Parents overstaying visit and needing to be entertained

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post made me laugh because the exact same thing happened with my mom at my DD's baptism. She doesn't drive or walk, won't share bathrooms, and won't stay in hotels. She sulked and pouted because she couldn't sit with us in the pew for babies and godparents/parents at mass, and had to sit with the rest of the family. The bathroom adjacent to our guest room is also the main floor bathroom, and she created all sorts of drama because she was anxious about having to share "her" bathroom when the rest of the family came over for brunch after mass. The worst part of the visit was that she took 2 hours to get ready every morning and never seemed to be aware of how to use subtraction to estimate when to begin getting ready for a predetermined departure time. DD is older now and no matter what new boundaries I set my mom weasels around them and I have to create different ones for our next interaction.

we are clearly long-lost cousins.

Yup, that's what untreated ADHD and anxiety will do to someone. No sense of time, and irrational need to have safe routines and places.

[Anonymous]

Also, it is fine to tell them that you prefer the earlier flight out on Tues. That way, if the flight gets delayed you (and they) won't be dealing with it late at night.

If you personally can't take them to/from the airport ask one of your other relatives or a friend to help out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post made me laugh because the exact same thing happened with my mom at my DD's baptism. She doesn't drive or walk, won't share bathrooms, and won't stay in hotels. She sulked and pouted because she couldn't sit with us in the pew for babies and godparents/parents at mass, and had to sit with the rest of the family. The bathroom adjacent to our guest room is also the main floor bathroom, and she created all sorts of drama because she was anxious about having to share "her" bathroom when the rest of the family came over for brunch after mass. The worst part of the visit was that she took 2 hours to get ready every morning and never seemed to be aware of how to use subtraction to estimate when to begin getting ready for a predetermined departure time. DD is older now and no matter what new boundaries I set my mom weasels around them and I have to create different ones for our next interaction.

we are clearly long-lost cousins.

Yup, that's what untreated ADHD and anxiety will do to someone. No sense of time, and irrational need to have safe routines and places.

But Op's parents have actually asked if they should stay in a hotel. They have actually asked which flight time would be the most convenient for Op.

Op just needs to Spit.It.Out. Yes! Mom and Dad, if you could stay in a hotel this time that would be great, my house is going to be packed. Thank you for offering that! And please book the earlier flight out on Tuesday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why it is so difficult for a grown adult (you) to open your mouth and tell your parents exactly what you're telling us. The problem is you, not them.

Because op thinks speaking up like an adult to her narcissistic parents is rude. Op, who are the rude people in this scenario? It sounds like she's afraid of them. You are an adult now op. You and your dh need to protect your immediate family.

[Anonymous]

eh, it's a little immature to expect someone to fly into town, attend the event that you want them to attend and then just LEAVE.

The parents have asked if they should stay at a hotel. I don't think that they are the ones being unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

1. Be clear and frank about answering the questions they asked you.
1a. Don't hem and haw. Be short and sweet.

2. Be enthusiastic about the time you will spend with them.
2a. It's gracious to express your appreciation that they will be coming and you get to share some (limited) time together. Don't mute that by apologizing -- focus on the positive.
2b. Again, short and sweet.

3. Let it go. No belaboring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thurs - Tues is really not a long time for guests who are flying in. Thurs and Tues they'll spend the better part of their time at the airport (not to mention the cost of plane tickets). That gives them Sat/Sun/Mon. And if they are staying at a hotel.....WTH is the problem?

You've already got an event planned that YOU invited them to which is why they are flying in to begin with.

Sorry, I think you're being a little unreasonable.

That logic drives me crazy. Flying doesn't give you the right to stay in someone's home on a day that doesn't work for them. I can't imagine planning a big event for the day before I went back to work from maternity leave, let alone entertaining houseguests then. OP's house, OP's rules. Difficult people aren't fun to host, even when they're family. If you have easy family, be grateful - not all of us do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thurs - Tues is really not a long time for guests who are flying in. Thurs and Tues they'll spend the better part of their time at the airport (not to mention the cost of plane tickets). That gives them Sat/Sun/Mon. And if they are staying at a hotel.....WTH is the problem?

You've already got an event planned that YOU invited them to which is why they are flying in to begin with.

Sorry, I think you're being a little unreasonable.

That logic drives me crazy. Flying doesn't give you the right to stay in someone's home on a day that doesn't work for them. I can't imagine planning a big event for the day before I went back to work from maternity leave, let alone entertaining houseguests then. OP's house, OP's rules. Difficult people aren't fun to host, even when they're family. If you have easy family, be grateful - not all of us do!

They have ASKED if they should stay in a hotel!!! On other visits they have spent at least some of their time visiting other family members.

Op is the one who planned and timed this event. If it was poorly timed and she's overextended herself - that is not her parents' doing.

[Anonymous]

Two things in Op's defense: it's a baptism, and if her church is like mine, either there is one day per month when it can occur, or the priest tells you when it will be which could be anytime in a 3 month range. So I'm guessing she had some pretty tight constraints on when this could happen and didn't deliberately make it inconvenient for herself. And if her parents are like mine, "asking if they should stay at a hotel" means they will not stay at a hotel and will throw a fit if you call their bluff and go on for years about how their own daughter wouldn't host little old them.