If you show up at a date and are IMMEDIATELY not feeling it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but I would still bail. Going on a date with someone you know will result in nothing is also a waste of time and rude.

Just because you know that you aren't going to date the person doesn't mean that it isn't worthwhile to spend a meal and chitchat. Be polite, talk about local news, local events, whatever you had planned to talk about when you thought there was the potential for a connection. Finish the meal, then say something pleasant about meeting them and go on your way. Sharing a friendly meal with someone is not a waste of time. It's sad that people only feel that spending time with another person is worth their while if there is a future relationship.

Totally, because that is direct and doesn't send mixed signals at all. I think what you've described is a huge waste of time for both parties involved.

Well, it may be a waste of time for you or for a person you go on a date with, but for most people, a meal with pleasant conversation is not a waste of time. Nor should it be.

[Anonymous]

A guy did this to me once. He was rude, but at least he didn't waste my time. He did offer to walk me home, which was weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's rude to just leave.

+1 very ungracious. I feel your pain - I've had many dates like this - but it is very inconsiderate to just leave someone right off - that's a kind of mean rejection.

I adopted the following to minimize the potential "pain":

- first meeting to determine "chemistry" (in person attraction) is short - one drink or coffee - by nature.
- first meeting is cheap for both of us if dutch or for me (guy) if not (I am fine with either).

Low investment in time and cost for both parties, so if it doesn't work out, it's not a big loss for either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once arrived at a date and the guy was wearing a wedding ring
I told him this wasn't going to work for me and walked right out.

And if he was divorced but just liked the ring?

First impressions can often be correct but, keeping an open mind and having enough manners to finish the date never killed anyone. Who knows, by the end of date, you may discover your initial impression was off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...is it rude to just leave? I don't want to have to sit there for two hours feeling awkward, and in a way I feel like the other person wouldn't want their time wasted either.

Come on, be a sport. You owe him at least a handjob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once arrived at a date and the guy was wearing a wedding ring
I told him this wasn't going to work for me and walked right out.

And if he was divorced but just liked the ring?

First impressions can often be correct but, keeping an open mind and having enough manners to finish the date never killed anyone. Who knows, by the end of date, you may discover your initial impression was off.

Or a widower?

[Anonymous]

I have never left during the first few minutes of a date, but there were times that I probably should have. So I now give myself permission to do that if 1) they're photo or something else was clear misrepresentation; or 2) their behavior during the first few minutes is so poor as to be a clear deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

I once had a first date that was going horrible at first but turned a new leaf after about four or five drinks - kept the date going and we ended up sleeping together that night (and I never called her again).

So, you never know how it's going to turn out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but I would still bail. Going on a date with someone you know will result in nothing is also a waste of time and rude.

Just because you know that you aren't going to date the person doesn't mean that it isn't worthwhile to spend a meal and chitchat. Be polite, talk about local news, local events, whatever you had planned to talk about when you thought there was the potential for a connection. Finish the meal, then say something pleasant about meeting them and go on your way. Sharing a friendly meal with someone is not a waste of time. It's sad that people only feel that spending time with another person is worth their while if there is a future relationship.

Couldn't have said it better. The other person is a freaking human being. Show some respect because they probably were looking forward to the date and spent extra time getting ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once had a first date that was going horrible at first but turned a new leaf after about four or five drinks - kept the date going and we ended up sleeping together that night (and I never called her again).

So, you never know how it's going to turn out.

Gee, you sound like a real prize.

[Anonymous]

I've slept with guys I haven't been attracted to simply because they were nice and I felt sorry for them. Lie back and think of England.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've slept with guys I haven't been attracted to simply because they were nice and I felt sorry for them. Lie back and think of England.

Congrats! Your mom must be so proud of your standards.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me years ago. I was immediately completely unattracted to him but decided to have dinner. He was one of the funniest and most entertaining dates. I didn't respond to the post date emails but always felt kind of bad about it. I hope he ended up finding someone nicer and less shallow than I was.

[Anonymous]

Offer him sex anyway. That's what you really want.

[Anonymous]

I try to make first meetings a coffee or something like that. If neither of us are feeling it, we can sip a beverage and make small talk for a bit, then politely go our separate ways. If there is some chemistry, we can sit and talk or do something else.