool year we ended up going to a school different from the one originally planned where the cutoff date was later in the year. In other words, he wasn't old enough for the first school for K but would have gone to K in the second school, so he was unintentionally redshirted. He's now much older and though it wasn't planned, I'm glad that it worked out the way it did so far. I also think I stressed overly much about it and he would have been fine either way. My DS is happy that he's in the grade he's in and not a year older. He likes being one of the oldest. He probably would have been fine as one of the youngest, too, though.

The one thing I would suggest is that if you do keep him back, explain your decision using neutral, date-based terms, not in terms of "readiness." One thing I am glad about is that we can honestly tell DS that he was held back because of the difference in date cutoffs between the schools, not because we felt that he wasn't ready for kindergarten. It gives him good ammunition against meanness from other kids. If you read on DCUM you can see there are a few parents on here are nasty towards kids who have been redshirted, and their kids pick up on that. Sometimes children use relative age as a source of meanness. My DS is generally left alone but over the years he's told me stories about various kids trying to give him a hard time because he was one of the older ones in the class. I think it comes from their parents. One of the meanest kids in DS's younger grades was one of the younger kids who had definitely been told how smart he was by his parents a few too many times. That kid went after the older ones based on age. My DS was able to shrug it off, but I think having a neutral "The dates changed with the change in schools" explanation for his age relative to the others helped his confidence. If you have your DS repeat, I would phrase it that you're following the dates of the school and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Op- how did you find the social skills classes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's a thought to consider: I don't think I've met anyone who redshirted/held a child back and regretted it. I HAVE, however, met parents who opted not to do this and did regret their decision.

I think putting him in his new school system's age-appropriate group (going by the new system's rules) is the way to go but you know best.

Also, have you asked your son?

We did. Child ended up skipping a grade and was much happier. Huge mistake.

[Anonymous]

Please meet with the school and let them advise you. We switched from private to public in first grade and I thought my son would be much farther ahead than he actually was.

[Anonymous]

Kids get crabby when they are re-doing work they already know. Put him in the grade he should be in academically. Between the occupational therapist and just growing up, he'll be fine socially even if it takes him a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's a thought to consider: I don't think I've met anyone who redshirted/held a child back and regretted it.

I have met many. Boredom/disengagement/behavioral problems. "No regrets" claims are mostly holdback parents reassuring themselves and each other.