What to do about my rude teen?

[Anonymous]

Eh, I skipped most of the last semester of my senior year. I was already admitted to college. We had block scheduling, and my first class was AP English. Then band & French IV, which didn't affect graduation, and an empty 4th period. I can't count type number of times I just left after English. I eventually dropped French IV and only hand 2 classes that semester.

Long story short, let him learn how to be an adult and suffer the consequences of his decision. In my case, I had to re-take French in college. Big whoop.

Today I'm a college professor who still believes that skipping school is good for the soul.

[Anonymous]

But is she required to do anything when she's at home or just party with friends who are also visiting home and come and go at will, on your dime? I suspect this is the case, as it has been with so many kids I know. The minute something is required of them, even presence at family gatherings, they get nasty and are especially bad once they move back in after college internships fail to result in jobs.

She took over some of her old chores from her younger brother during winter break. She spent a reasonable amount of time with her best friends who she hadn't seen for months (she goes to college far away), a very small amount of time partying (I wasn't really going to make a 19 year old spend New Years Eve with me), some time working, and plenty of time with her family and was completely pleasant about it all. I didn't give her any money for anything.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- thank you for all the great advice, wisdom, and shared experience. It helps to know that this seems rather typical. I decided to move on and we had a very pleasant time yesterday. I need to remind myself (often!) that he is a very good kid and remember to tell him that too (often!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like pretty normal mid-senior year behavior from a 17/18 year old. My daughter asked to stay home from school sometimes during senior year and sometimes I let her (or if she had a headache, I'd tell her to take some advil, give her a note, and tell her to go in after first period). Nothing terrible happened. She isn't skipping classes in college (because she doesn't schedule them for 7:30 in the morning!)

The increasing rudeness is just part of separating and getting ready to leave the house later this year. I mostly ignored it and made the most of my time with my DD during the many times when she wasn't feeling stressed and moody. She would normally apologize if she said something truly rude and that was enough for me.

I have several friends whose kids started this and kept it up through college and well beyond. You need to let him know you expect civil, adult behavior or he will be punished - like a child. Read George Will's recent column on entitled behavior from college students. It hits the mark.

My kid is a much happier, much more civil person in college - she just really hated high school and the atmosphere there. Taking WiFi away from an 18 year old seems really petty and would probably just make things worse.

But is she required to do anything when she's at home or just party with friends who are also visiting home and come and go at will, on your dime? I suspect this is the case, as it has been with so many kids I know. The minute something is required of them, even presence at family gatherings, they get nasty and are especially bad once they move back in after college internships fail to result in jobs.

I don't know for sure, but OP described her DS this way:

is generally a good "family citizen" -- takes care of things when we ask him to, watches his younger sibling without complaint when asked, keeps in touch when out , reasonably likes spending time with us etc

so it doesn't sound like your concerns are on the mark here.