I think it's foolish for women to live and have children with men who won't marry them

[Anonymous]

Both of my nieces have children with men that won't marry them. One has 2 kids with the same man, one has 4 from different fathers.

As long as they don't hit me up for money, I don't care how they live their lives. Both are on the slow side anyway so that may explain some of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's foolish for women to judge what other women do.

Yup. OP, do you also use the terms "wedlock" and "bastards"?

[Anonymous]

I think it's natural to worry about her, but at this point she is kind of stuck, since she has a child with him and doesn't work. Her options are kind of limited if she can't support herself. Does she plan to go back to work at some point?

I think all she can do is make sure she's taken care of if something happens to him. She needs to be the beneficiary of an insurance plan, at the least.

[Anonymous]

What's the difference if they're married or not? Their relationship could be stronger than some married couples. If you are truly worried about your friend and want to tell her something, tell her to get a job. Other than that she's an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who wants to marry her partner of fourteen years, but he won't budge. They've lived together for five years and have a child together. She doesn't work. I worry about what would happen to her if (God forbid) their relationship doesn't work out. Am I wrong?

You should be.

Women who have kids with partners and no legal agreement are just screwing themselves over.

This 24-year-old just lost out on a multi-million dollar pay out because she didn't get married to the father of the baby she's carrying - http://people.com/celebrity/maria-arias-grieves-at-memorial-service-for-boyfriend-jose-fernandez/

I don't even know if its legal to claim child support from a dead man's estate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who wants to marry her partner of fourteen years, but he won't budge. They've lived together for five years and have a child together. She doesn't work. I worry about what would happen to her if (God forbid) their relationship doesn't work out. Am I wrong?

Does she know that being unmarried without paying into Medicare and SS that she'll be in for a huge surprise later in life. Medicare is required by all insurance companies at age 65. If not she's paying huge bill. She's wasting her best years for earning income. I hope she has a good plan for the future.

[Anonymous]

+1 A lot of people don't realize that about Medicare until it's to late. If a spouse doesn't qualify for it because she didn't work long enough, she/he gets it instead through spouses plan.

[Anonymous]

If you are a successful woman with a solid career, finances, and future prospects and can easily support your children without outside assistance, then being married is less important. You don't need the legal and financial protections that often come with marriage.

But this is an class issue and a class divide as well. Many if not most of us know of at least someone who stayed with a long term boyfriend who vaguely promised "marriage" someday and even had children, but the marriage never happened and after many years the relationship broke up and yep, the woman got screwed financially. Working and middle class women have a lot more to lose by not being married to their partners. Upper class women and successful professional women, far less so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a successful woman with a solid career, finances, and future prospects and can easily support your children without outside assistance, then being married is less important. You don't need the legal and financial protections that often come with marriage.

But this is an class issue and a class divide as well. Many if not most of us know of at least someone who stayed with a long term boyfriend who vaguely promised "marriage" someday and even had children, but the marriage never happened and after many years the relationship broke up and yep, the woman got screwed financially. Working and middle class women have a lot more to lose by not being married to their partners. Upper class women and successful professional women, far less so.

I disagree. It's not just about the finances. The children also benefit from having a father.

[Anonymous]

It is all about the finances, PP. We're talking about parents who live together and raise their kids together, but are not legally married. That means the kids have a father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the difference if they're married or not? Their relationship could be stronger than some married couples. If you are truly worried about your friend and want to tell her something, tell her to get a job. Other than that she's an adult.

are you really that stupid?

[Anonymous]

All of you people who are criticizing Op for "judging" her friend for "choosing" this haven't read the OP. Her friend chooses to get married and wants to. It's the father that doesn't. She can't force him to marry and it's not her choice to not be married. Op is simply worried for her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of these "foolish" women, except I'm the one who doesn't want to get married. A wedding sounds like a nightmare to me, and divorce is expensive. We own a house together, have a child together, have been together for nearly a decade, his mother lives with us -- the only thing we don't have is a legal piece of paper. I'm not sure we need one. We might do a courthouse wedding one of these days but maybe we won't. It just feels unnecessary. I have a career and can provide (more meagerly, admittedly) for myself and our child, and I am the sole beneficiary of his life insurance as he is for mine. He would pay child support if we split. So we have those bases covered.

I find it highly judgmental and obnoxious when the women and men on this board are so condescending to those who choose not to marry their long-term partners. Glass houses, people.

Know a couple like this and the man has been cheating with several women since day one. I wonder how she doesn't know and also wonder what will happen if she ever finds out. Its scary.

[Anonymous]

It's funny how these marriage less families have become the new normal. Pretty sad for society not to mention the kids. Sorry but I'll keep my married life.

[Anonymous]

The only thing that's foolish is her not having a job, so that she can support herself financially if need be. This point has little to do with marriage, since many married SAHMs also get screwed in the event of a divorce.